Saturday, December 24, 2005

Reasons I won't eat Aspartame

Aspartame scares me. It just seems so very wrong. It doesn't save you from gaining weight, in fact it may increase obesity. It's alright for diabetics to consume but there are other sugar substitutes that they can have as well that are derived from natural sources. It's also becoming a huge ordeal to find something made without it, which is a huge problem for people who are allergic to it - like me.
As little as one piece of gum made with Aspartame can ruin my whole day - and I should mention that the only gum I've found, still made with sugar, is kids gum. (ie. Hubba-Bubba) A diet pop will make me sick for days.
It's scary to thing how many people are consuming this stuff without thinking about what it is that they're putting into their systems. So when I found this article this morning I thought I would post it.

"In our experimental conditions, it has been demonstrated..that APM [aspartame] causes a dose-related statistically significant increase in lymphomas and leukemias in females at dose levels very near those to which humans can be exposed," the authors wrote in their conclusion. Only rats feed aspartame developed brain tumors. Increases of lymphomas and leukemias at the lowest exposure level was 62 percent and "an increase in the incidence of these types of neoplasias was also observed in males exposed to the highest dose."

Neurosurgeon Russell Blaylock, MD, one of the world's leading authorities on aspartame neurotoxicity, extensively reviewed the Soffritti report. "This study confirmed the previous study by Dr. Trocho and co-workers (1998), which also found the formaldehyde breakdown product of aspartame to be damaging to cellular DNA and that this damage was cumulative. The type of damage was a duplicate of that associated with cancers. These two studies strongly indicate that drinking a single diet cola sweetened with aspartame every day could significantly increase one's risk of developing a lymphoma or leukemia.

The full article is to long to copy and paste, but please feel free to check it out at

Friday, December 23, 2005

Pictures I didn't take

These made me laugh, and so I share them.... yeah.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Aw Fuck, I guess I'm a Goth

According to this questionaire from St. Mary's I'm definately a Goth. It says you only need 5 things from this list to apply to you... I think there's only about 5 that don't apply.

Is Your Child a Goth?
Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic
culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,
darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if
five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson
claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please
discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) -Associates with other people that
dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
center.) -Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to
evil sprits through meditation.) -Insists on spending time with friends
while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe
this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.) -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may
watch.) -Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology,
Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these
problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Well that was good for a laugh, and now that I know what I am I can embrace it. Woe is me. I'm so gothic, I'm dead. At least I'm not Emo.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

A sad day indeed

Richard Pryor died of a heart attack today at the age of 65.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Heads up guys

I didn't want anyone getting confused on this point....

G is cool.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


I got some amazing advice from my mother today. I mean really awesome and it's gonna save me a whole lot of time and energy too. Her sage words, you ask?
Don't bother trying to change anything because you'll never make a difference. Ever.
That's right kids, give up now, you'll never be able to make a difference at anything. Oh and trust me, it's not worth the effort just to fail. Man, I sure am glad to know that, saves me a lot of time and boy, it's really a weight off my shoulders.
Now if only someone had pointed this out to that silly ass, Gandhi. He could have been eating all that time and not walking around dressed in a sheet. Martin Luther King Jr. could have saved himself getting shot, I mean that's gotta ruin your day. Same with Lincoln. Einstein was only wasting his time, who cares if E=mc2? Not my mother, that's for sure. And besides, none of these people really made any difference, right?
Of course they didn't.
It's either that or my mother is full of shit and that is, quite possibly, the worst advice ever given.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I love this...

I found this animation through today, and I love it. (No it's not by the weebl crew, I just found it through them.) Anyway, here it is. eBaum's world Sucks.

Return of the Ninja Pirates

I was right! There are Ninja Pirates! There are even Ninja Pirate toys!

This is Chris the ninja pirate from Weebl and Bob. He's been in a couple of their cartoons and now he even has his own toy.
His latest appearance can be found here.

A sign! A sign!

