Thursday, December 31, 2009
Oh well. I'll do one anyway.
2009: a year in points
- I worried, a lot. I was also sick, a lot. I'm positive that those two things had NOTHING to do with each other.
- I started working at a new library and quit the old one (despite popular opinion that I would be there forever).
- I made it past the quarter of a century mark without too much trouble. I did not have a nervous breakdown, cry or any other "you're 25 now" cliches. In fact, I think I cared about it less than anyone.
- I completed my second short film, this time - Zombies. It was awesome and I am still grateful to everyone who helped out.
- I made some new and seriously awesome friends and walked away from some seriously not-awesome friends.
- I ended up in the hospital, which I wouldn't recommend for fun.
- I got myself a new puppy. Her name is Frankie, BTW.
- I went to Boston to hang out with two of the awesomest people I'm lucky enough to know.
All in all it was a year I probably wouldn't willingly chose to live over again, but it had its good points. Thanks to everyone who was there to make the good stuff awesome and the shittiness stuff I could live through.
See you all next year.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
- Scientists estimate that sleep lost due to daylight saving time reduces the average lifespan by nearly two full months.
- Wind-mills always turn counter-clockwise. Except the ones in England.
- It is physically impossible to urinate and give blood at the same time.
- The western lowland gorilla's scientific name is 'Gorilla gorilla gorilla.'*
- Oranges, lemons, watermelons, and tomatoes are berries.
- Worms reportedly taste like bacon.
- 49% of Americans don't know that white bread is made from wheat.
- Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
- Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.
- 90% of women who walk into a department store turn to the right.
- Animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by a lightning strike.
- Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
- The day after George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. There were only 20,000 before.
- For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.
- Kevin Spacey's older brother is a professional Rod Stewart impersonator.
- Americans take an average of ten days off per year for vacation. In France, the law guarantees everyone five weeks of vacation.
Don't worry, there are plenty more where those came from. There is almost no end to the stupid, weird and useless facts about the most trivial, ridiculous bullshit out there.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, as I'm sure you're all aware was Flogging Molly Day, which will go down in history as a day made of awesome. Even with all the crap that wasn't so awesome, it still makes the awesome list which almost makes me happy for the crap because at full awesomeness capacity, I probably would have just dropped dead.
The drive up was, well, a drive through the prairie. I was sorry that I forgot my camera tho and I didn't manage to get lost or anything. I also managed to avoid any wildlife around the highway, for which I am endlessly grateful.
Then there was Blue. She started off on the right foot with her perfect call timing. Google maps, as per usual, had given me some seriously stupid directions and I had just dug out my cell phone to call her to ask where in the bloody hell I was meant to go when it rang. Between her and her unfortunately mute husband we managed to get my car and myself there in one piece.
From there I met her kids (one of whom informed me that he can "jump as far as a ninja" and owns an axe specifically for killing zombies - guess who was my favourite), her dogs (both of whom are lovely but unfortunately either too big or too squirmy to steal without being noticed) and her cat (who is not nearly as scary as advertised). Blue, for the record, is not a serial killer which I was a little disappointed to discover.
After a little bit of a directional mishap, some incredibly dusty gas station candy and picking up food we made it to the show on time. The crowd outside was about what I expected, a good mix of people with a generous helping of the "too cool"/"asshole" crowd. When the doors opened and booze was added to the mix they became a pretty standard concert audience (especially for any band connected in any way with Ireland... gotta love the wanna-be Irish).
Neither Blue nor I drink so we spent a fair amount of time shoving drunks away from us and threatening physical violence on the next guy to put his arm around us. We also made friends with a couple of guys who assured us that not all guys are drunken losers and then started keeping score, guys vs. girls, for who was the worst behaved (I'm ashamed to admit it was called a tie by the end).
Flogging Molly was, as you may have guessed, ten shades of awesome. They put on a really good show and I was absolutely, pants-wettingly, excited to find that they sound almost better live than they do recorded (I fucking hate any band that sounds shit live). Super high energy with just the right amount of between song chatting and guinness drinking. I also bought myself some swag including a new jacket (which I've been wearing pretty much constantly since I got my hands on it).
And finally the crap, because you knew I wouldn't skip it.
