Monday, June 30, 2008

The Count

Okay, I realize this is my second Henson related post this week, but this video made me laugh a lot. So watch it. Stop your bitching and just do it!

A Mystery For The Ages

Can someone please tell me why the guys who hit on me (which is, admittedly, rare) are always creepy weirdos with THE worst pick-up lines EVER? I don't get it. Is that the vibe I send off? Is it my shampoo? What?
I'm seriously thinking about developing agoraphobia just so I have an excuse NOT to leave the house.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Please Send Help

Scratch that. Send drugs.
I'm on day seven of this headache and nothing so far has worked. I've been through ever pill bottle in the house and now I'm on the Head-On at Janna's suggestion that it might work. But to no avail. I'd cry if I didn't know that crying only makes my head hurt more.
I'm actually thinking of naming it. It's old enough and big enough to deserve it. I've even decided on a name. Marvin.
"Why Marvin?" I hear you asking. Because I've been watching too much Muppet Show again and every time I see Marvin Suggs and his muppaphone I feel a connection to those poor fuzzy little muppets.
Actually, the more that I think about it, the more I think that from now on all of my headaches will be named Marvin.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Please Tell Me This Isn't True

I feel sick and sad and I think I'm going to cry. It can't be true, it just can't. George can't really be dead. It's not possible. He is one of those people who makes the world a livable place. He makes everything seem alright.
I don't even have words for this news. I can't think of anything that would make this seem less heartbreaking.

Goodbye George. I owe you thanks for so much. You showed me that humor can be found everywhere, that shit is funny so laugh. You showed me that not everyone who speaks their mind has to get in trouble for it and that even when you do, so fucking what? You gave me more original curses than anyone ever has. More than anything, you made me laugh. A lot. And that is something I will owe you for until the end of my days.
Thanks for everything, man. No one will ever be able to fill your shoes. You are truly irreplaceable.


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Top 100? Seriously?

I swiped this from Adam, who got the list from Entertainment Weekly. It's a list of their Top 100 movies of the last 25 years. Personally I'm wondering who the chimps are who made up this list and where some of the actual top movies are. But hey, that's me.
Anyhow, in keeping with Adam's idea, I've bolded the ones I've seen and marked asterisks next to the ones I liked.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) **
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)**
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)**
9. Die Hard (1988)**

10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
12. The Matrix (1999)**
13. GoodFellas (1990)**
14. Crumb (1995)**
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)**

16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)**
20. The Lion King (1994)**
21. Schindler's List (1993)**

22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)**
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)**
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)**
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)**
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)**
35. The Incredibles (2004)**
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)**
37. Pretty Woman (1990)

38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)**
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)**
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)**
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)**

44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)**
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)**
48. Scarface (1983)**
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)**

50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)**
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)**

59. L.A. Confidential (1997)**
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)**
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)**
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)**
73. Office Space (1999)**

74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)**
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)**
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)**
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)**
91. Back to the Future (1985)**

92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood** (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)**
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley** (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)**

Saturday, June 21, 2008

One Down, Two To Go

I was up at six this morning. As in 6am. That was bad enough but on top of the fact that I didn't crawl in to bed until 3am made the whole thing even less fun. Now I hear you asking, "But why, oh lovely, prefect, wonderful Gwenhwyfar? Why would you torture yourself like that?"
The answer is simple. I've lost my damned mind.
A few months ago, after talking with a few people, I thought it would be a great idea to get myself a table at the local farmer's market. Just selling stuff I was making anyway. Sounds simple, right? And it really is a pretty cheap gig.
So when they called to tell me that my application for a table had gone through I got to work. I worked my ass off for weeks. I got lots done.
The first day was bad. Really bad. It was windy (and if you live on the prairie you know what I mean) and it rained. All. Fucking. Morning. I came home soaked and frozen. The second day wasn't so bad. But business was slow because it was also the weekend of an annual arts festival in the city.
Today however, today was great. I was busy, I sold lots, I made money. Good stuff all around. Oh and no wind or rain.
So where's the part where I lose my mind? Well, while this sounds all well and good, you must keep in mind that Farmer's Market is not my only job. I have two other jobs. And just by fluke, I am working all three today.
I was up at 6am (with three hours sleep) and the market at 8am, done there at 1pm (almost 1.30pm actually) so I could run to the theatre where I will work until 5pm and then run to the library for 6pm. I will get home tonight sometime around 12am.
That is the part where I loose it.
I need a nap.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If you need to find me, you can get me today at The Road Less Unraveled.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A Kill The Body Alphabet

A is for Ape shit, which I'm likely to go
B is for Bitch because I am one, you know
C is for Cunt, my 2nd favourite word
D is for Dipshit, you dumbass turd
E is for Everyone who acts like they belong in the zoo
F is for Fuck as in off, which you should do
G is for Gwen, the eternal pessimist
H is for Hell and the dark throne I'm starting to miss
I is for Ignorant like most of the public
J is for Just, as is just fucking fuck it
K is for Kill but only the body please
L is for Letters I actually hope those people read
M is for Meme when I'm totally lazy
N is for Neurotic, I admit that I'm crazy
O is for Outraged which I often am
P is for Piss off which you certainly can
Q is for Q and the lovely John De Lancie
R is for Rhyming like some fucking nancy
S is for Shit, another favourite swear
T is for Thunder Cunt, yeah I said it, so there
U is for Upset which I occasionally get
V is for Victor which I haven't been yet
W is for Weblog, a word nobody uses
X is for X-rated and not needing excuses
Y is for You, the people who read this
Z is for Zany, good grief, that word's bullshit