The hit counter reached 666 today.
I couldn't just let is pass unnoticed.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Happy Birthday

On November 23 it will be Arthur "Harpo" Marx's birthday. (His 117th for anyone who's counting.)
I'm a huge Marx. Bros fan. When I'm having a bad day or I can't shake a foul mood they make me laugh and forget why I was upset in the first place. I love every minute of their movies, but I'm always waiting for Harpo to get his time alone, doing what he's best at, playing the harp with awe inspiring beauty and grace. For those few minutes I find more happiness and peace than in anything else I've ever seen or done.
He is one of my favourite actors and I just wanted to take a minute to say Happy Birthday. Thank you for... well... a lot.

Here's what some of the people who knew him had to say about him.

Miriam Marx (Groucho's daughter): "Harpo was almost not of this world, he was saintly, ethereal. He was my favorite person..."

George S. Kaufman: "Harpo Marx, to whom he was devoted, took delight in rattling the easily embarrassed Kaufman. As a friend, Harpo was a practical joker of incredible proportions.
There was the day when Harpo, Bea, and George Kaufman were in a diner aboard a train going to Bucks County. A little old lady asked if she might take the fourth chair at their table. Bea said it was all right, but George, knowing how unpredictably mad Harpo was, squirmed. Harpo said nothing. He didn’t even look at her.
The little old lady finished eating first and asked for her check. George was still concerned about Harpo. The waiter brought the lady’s check on a saucer. George smiled with relief.
But Harpo, still not looking up from his plate, reached for the saucer, salted and peppered the lady’s check, and ate it. Kaufman twisted in agony."

Irving Brecher: "He was pretty much what he was on the screen: A dear elf."

Norman Krasna: "Harpo was a pixie-like person... a giant pixie. He was completely kin... Dogs and children would come to him as he got into a room... he absolutely was a saint."

George Seaton: "Harpo was just the dearest, sweetest man. I don’t think you can find anyone who has a bad word to say about Harpo. But he was a leprechaun, an elf. He used to do silly, wonderful things, like stealing Maggie Dumont’s wig. She was as bald as a billiard ball and always wore a wig. He’d take great delight in stealing her wig before we got off the train. In Chicago or someplace, here would come Maggie with a towel wrapped around her head, and on it said ‘Pullman.’"

George Burns: "One thing he said to me that was so, so nice... He adopted four children, you know. So I said to him, ‘When are you gonna quit? How many children are you going to adopt?’ He says, ‘I’d like to adopt as many children as I have windows. So when I leave, I want a kid in every window, waving goodbye.’... I think that was about the greatest marriage that I know of, Susan Marx and Harpo. Anything Harpo wanted, she would do. Like she had these four children, and she’d have dinner on the stove. Let’s say, seven o’clock at night, dinner is ready. And Harpo would come in and say, ‘Susan, let’s eat out.’ She’d say, ‘Okay.’ Bop! Turn out the lights, and out they’d go."

And finally a word from the man himself.

Harpo Marx (Early Days): "We were washed up. We were stranded...I was depressed, and confused, and I had to be alone. I kept telling myself that something good always happened every time I hit bottom. But I didn’t believe it.
...As I walked, a long-forgotten voice came out of my past. Miss Flatto. Miss Flatto, wiggling her finger at my nose and saying, ‘Some day you’ll realize, young man! Some day you’ll realize!’...
I was startled to find I was standing watching an auction sale... I was careful to keep my hands in my pockets, so I could resist any crazy impulse to make a bid, and blow my entire capital of seven cents.
The shelves were nearly emptied out and most of the crowd had left, but I still hung around, having nothing better to do with myself. Finally everything was gone except for one scrub brush, the former owner, hovering in the background, the auctioneer, myself, and an elderly Italian couple. The elderly couple had been there all the time. Either they had no money or they were too timid to make a bid on anything. Whichever it was, they exchanged sad looks now that the auction was winding up.
The auctioneer was tired. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Let’s get it over with and not horse around. I have left here one desirable item. One cleansing brush in A-number-one, brand-new condition, guaranteed to give you floors so clean you could eat off them. What am I offered?’
The old Italian guy and his wife looked at each other, searching for the key to the right thing to say... they held on to each other like they had done something wrong. I said quickly, ‘One cent.’
The auctioneer whacked his gavel.
‘Sold-thank-God-to-the-young-American-gentleman-for-one-cent.’ I picked up my brush and handed it to the old lady. She was as touched as if I had given her the entire contents of the store. The old man grabbed my hand and pumped it. They both grinned at me and poured out a river of Italian that I couldn’t understand. ‘Think nothing of it,’ I said, and added, ‘Ciao, eh?’ ... which was the only Italian I could remember from 93rd street. They thought this was pretty funny, the way I said it, and they walked away laughing. I walked away laughing too... I couldn’t explain it, but a lousy penny scrub brush had changed the whole complexion of life."