Like I've said, the drunks were out in full force and while some of them were amusing to be worth it others were decidedly not. If I live to be a thousand I will never understand people who get slobbering drunk before the band even hits the stage nor will I understand people who feel the need to act like fucking assholes at a crowded venue. (For the record, I've been to lots of metal shows and I still think that moshing is fucking stupid. Moshing at FM is even worse. Stop acting like such a motherfucking douche bag.)
I ended up having to leave really, painfully early which blew goats. I had gotten a call from a friend of mine informing me that after a trip down to the states her boyfriend (another good friend of mine) had been denied entry back in to the country and might be deported without so much as a chance to come and pick up his things. I drove home early in case she needed me to come with her down to the border to talk to immigration as she was more than a little wound up and hadn't slept. It wasn't until I'd left the city that my mother called to remind me that I was meant to be teaching a class that afternoon... so no trip, but still a shit ton to do.
And on top of it all, the tooth that had been giving me trouble for a while had gotten worse. A two week migraine, more painkillers than any one person should ever take and a desperate to the dentist later and I'm now short one tooth. I'd complain, but at least my head doesn't hurt anymore.
Oh and in there somewhere was a trip to get a replacement birth certificate (for which they charge me a bloody fortune), a stop at the passport office (directly after the dentist - FUN!) where they informed me that I would need a different guarantor, a trip across town and back, another hour waiting to file my application and catching a cold.
So here we are. A week later. Fun stuff. I'll tell you all about the opening bands another day. They deserve their own post.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
In a little while I'm leaving to drive to Saskatoon. Why Saskatoon? Because that, my friends, is where I will get to see two very awesome things.
Bluepaintred AND Flogging Molly.
My head might explode from the sheer awesome. I'll report more on that later.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
- Realizing I really do curse that much and it gets more creative the more annoyed I am.
- Listening to me try to convince you to move to Canada as much and as often as humanly possible.
- Learning that I am the most indecisive person on the planet. Just make the decision for me, woman!
- Hearing me say "that's dirty" on a fairly regular basis.
- Having me ask a lot of stupid questions.
- My burping
and much, much more!
I got one, no problem. Put it in my wallet and kind of forgot about it unless it was needed to prove to someone that I don't actually have a middle name (why would I lie about that?). Gradually I stopped carrying my wallet but left a few things in there that I figured I didn't need to carry around all the time, you know, like my birth certificate.
Fast forward to two days ago. I printed off the passport application forms so the US will know I'm not a terrorist plotting to bring them down from within (suckers) and behold! I need my birth certificate so Canada, who is apparently forgetful and not very observant, will know that I am me and that I was born and raised in this wonderful land of hockey and beer.
My birth certificate, you'll remember, is in my wallet. My wallet is always on the table next to the TV by the coat rack. So imagine my surprise to find that now that I actually need the fucking thing, it's gone.
I have no idea. I have torn my house apart, twice. It's no where to be found.
What. The. Fuck.
Luckily, after talking to a surprisingly helpful and chipper woman from Stats Can. or where ever the fuck she was from, it turns out for a few bucks more I can get a replacement same day.
I'm blaming this all on you, America, for making me get a passport to begin with. Don't think we won't be having a chat about this when I get there.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
- As much as I'm not really a "touchy" person, I hug my friends all the time. It's just how we say hello and good-bye and whatever else needs to be said with hugs.
- I talk a lot. I know I do. I talk more and faster when I'm nervous or excited. Be afraid, be very afraid.
- I am prone to giggle fits, it's some kind of genetic flaw. This gets worse when I'm nervous or excited. (Seriously, all the women in my family have this problem.) This means that something stupid will set me off laughing and I can't stop. It's weird. I know.
- Yes, I am this sarcastic all the time.
- I often make an ass of myself and I stick my foot in my mouth so often it would be easier to say that occasionally I take my foot out of my mouth.
If you're wondering why I'm telling you all this, you obviously need to pay more attention to Robin's blog because I really did just rip off her post. Also, I'm going to Boston to visit Robin and Manly Man! Yay! And we're going to see the new Kevin movie! More YAY!
