Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Once again, it's my favourite day of the whole year and I get to spend the entire thing at work. *Sigh* So please, everyone, have a good time and have a little extra on my behalf. Maybe think of me for a bit. If you're in town, drop in and say hi. Bring me some candy.
At least I got to carve my three pumpkins (pictures soon).
Oh, and here's a song to celebrate.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Happy Gwenhwyfar Day!

Over the years I've been blogging I've managed to make some awesome friends (along with some weird ones... actually most of them are both) and gain a few readers. I've been a radio guest and a guest blogger. I've gotten my share of comments and what-not. All this is nice. But today was a little different.
Somehow I ended up being the subject of two separate blog posts, which made my morning blog rounds a rather interesting trip. It also made it clear that my plan to slowly but surely take over the world is well on its way. It all begins with the adoration of a few and soon it will build.
So in honour of me and my obvious amazingness I am claiming today. From now on let today be known as International Gwenhwyfar Day!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Honest, I'm Not Dead

I just got a new job and October is just one of those months where I'm always insanely busy. I promise I will try to post something more substantial in the next couple of days. But for now, here's a meme I stole from Ted.

Go to and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you.

1) Your name?
1. gwen: adj. describing an attractive female

2) Your age?
1. 24: 24, The Jack Bauer Power Hour. The most entertainment you can stuff into a single day. Full of twists, turns, violence, and Elisha Cuthbert.

3) One of your friends.
1. robin: a shy person when you first meet them but then opens up to be a real character. they are usually fun to talk to.

4) What should you be doing?
1. sleep: You have been awake for 18 hours and are now viewing this useless definition of sleep. You are very tired and your brain is not functioning at its normal capacity. The bags under your eyes are starting to weigh you down. It's 1:30am and you have to get up at 6:30am for work. Another coffee wont help you now...

5) Favorite color?
1. green: yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occassion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that;s really not very much fun, now is it?

6) Birthplace?
6. Regina : Scottish slang used to describe a situation of rage or anger.

7) Month of your birthday?
1. may: cool; sexy; hot

8) Last person you talked to?
1. travis: hottest guy ever!!!! usually used for sexual pleasure, but not in this case.

9) Your nickname?
1. Pita Bread: Money that was a Pain In The Ass to earn.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Not In Today

Hi, I'm not in right now. You can leave a message or you can go to The Road Less Unraveled.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I Will Rule You All With An Iron Fist

I just thought I'd all let you know that I've decided to run for president.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Top Ten: Trek Edition

If you all haven't worked it out yet, I'm a giant nerd and a huge Star Trek fan. That doesn't mean that I don't have issues with the show. Actually I think an integral part of being a Star Trek fan is having issues with things about the show. It means you're a big enough geek to start thinking about things enough to take issue with them and to form an opinion.
My biggest issue with any of the shows is that, for as good as much of the make-up was (even TOS was good for the time and the budget), some of it was just downright painful. It actually makes me want to hunt down the make-up artist and hit them. Worse than that, it distracts me from enjoying perfectly good episodes.
So here are my Top Ten Worst Star Trek Make-Ups

#10: Bolians

This may or may not be because I fucking HATE Mr. Mot. He doesn't show up often but when he does I just want to punch him in his silly blue divided face. GAH!

#9: Cheron natives

I know that this make-up is on a whole different level than the rest on this list, simply because it's so... oh god, I don't even know what this is. But let me explain that it's not even the make-up that gets me crazy. I mean, it's Frank Gorshin for fuck sakes. How could I hate Frank? In anything? It's just that this make-up is entirely too "Star-bellied Sneetches" and such a painfully obvious allegory the whole thing is just kind of painful.

#8: Tyrans

Am I the only one who thinks it looks kind of like she has a vagina on her face? I dunno. But it bothers the shit out of me every time I see it. Not because it looks like a vagina, but because it's so fucking distracting.