Save The Court

Night Court has been a favourite show of mine for... well... a very long time. I was ecstatic when season one came out on DVD. Now I'm hearing rumors that they won't be releasing any more seasons! I could cry!
What will I do without more Dan, Bull, Selma.... Oh god!
I'm urging anyone who loves, even likes this show to go and pick up season 1. An increase in sales for season 1 (and from what I've heard, the planned "best of" discs) will prompt more seasons.
If not for me, do it for all the people who want more... do it for yourself.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Deep thoughts

I've been in a bad mood the last couple of days. So far I've only found one thing that can, consistently, make me laugh no matter how bad my mood. So now, more for my own benefit than anyone else's, I give you some Jack Handey.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, how's it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.

When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.

Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.

If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figure that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.

Coffee: for some, delicious... for others, a mystery

Over coffee Chris tells me a story and I can't help but laugh at it.
Apparently over the summer he watched as this guy put coffee in the filter of the coffee maker, fill the pot with water and then set the full pot of water in place in the coffee maker. After watching the pot for a couple of minutes he complained that the water didn't seem to be turning into coffee.
I wish I was making this up.
Some people should not be allowed to procreate.

Don't ask, I don't know.

So I went out for coffee with Chris earlier. I've known this guy for years and no matter how many times it's happened I'm still amazed at some of the bizarre discussions and debates we get into. So true to form we got into a debate on the ride home, the subject for this evening you ask? Are Pirates or Ninjas cooler? (I wish I was making this up.)

My immediate answer was (of course) - ninja pirates. (That would be ninjas acting as pirates and not vise versa.) But I was met with an absolute no on that one.
His argument? Ninja prates do not exist and therefore are not a legitimate answer. Pirate skills (like ninja skills) are a specialized group of skills and outside the scope of a ninja and thus making a ninja-pirate an impossibility.
My argument? Drinking, looting, pillaging, etc. are not specialized skills and any ninja would be capable of any of these activities.
These are the things that we discuss... you know, only the really important, life altering, earth shattering subjects.

On an almost related note, (I'm going to hell, but) this picture - aptly titled Pirate Nun - made me laugh... a lot... I can't believe that I'm laughing at a nun, but it's funny.

Shut up... you know it's funny.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Yeah, yeah, I know it's November

But here's some more Halloween shit anyway.
I finally got some Halloween pictures loaded onto my computer. They aren't the greatest, but then they were taken by my mother who is actually a worse photographer than I am. Fortunately I have more pictures waiting to be developed... hopefully they're better.

These are my buddy Matt... he's a fish guy. I think the Best name we came up with was Jack. (My dad actually came up with that one... he's a fisherman.) I'm really not happy with the edges of the appliance and the back of the bald cap. We had some trouble with the mold and casting another appliance wasn't possible so I had to work with what I had and the back of the bald cap was just not cooperating that day... but considering The time and budget I was working with and that this was just for a house party I think we did pretty damned good.

Here's one of Julz...

and finally here's one of my pumpkins.