This, my friends, is going to be epic.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I've been sick the last few days and I'm doing what I usually do when I'm sick. I'm watching Star Trek. Season three was still sitting on the coffee table so, rather than walking to the other room, I started with it.
Now for those of you not aware of it, season three is well known as the most over-the-top season made (which is really saying something). I guess that's what happens when you know your days are numbered. Why not just say "fuck it!"? And so, episodes like "Spectre of the Gun" and "The way to Eden" were born.
In a season full of WTF moments picking out just one episode and naming it the best (or worst, depending on how you're judging them) is a difficult task. More often than not the prize is awarded to "Spock's Brain". Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to disagree completely but I just think that "Spock's Brain" is a knee jerk reaction and one I understand. It's bad.
But honestly, in a season complete with space hippies, Chekov and several other men screaming like little girls, a gun fight at the OK Corral (shitty scenery explained by aliens rudimentary knowledge of the time period... riiiiiiight), Kirk being mistaken for a native american (alien civilization) god, Kirk swapping bodies with his ex and acting like a bitchy old queen, is it really so much worse?
As I said, I've been watching the whole season yet again and I defy anyone to watch "Spock's Brain" and "Plato's Stepchildren" back to back and tell me that "Plato" isn't worse.
This scene alone puts it miles ahead of the competition.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
When I watch any action movie I go in knowing it's not going to be Gone With The Wind or, well, anything really amazingly good. I'm not a huge fan of the genre but I can appreciate it, even like it. It's something I do, now and then, when I just want to shut my brain off for a few hours and watch some mindless shit involving a lot of ridiculous scenarios in which many guns are fired and dead evil henchmen litter the ground like confetti at a parade. Is that so wrong?
Last night I really just wanted to watch something along those lines so I borrowed my brother's copy of Punisher: War Zone. To be honest, Punisher was never one of my favourite comic book characters but I liked them enough to have seen and enjoyed the first movie. Also, Ray Stevenson is the new Frank Castle. Have I mentioned my love of Ray Stevenson? Because he's awesomely awesome and he was one of the very big reasons I love Rome as much as I do.
I was hoping for something good.
I was disappointed. Actually that's not even a strong enough word but I'll go with it for now.
Ray was, as I expected, the best part of the movie. I was having a bit of trouble picturing him as an action hero, especially Frank Castle but he managed to pull it off nicely.
And there ends anything good I have to say about the movie.
Wait, that's not true. Wayne Knight was pretty awesome in that "hey, I'm Wayne Knight" kind of way.
There were just so many things about the movie that were bad, wrong, troubling or down-right laughable. The biggest, most glaring problem were the accents. I cringed every time 90% of the actors opened their mouths. They all went for the most over the top, stereo-typical New York drawl with limited and varied success. (By the way - Thanks, Ray, for just going with a general American accent. It worked and I appreciated it. Really.)
Dominic West was absolutely the worst offender. It was so bad I was actually having trouble even paying attention to what he was saying. Would it really have been that fucking hard to find an american actor to play Jigsaw if that was what they wanted? I mean, the US seems to be positively infested with American actors and they couldn't find a single one? Although, to be fair, Doug Hutchinson wasn't any better. He comes in at #2 in the list of "unbelievably bad accents" and he's from Delaware. (Also on the list is the mafia boss at the beginning of the film, who's name I didn't bother committing to memory who was speaking in what can only be described as a bad Godfather impression meets The Simpson's Luigi Risotto voice.)
The acting was equally as bad going from wooden to (Adam West) Batman Villain-esque over the top and back again at alarming speed. All of which was bumped up a notch by how rushed everything felt. The whole movie felt like a speeding car with no breaks.
The creation of Jigsaw being the best example. He went from being shredded in some kind of factory that's never really explained to being up and walking around half a scene later. He even gets to do a half-assed, wannabe Joker/plastic surgeon reveal scene before he spends most of the movie being completely unfazed by his transformation and about 2 seconds being all "oh I'm so damn ugly! boo-hoo!" (Again, to be fair, the make-up was painfully bad. I would have cried too.)