Yeah, That Seems About Right

I did this over at worlde. I pasted in all my posts for the last two years. If you can't figure it out, it's the top words I've used from biggest to smallest. Somehow I'm not at all surprised that "Fuck" made it in to my top ten, twice. Although I am a little surprised at the number of times I've said "ow" (I'm blaming that mostly on a post from earlier this year about having cramps).

Monday, June 16, 2008

Goodbye Mr. Winston

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I just read that Stan Winston Passed away yesterday.
For those of you who don't know, Stan Winston is the FX master behind movies like Terminator, Edward Scissorhands, Jurassic Park and most recently Iron Man. He is one of the artist who inspired me to go in to make-up and fx, he made it an art form, something to aspire to. His work was constantly ground breaking and breath taking.
So goodbye, Mr. Winston. Thank you for everything. You will be missed.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I Wouldn't Buy My Own Albums

Because one sounds like a Russian Girl Pop band (or a Gay Pop band at least) and the other is so Emo it makes me want to write sad poetry and cut myself.

Let’s make a band:
1. Band Name
The first article title is the name of your band.

2. Album Name
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3.Album Cover
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Now take your pic, add the band name and title to it, then post it.

A Link's As Good As A Nod To A Blind Bat

If anyone is interested Over The Hill Orchards has THE most amazing prairie cherry juice EVER. I bought some at the Farmer's Market yesterday and I will be buying more next time. Holy hell is it good.

The Curry Gods Are Mocking Me

Yesterday I wanted some curry. Wait. Let me clarify. I spent the entire day thinking about curry, how much I love curry, how much I wanted to eat some curry, about how I would gladly knock over an old lady to get at some curry. So after work I headed downtown to Punjabi. They're open every day and they are my favourite East Indian Restaurant in the city. (Seriously, I go there enough that the owner knows me. It's kind of sad.)
Now, I have almost no sense of smell. I don't know why. Most things just don't get in. But when you step in to the Scarth St. Mall the curry reaches everyone, even me. It reaches in the the depths of my hunger and makes me crazy until I've eaten enough that I need a nap. And when I stepped in to the mall that is what I expected.
Nothing. Not a sniff. I started thinking my nose had finally packed up for good. Until I saw the doors. Closed and locked. I actually groaned and then I tried not to cry. A sign out front explained that they were closed for the day. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Out of my love of curry and need for food I broke down and turned on my loyalty to Punjabi. I went to Flavours of India. I know it's not the worst place in the world. I know lots of people love it. I'm just not a huge fan. Especially when I know what I want and I can't get it. Nothing else is going to measure up.
I did get some chana masala, aaloo matar, rice and naan. It was enough to fill the curry gap. It was decent. But I know I'm going to have to go to Punjabi next week to actually get what I want.

On a side note, can someone please tell me how the troglodytes of this city votes FOI best Indian Restaurant? Over Punjabi? Or Selam? What the fuck? (but ten those same freaks voted McDeath's best fries...)
See, I'm not a food snob, everyone else just has white trash taste buds. It's like their mouths are taste bud trailer parks.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Because I Have Nothing Else To Say

At least not at the moment.
Here's a meme, just so you guys don't start thinking I'm dead. I wouldn't want you getting all excited for nothing.

The concept:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name?

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Dear Robert Downey Jr.,

I just wanted to drop you a line because I have a few things I need to say. Mostly because you've been on my mind for the last little while. With the release of Iron Man, your GQ interview, the upcoming Tropical Thunder, it would be a little hard not to think about you and I have to say that I'm really excited to have so many excellent reasons to.
I've only just got back from finally seeing Iron man, by the way. It was fabulous. More than fabulous. I honestly can't even think of a word to adequately describe how awesome it was. I was never a huge Iron Man fan. I mean, I've read them, sure. But he was never one of my favourites. Now I'm starting to feel like that's going to change. You made me love Tony Stark, faults and all. You made him someone I could love. That kind of leads me to what I wanted to say.
You're wonderful, you know that? Really. You're a fantastic actor. Absolutely one of the best. (And I'm not one for saccharine flattery.)
I remember very well watching Chaplin as a child and being absolutely captivated by it. Even more recently I felt that same sense of captivation, the same sympathy, the same connection watching Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. You give the characters you play such a humanity that it's hard not to be sucked in by them.
So I'd like to say that I, for one, am so very happy to see you again. I wish only the best for you.
I know the opinion of a very unknown blogger carries, well, no weight at all but I really do think you're something special.



PS - I know I'm not the first to say it and I surely won't be the last, but you have THE most incredible eyes. (Sorry, I just had to say it.)

Thursday, June 05, 2008