Good Grief

Seriously, I can't be the only one seeing something wrong with this cereal.

Monday, October 31, 2005


Today's gone pretty well thus far. I picked up the Clerks cartton DVDs for $12, finished all my make-up stuff without having a complete mental breakdown and carved 2 pumpkins (a super sweet Dawn of the dead one and an Edward Scissor hands one).

Anyways, I hope everyone has an awesome night.
I'm gonna go watch some crappy old horror movies.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Phantoms and Horror Shows

If you're going to be watching movies on Halloween I'd suggest the two classic, cult-followed, horrow, musical, halloween viewing musts - Rocky Horror Picture Show and Phantom of the Paradise.

Friday, October 21, 2005


Pay your ticket! If you're online reading this then you've got time to pay it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Just so we're all on the same page...

In case you hadn't noticed yet, Bush is an idiot.

Bush is an idiot and people voted him into power... twice.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

From me to you 6

Okay, so more driving stuff - The turn signal is a handy tool for letting the other drivers around you know where you're going (ie. Turning and changing lanes). Turning them on after you've completed your maneuver or three miles in advance doesn't help anyone. Also if you can here some strange clicking sound coming from your dash and there's a green arrow flashing chances are that you've left the signal on and you're pissing off the person behind you. Turn the damned thing off already.

If you're pregnant you don't need to let everyone know every time you pee, especially not your coworkers. We don't need to know. In fact I'll go so far as to say we don't give a rats ass.

It won't bleed so much if you'd just keep your finger out of there.

Those carry-all bags with the wheels and retractable handles are stupid. They're for yuppie assholes, not University students. You look like a douche bag with that damned thing. Get a fucking backpack already you yuppie-wannabe-shithead.

And finally, avoid mentioning anything North Korean to Narf. Definitly avoid mentioning that you think the Kim Jong Il puppet from Team America is adorable and that you want one. Trust me on this one. Seriously.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

More Halloween Shit

Well friends, Halloween is fast approaching and I've got everyone's costumes sorted out but my own. It's nothing surprising, this is what happens every year. (Not that I even have plans for Halloween anyway...) I wouldn't be too worried, but I've got quite a number of people insisting that I actually dress up this year so I'm trying to come up with something.
I haven't come up with much, but here's what I've got so far...
First off, Liz Sherman. Don't know who she is? Don't worry, you're certainly not alone. I, on the other hand, am a geek and a huge Hellboy fan (the comics... the movie wasn't bad, but for clarification purposes I mean the comic). All I'd really have to get is a trench coat, a beret and some smokes. I know, how creative... (and again, for clarification, I hate Selma Blair... she ruins everything and she sucked as Liz... really, really sucked.)
Second, A House Frau. Confused again? You're probably not alone. Basically a house Frau is one of those horribly over done, dressed up, cake make-up wearing, helmet headed, cocktail partying, stereotypical 50's housewives... ie. The Stepford Wives.
and Third, Harpo Marx. No, I haven't thought of any costumes people will actually understand.

I'm a huge Marx Bros. Fan, and I love Harpo.
Those are my limited ideas at the moment... if you've got any ideas go ahead and post them.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Myst the mark

