Monday, March 22, 2010

Drunk And Nerdy*

I went for supper with my friend Ted last night. Somehow we ended up spending nearly the entire time coming up with some of the best and worst drinks ever created.

The M. Night Shyamalan - A shitty drink, with a twist!

This drink is dedicated to the man and his films.

Jack - The depressing lead of the movie
Grenadine - The "something special" to lift up the lead and give him a little hope
151 - Like M. Night's movies, leaves you confused and wondering what the hell happened (and, if you've just watched one of his movies, you'll wish you were very, very drunk).
Cranberry Juice - The bitterness his movies leave you with.

Served in a Martini glass (chilled or not, it doesn't matter - much like his movies) rimmed with crushed cinnamon hearts (they claim to be cinnamon, but we all know they're not and they leave you with the taste of bile at the back of your throat).
Finished with a twist of lime (Every movie has his trademark twist, so something expected but not as obvious as lemon) - May be substituted with grapefruit if you're not feeling quite bitter enough.

The Adversary - Pronounced "Adver-ser-ee"

This is a drink for Sean Connery. It must be drunk while wearing a kilt and preferably while watching "Hunt for Red October".

Scotch - Obviously
Mike's Hard Cranberry - Something in-your-face, that clearly doesn't belong there

Served with a Jaggerbomb chaser (to get you drunk enough to slur and hyper enough to go head to head with Connery).

Sabotage - Pronounced "Sabo-t-A-ge"

This is a drink for the beloved Captain Kirk. It's a girly drink, designed to bring the ladies, to sneak up on them, knock them on their ass and have them wake up wondering what the hell happened.

Triple filtered vodka - Something easy to hide but strong enough to do some damage
Strawberry juice - A straight up girl drink
Shaved ice - No matter how hot, you're not going to melt this cowboy

Served in a chilled martini glass, rimmed in vanilla sugar with a chocolate drizzle.

The Sabre Tooth

Bacon vodka - Shot
Jalepeno Bacon Salt rim
Bacon Bit garnish

Meat on meat on meat, with a bite.

Substitute the Jalepeno Bacon Salt for Maple Bacon salt and add liquid smoke - You have yourself A Wolverine

The Jubilee

One shot of Blue Bols in a shot glass rimmed with Pop Rocks.

This one it pretty self-explanitory.

The Nightcrawler

Kirschwasser - Shot
Gin - Shot

Served separately, mixed in a glass and then shot.
Must be served under a black light.

The Deadpool

Redbull - Shotgunned
Green apple Sour Puss - Shot
Maple Syrup - Shot
A raw egg (served in a shot glass) - with Tobasco garnish

Red food colouring should be added to the first two shots.
Between each shot the drinker should talk himself out of each shot before doing it anyway.
Finished by punching yourself in the face.

The Bizzarro Superman

This drink is much like a traditional tequila shot.

Salt is licked off the hand followed by a shot of pure lemon juice. A shot of tequila is thrown over your shoulder. Finished by punching the person to your left.

And finally...

The Apocalypse**

This is a line shot.

3 shots - 151
1 shot - Snakebite
2 tumblers - 151
1 tumbler - Hot 100
1 pint - 151

Finished by burning down the bar.

*For the complete set of Star Trek theme drinks - go here.
** Not recommended for human consumption. Ever. For any reason.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Good-Bye, Old Friend

It's been a long time coming and honestly, I don't know why today was the day. But today is the day The Gwenhwyfar Letters died.
There was a time when I needed it. That time has past. I'm a different person than I was when I started it and, frankly, this person doesn't have that kind of energy any more. And I'm good with that.
So thanks to everyone who read it. I'll carry on blogging with the other three I'm still keeping up.

Monday, March 08, 2010


I need to vent.
That's not an apology, it's a warning. I'll start by saying that I intend to vent about parenting stuff. No, this isn't about you. This is about me. That would be why I'm writing it on my site.
If that's the start of a post you don't want to read then I recommend watching the Christoph Waltz video. He's hot AND funny.
Here's the thing - I'm part of the whole "child-free" thing, I guess. Not that "I guess" about how I feel, just that I don't like that it's become a movement and I'm not much on being part of groups. I honestly don't give a shit if you want kids. Actually, your breeding makes another compelling argument for me not to have kids. There is no need for me to do it. The species will carry on without my contribution.
I'm also not much on children. Actually, to be more accurate, I'm not much on the children most people are raising. Shitty parenting makes for shitty kids. I personally know some really awesome kids, but they are unfortunately few and far between.
Now let me explain - it's not just that I'm disinterested. It skeeves me out. Completely.
Pregnant women and babies generally make me immensely uncomfortable. The thought of actively seeking to touch someone's pregnant belly makes me gag. The sound of a baby crying will drive me out of a house. The whole thing makes my skin crawl.
A big part of that is my absolute disgust with hearing the gorey details about other peoples health problems. I have seen pictures of some of the most horrific injuries in the name of research but I seriously don't want to hear about every detail of your last pap smear.
Most people do me (and most of the population) the favour of keeping that kind of shit to themselves or, at least, to only dole it out upon request (which is greatly appreciated, btw).
Somehow tho, pregnancy seems to shut off that all too important internal censor. Suddenly every bodily function is up for general conversation, every medical problem is gossip.
I don't give a shit how far along you are, there is never a time that I need an announcement every time you pee and I will never, ever ask how constipated you are. I also don't ever want to hear the words "contractions" and "dilated" again.
It seems like even the idea of having a baby is enough to make people insane. It's the only time that it seems to be socially acceptable to tell people how much you're having sex. Which, for the record, is also something I am not interested in. Ever.
One more thing - all baby pictures look the same to me. One bald, ugly, tiny human looks pretty much like every other one I've seen. I'll be more interested when they start speaking more, crying less and get their bodily functions under control.
Now, all that said, I'll make you a deal. You keep this nasty shit to yourself or at least away from me and I promise not to start randomly showing you some of the more interesting make-up reference pictures I have in my collection. And take if from the girl who has made a hobby of collecting some of the morbid and disgusting images of what humans are capable of doing to one another, you're getting off easy.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

I Think It's Official

I love Christoph Waltz. It felt wrong saying that when he was "the Jew Hunter", but he's so deliciously awesome.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

This Too Shall Pass

These guys make the best videos ever.