Really, I could spend all day picking the film apart (I could spend an hour just on "Looney Bin" Jim) but I just haven't got the time to devote to that much garbage. Between the painfully bad acting, the shitty accents, the unexplained... well, everything, the plot holes, the cliches, the make-up, the special effects, the costumes (what the FUCK was Jigsaw wearing in that last 1/4 of the movie? Seriously. What. The. Fuck.) and the sound effects (the squishy/splashy/splat sounds that every single injury made went from stupid to ridiculous to annoying to hysterical. It was like something out of a WB cartoon) it was just bad.
I did actually make it through the entire movie but I had, more than once, considered giving up and going to bed which says more about it than anything.
Finally, let me just say this - Ray, I love you. Really I do. This in no way reflects on how awesome I think you are.
But sweet titty fucking Christ, this movie was fucking awful.
*edit: When casting mafia muscle men, do you think it's possible that they could have found anyone LESS intimidating than Keram Malicki-Sanchez? Really? Because he's about as intimidating as a potato.
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (derp derp derp)"
Pick your Artist:
Are you a male or female?
Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey
How do you feel:
Happiness is a warm gun
Describe where you currently live:
Strawberry fields forever
If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Across the universe
Your favorite form of transportation:
Your best friend is:
You and your best friends are:
Sgt. Pepper's lonely hearts club band
What's the weather like:
Favorite time of day:
A hard day's night
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
A day in the life
What is life to you:
Carnival of light
Your last relationship:
Bad to me
A world without love
What is the best advice you have to give:
Thought for the Day:
Don't bother me
How I would like to die:
Free as a bird
My soul's present condition:
Most Faithful Companion:
Oh and I'm tagging Robin, Janna, Ed
Friday, August 14, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, August 07, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Maybe the name Les Lye is one you're not familiar with but he was a big part of my childhood. He was "the adult" on You Can't Do That On Television and I spent more time watching Les and the rest of the gang than almost anything else for years.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Yesterday I had to go to the dentist, something I've been putting off for the better part of a decade. Two weeks ago I broke a large piece of one of my molars out and yesterday was the first time I could get in.
Let me pause here and say that my dentist is one of the world's nicest people and I really do like the guy. It's his job I don't like.
As always, the bitch who cleans your teeth was, well, a bitch. A seriously cunty bitch. She even gave me shit because I said "ow" when she stabbed my gum with her pick thing. Then she gave me shit for not flossing, right before getting the floss stuck on my broken tooth and trying to rip it out (which nearly took out the tooth completely). When I said "ow" again and "that really hurts" she snapped at me.
"Fine! You get it out then!"
What the fuck, bitch?
After that, the dentist had to freeze my mouth, drill out most of my tooth and fill it (which I get to again soon as there's another cavity he wants to deal with... sigh). The freezing I hate, it's damned uncomfortable, the needles suck and it makes my face feel huge. The dental work is a load of suck. On top of which I spent most of my evening popping pain killers, drinking cold water (it was helping numb the pain) and feeling gross.
Today my head feels like someone was kicking me in the face all night and as you may have guessed, it's making me a tad grumpy.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I'm kind of thinking it might not be so bad as a float. At least then it would kind of be like an ice coffee... a fizzy ice coffee. Made with shitty coffee. Hey, maybe the ice cream would kill the taste of this. But why waste good ice cream? And why the fuck wouldn't I just drink an ice coffee? Made with good coffee instead of this "instant" taste, which is really throwing the whole thing off.
The funny thing is, it says "made with real coffee extract" while it tastes like they extracted it from the sludge that's been sitting on the burner in the office coffee pot since 9am. You know what I'm talking about, that last cup no one wants and everyone is too chicken shit to just dump. If you took that and made a soda out of it, it would be this. If that coffee happened to not actually be coffee but instead it was that bargain bin instant coffee.
Really, I wouldn't buy this again. It's kind of bad.
And by kind of, I mean really.
I've had the japanese canned coffee they sell as well and that stuff is actually pretty fucking awesome. Ice cold, it's one of my favourites. And it's not fizzy. It's also about the same price. Added bonus - It doesn't taste like a coffee bean just shit in my mouth.
Fuck you, PC italian coffee soda. You make my taste buds sad and that is a crime I cannot forgive. Go back to the hell from which you came!