I recently picked up the limited edition Myst V: End of Ages and I have to say, I'm disappointed.
Myst, Riven and Exile were so amazing. The animation was stunning, the character's were compelling and the puzzles and the journeys were stimulating. I still play them and get a more out of them than any other games I've played before or since.
The landscapes were so visually spectacular that they almost seemed real, their beauty was enough to get you lost in the game. The animals created for the different worlds were fantastic, watching them interact with the environment around them was nothing short of amazing.
I always loved that the characters were real people, the film of them that was put in the games were well used and most importantly, not over used. Computer animation of humans has come along way, but with the realism of the game environment the addition of real people made everything that much more believable.
As you can see, I can't praise the games enough. That's where the disappointment comes in.
This latest addition to the series almost seems like some sort of distant relative the family is embarrassed to talk about. The game, visually, falls way short. It looks flat and, well, computer generated. The characters have been replaced with video-game quality, blocky CG characters. The characters also show up every ten minutes to talk at length and any relevance in what they say is lost because they're boring to the point that you tune them out. The little things, too, have been lost. The first games were littered with items of interest that you could inspect closely, pick up, move around, play with - each made to look shockingly real. This game has none of those things.
The only addition seems to be the personal Myst journal that you are free write in as you go along. If this feature is a trade off for all that is lost, I would happily give it up.
I'm sad to think that this is how such a great series is leaving and shocked at the lack of... well... everything.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Apparently there are goats that faint when you startle them... It's not something they're trained to do, they are bred to faint. They were bred this way so that if a wolf attacked the flock the goat would be the snack and not the rest. (That seems more than a little wrong to me, but then I'm just imagining how lame it would be to be the goat.)
Anyway, breed history aside, it's pretty damned funny watching these things faint... funny to the point that I want one.
I wonder if you're allowed to keep a goat as a pet?


I've been fighting a cold (and loosing the battle I might add) for nearly a week. It knocked me on my ass Saturday and I haven't made much progress in getting back up since.
Today I spent the whole day on the couch feeling like death warmed over and then a ray of sunshine lit my germ infested world. I happened to check Homestar Runner today and lo and behold, a new cartoon! Hooray! And even better, it's called "Sick Day" and clearly illustrates how I've been feeling lately.
Homestar Runner always get's my seal of approval, but this one also gets a gold star and a thumbs up and a hip-hip-hooray (once I stop coughing).

All the cool people are buying it!

Upon the Ashes are putting out a CD, A Sinner's Blood, this fall.
It's gonna be totally wicked.
And I'm not just saying that because my brother is in the band and he'll hurt me if I say other wise...
Really, I'm totally stoked to hear the final product.

I'm going to hell

Despite what this picture would have you believe, Jesus spent most of the game getting nailed to the boards.

I know what I want for Christmas

I want one of these statues for my yard. Maybe then the neighborhood dirt children will get the message to stay the hell outta my yard.
Smelly, dirty beasts...


Saturday Night Live was one of my favourite shows (it's fallen from grace, but the SNL of old still holds a special place in my heart) and I've got lots and lots of favourite sketches from over the years, but the "Brasky guys" is the one (long running) skit that never failed to make me laugh. (Sorry Brasky, but the single funniest skit was the Peter Schweaty Balls)
Anyway, here's a Little Brasky for all the fans and for all the poor saps who haven't a clue what I'm on about.


"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"

"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"His first name is Bill! ....... I'm drunk."

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

"Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos."

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."

"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"He thinks then iron man is gay."

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."



Pay your ticket!

Sunday, October 02, 2005


I just wanted to take a second to say Happy Birthday to one of my favourite comedians of all time, Groucho Marx.
I can't tell you how many laughs I've gotten from him and I've loved every second of it.

Friday, September 30, 2005


Courtney Love is still gross.
Really, really gross.

Here comes the bride

I was totally excited to see Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride, I've been waiting months to see it and I wasn't disappointed. This movie is amazing.
I'm a huge fan of stop motion and this one has reach a new level of excellence. Don't go into it expecting a new Nightmare before Christmas though, this is definitely it's own movie with that classic Tim Burton style that we've all come to know and love.
The Corpse Bride absolutely get a thumbs up, 4 stars and any other endorsement I have.

Thursday, September 29, 2005


One of my favorite parts of halloween is carving the pumpkins. Mine seem to get more and more intricate every year because I feel some sick need to out-do my pumpkin from the previous year.
Every now and again I stumble across someone who blows my mind with their carvings and what not. Scott Cummins has done exactly that. His pumpkins are mind blowingly awesome. You can check out more of his stuff here


I found this amazing company a couple of years ago, their furniture is awesome and they've yet to make a piece that I don't want. (Actually I have a piece similar to the picture.) All of their pieces are made out of coffins and they're gorgeous.
You can check them all out at


Yay, it's October! Holloween is by far my favorite holiday (don't bother telling me it's not a holiday because I don't give a rats ass, it's still my favorite.) and it's almost here!
Anyway, until the end of October, expect to be seeing lots of halloween stuff around here.
And on that note, here's the best (and by best I mean hilarious) Thundercats costume ever!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

For all the nerds in the crowd

I've just discovered a new book, The Physics of Superheros.
It's definately one for the comic book readers and people who like to bitch about how stupid they are.

Back again

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, it's been busy around here.
Kt's wedding is at the end of the week, make-up to get ready, new roommate, Babylon 5, work... it's been a full (and odd) couple of weeks.
Narf is nearly finished moving all her stuff into the house, which is awesome. I'm really happy to have her living here and she's been tons of fun already. She's also managed to get me hopelessly hooked on Babylon 5, of which she's been a long time fan and I had only ever seen in passing. I think she's discovered that I have a horribly addictive personality.
Halloween is fast approaching and I'm starting to get into panic mode (closely related to "psychotic" and a not too distant cousin of "ludicrous speed"). Matt's face is finally casted and the sculpting has begun. Hopefully I should be finished soon - I doubt it, but a girl can dream, can't she?
Anyway, it's been crazy, but hopefully I can find more time to update soon.

From me to you 5

If you want something and don't act, you'll never get it. Trust me, regretting not acting is infinitely more painful than working to get what you want.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Watch what you wear

I found this artical this moring, just thought I share it.

Power-dressing man leaves trail of destruction

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.

Frank Clewer, who was wearing a woolen shirt and a synthetic nylon jacket, was oblivious to the growing electrical current that was building up as his clothes rubbed together.

When he walked into a building in the country town of Warrnambool in the southern state of Victoria Thursday, the electrical charge ignited the carpet.

"It sounded almost like a firecracker," Clewer told Australian radio Friday.

"Within about five minutes, the carpet started to erupt."

Employees, unsure of the cause of the mysterious burning smell, telephoned firefighters who evacuated the building.

"There were several scorch marks in the carpet, and we could hear a cracking noise -- a bit like a whip -- both inside and outside the building," said fire official Henry Barton.

Firefighters cut electricity to the building thinking the burns might have been caused by a power surge.

Clewer, who after leaving the building discovered he had scorched a piece of plastic on the floor of his car, returned to seek help from the firefighters.

"We tested his clothes with a static electricity field meter and measured a current of 40,000 volts, which is one step shy of spontaneous combustion, where his clothes would have self-ignited," Barton said.

"I've been firefighting for over 35 years and I've never come across anything like this," he said.

Firefighters took possession of Clewer's jacket and stored it in the courtyard of the fire station, where it continued to give off a strong electrical current.

David Gosden, a senior lecturer in electrical engineering at Sydney University, told Reuters that for a static electricity charge to ignite a carpet, conditions had to be perfect.

"Static electricity is a similar mechanism to lightning, where you have clouds rubbing together and then a spark generated by very dry air above them," said Gosden.

Found at;_ylt=Aml6_EAzpfxOMs3nA_6L2.6s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3NW1oMDRpBHNlYwM3NTc-

From me to you 4

Driving is a privilege, not a right. People who drive like assholes should be strung up by their pubic hairs and zapped with cattle prods.

Making a U-turn at the lights is illegal and it's illegal for a reason. If you do it despite that, don't flip off the people you nearly hit.

The acceleration lane is for accelerating. You cannot merge into traffic that is going faster than you. Coming to a full stop is definitely not going to help. If you're afraid to go faster than 40, stay the hell off the highway.

The passing lane (that would be the left lane on the highway) is (oddly enough) for passing, if you're not passing anyone (or, god forbid, going slower than everyone) then you belong in the right lane. If you can't tell you're right from left invest in a bus pass.

Tailgating is not an effective way to make someone speed up, in fact it may just have the opposite effect. If you don't like the speed someone is going, go around.

The turning lane is for people who are turning... it seems obvious, I know, but a lot of people seemed to be confused on this point.

The left turning lane is for people turning left and the right for people turning right. Turing left from the right turning lane, jumping three lanes of traffic and cutting off the people who are actually in the left turning lane is not acceptable. Again, if you can't tell right from left, invest in a bus pass.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I wish I was making this up

This is (aparently) a serious photo of a note Bush was writting.
Bush needs a potty break.

The end is near

Apparently Britney Spears has popped out her hell spawn. I believe this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Actually I'm surprised that at the moment of birth the earth didn't just open up and the mouth of hell didn't swallow us all up.
Kevin Federlaine has now "fathered" thrice (that we're aware of), I think everyone would feel a lot better if he was just forced into some kind of sterilization procedure. No one that useless (or hideous and with such awful fashion sense for that matter) should be allowed more than one kid, let alone three.
Now if you'll excuse me for a minute I feel the urge to vomit, and I'd rather not have to clean chunks out of my keyboard later.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Happy Birthday!

It was Kt's birthday yesterday... So happy birthday lady! Hope it was a good one!


My head hurts. Alot. I'd like to be taking some of these, but I took some weak ass painkillers earlier so I'm going to have to wait a bit before I do.
This is all the fault of some stupid woman who decided to wear some horrible perfume out in public. Thank you very much, you bitch.
I hate having perfume allergies, I think it may very well be the most annoying allergy in the world. (Except maybe that kid who was on Maury once who was allergic to water...)
I'm also allergic to bananas which, all things considered, is far less annoying.
God my head hurts.
Stupid everything.

Really, I work better under stress

We went to look at smoe more property today, places for the business - not places to live. The whole thing is exciting and really stressfull all at the same time.
There are soooo many things to think about, things that have to be taken into consideration, things I never really even thought about until now. (and I'm realizing how true it is when people say "location, location, location") Every time I think about how much money we're going to be spending I could just about shit.
After looking at a few places now I'm starting to get a feel for what I like and what I don't. I really can't believe the state of some of these places, which are cheeper but completely unusable (and I mean if these places were houses they would have been condemned.). While others are amazing but totally out of our price range or far too big.
The first while it going to be the hardest, we're going to have to make enough to pay off our dept, cover the rent, pay the bills and just generally stay afloat. The debt it worrying me the most at this point, but once it's all paid off I think we should be alright. This begining bit is gonna be a bit rough though.

Monday, September 12, 2005

This one's for you 'manda


Sunday, September 11, 2005


These car paint jobs are great. Cudos to whoever came up with them. (Although the first one would look a little strange with a big hairy guy sitting there.)


Ok, I just realized that I can change the font on here... without actually having to type out all the HTML codes. (forgive me, I'm new to this.) I can change the colours and the size too. (those HTML codes are a pain in the ass.) These are the things that amuse me.

On a completely unrelated note, it was Kt's bachelorette party last night. I wasn't there to see the mayhem first hand, so I hope it was awesome.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Excuse me for a second

John DiMaggio is hot. Smokin' hot. (and the URL voice he does... I'm not even gonna get in to that.) It was also his birthday a few days ago and I forgot to post it then... so I'll do it now.
Happy Birthday John! You rock dude!

I'm going to resist the urge to make a vagina joke.

(This is almost old news already, but...)Barbra Bush has apparently decided to run for president of the Heartless Bitch Club - at least that what I'm going to have to assume after her comments regarding the Katrina disaster victims.

"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (she chuckled)--this is working very well for them."

Yes, that's right Barbra, I'm sure all these people poor people who had it bad before and now have nothing left are all extatic. Those people you see sobbing in the streets are crying tears of joy that their whole lives were washed away by flood waters.
It's either that or you're completely out of touch with reality, that you're one of those people that think poor people are a burden or that they're just lazy and that you're completely heartless and talk without thinking.
Oh and Barbra, if you are infact running for Prez of the HB club - watch out for that damn Kimberly Stewart, she's quickly becoming media's favourite heartless bitch.

It's just a F---ing village

I would like to share with you the funniest news report I've read in ages. I really can't decide whether this lady is being serious or not.


Brits driving Austrians bonkers over rude village name

LONDON, (AFP) - British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinding by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly-named village.

While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of F---ing are failing to see the funny side, The Sunday Telegraph newspaper reported.

Only one kind of crimimal ever stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border -- cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humour and a screwdriver.

But the local authorities are hitting back and with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout.

"We will not stand for the F---ing signs being removed," the officer told the broadsheet.

"It may be very amusing for you British, but F---ing is simply F---ing to us. What is this big F---ing joke? It is puerile."

Local guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had a fixation with F---ing.

"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg," he explained.

"Every American seems to care only about 'The Sound of Music' (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg). The occasional Japanese wants to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau.

"But for the British, it's all about F---ing."

Guesthouse boss Augustina Lindlbauer described the village's breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas.

"Yet still there is this obsession with F---ing," she said.

"Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no F---ing postcards."

(Report found at

Thursday, September 08, 2005

So very true

From me to you 3

This isn't really advice... it's just the best thing I've heard all day, it's so true and most frightening of all is that it came from Steve-o.

   That is the fun of blogs.... it is like your own private soapbox in the middle of the biggest park on earth, and occasionally people just shout something as they walk by

His quote also reminded me of a M*A*S*H* quote (though I don't know why):

The problem with making speaches is that you just end up convincing your friends and boring your enemies.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

When in Rome...

I've been playing this game for a little while already and I'm hooked. This is one of the best games I've played in a long time. I love the look of the game overall, the characters, the diversity within the game play. It's great.
It's got lots of stealthy info gathering missions cut it with some awesome fighting. The Gladitorial battles are tons of fun. You get to hack and slash your way through everyone in sight, gain the love of the crowd so they'll throw you weapons and food, you can even pick up limbs that you sever from your ememies and use them as weapons (or pick up a freshly severed head and hold it up for the crowd).
The info gathering missions can be a serious test of patients but they're a nice break between fighting. There's lots of pressing against walls, peeking through key holes, sneeking up behind people and knocking them out to steal their clothes, and lots of listinging in on important conversations.
My only real complain with the game is that there isn't much for actual combos when you're fighting. The most you get is one maybe two, but then the moves that are available you you seem to work pretty well.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Mr. Moore to Mr. Bush

I don't know if everyone out there has seen this email yet, I don't even know if it's actually written by Michael Moore, but I agree with the basic message regardless. The way this are being handled in New Orleans is pathetic and my heart goes out to all the people who are caught up in the whole mess down there.
So here's the letter.

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.


Michael Moore

P.S. That annoying mother, Cindy Sheehan, is no longer at your ranch. She and dozens of other relatives of the Iraqi War dead are now driving across the country, stopping in many cities along the way. Maybe you can catch up with them before they get to DC on September 21st.

Oh, and if Michael Moore has an issue with me posting this he can let me know.
(And if you have an issue with it maybe you should take it up with him.)

Friday, September 02, 2005


Sorry guys, there's going to be a word verification when you post a comment thanks to the douche bags who are using the comment section to spam.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

God Damn It!

Well the damned buses aren't running, which is just peachy. How the danmed hell am I supposed to get to work!?
I don't know about everybody else but I'm getting pretty freaking sick of this shit.
If everybody could write or call city hall and bitch that would be great.


I just found out that the first season of Thundercats is out on DVD and I nearly pooped. This was by far my favorite show growing up and it still holds a special place in my heart. Actually I'm really impressed by the number of good old shows they've put out on DVD.
Although, as impressed as I am, there are still lots of old show I wish they'd put out. I'd love to have all the old Batman episodes and WKRP would be great. So many old show, so little time.