#7: Talosians

I know that from this picture you can't tell, but the back of their heads look like asses. Giant, pulsating asses. With gross veins. You can't tell me someone didn't notice that before they shot the episode. You just know there was one guy on set who burst out laughing and everyone was like "What? What's so funny, Bob?" and he had to try and stifle his laughter and pretend it was nothing. He probably said he was thinking of something he'd seen on TV the night before.

#6: Cardassian

Otherwise known as the Spoonheads. I have never liked this make-up. Ever. But Gul Ocett here is laughably bad. Her make-up is the kind of bad that makes grown make-up artists weep.

#5: Selay (tie)

When are the writers and make-up artists on Star Trek going to realize that they'll never be able to pull off a believable reptile make-up. Years after the Gorn shittied up TOS, the Selay showed up, large as life and twice as shitty for TNG. Jesus Christ on a cracker!

#5: Anitcans (tie)

Anitcans tie for the #5 spot because I honestly can't decide which of these I hate more and because they happened to appear on the same episode. From the look of them I would suspect they evolved from the chinese crested.

#4: Tilonians

I don't think I can even begin to put into words how much I hate this make-up. I don't know who sculpted this prosthetic, but it looks like something a five year old would have come up with. I really don't even have words for this. It hurts my soul.

#3: Gorn

Okay, I swear I'm not trying to pick on TOS. But the Gorn gripe my ass something awful every fucking time I watch "Arena". I mean, the episode itself is one of my least favourites, but a big part of it is this fucking make-up. Between his disco ball eyes, his ill-fitting rubber muscles, his non-functional mouth, his stupid sparkly Tarzan outfit and that goddamned hissing-gurgling noise he makes, this has got to be one of the most ridiculous aliens to ever grace the Star Trek universe. The worst part is that we're supposed to believe this slow moving, silly looking, dip shit is scary.

#2: Andorians

These goofy bastards are a constant source of annoyance. Don't even try to blame these on the times either. This picture is from TOS, yes but the Andorians have shown up later on in other series and they're still a bunch of goofy fucking bastards. I'm not sure what bugs me more, the stupid ass blue skin or the fucking antennae. In fact, I think I actually hate the newer version more than the old version.

#1: Antedeans

Holy hell! Where to start? I really don't know. This is by far and away the worst Star Trek alien EVER. Everything about them is wrong. EVERYTHING. Even their outfits. People often complain that too many of the Trek aliens just had some weird shit on their foreheads or their noses but if this is an example of what happens when they go all the way, then by all means, carry on with the forehead and nose mods. Please. For the love of god. For my sake.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I Got Nothin'

Sweet zombie Jesus, I'm bored. Really, painfully, mind-numbingly, soul crushingly BORED. It really doesn't help that the last couple of days have been grey. Dull, shitty, drizzly, windy as fuck and grey. Who has the energy to do anything when the weather is like this? No one. That's who.
I know that I have a lot coming up fairly soon that's going to have me insanely busy and I should just shut the fuck up and enjoy the lull while I can. But, god-fucking-damnit! I HATE being bored!
So, anyone got any ideas? Anything? I'm fading fast here.

(Also, I've been going over my idea for an old-timey radio murder mystery for Blog Talk Radio again. I still think it would be tons of fun. Is anyone interested? For reals?)

Saturday, October 04, 2008

More Shit I Stole From Other Blogs

I totally stole this from Vulgar Wizard because stealin' is fun!

1. My uncle once: got a soup ladle full of chili stuck in his mouth

2. Never in my life: have I eaten a kitchen sponge

3. When I was five: Pluto was a planet

4. High school was: a colossal waste of time

5. I will never forget: that you still owe me $50

6. Once I met: the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Nice guys actually, we still do coffee once a week.

7. There’s this girl I know: who bears a striking resemblance to Jack Klugman

8. Once, at a bar: I got the shittiest service ever from a waitress that looked like Sinead O'Connor

9. By noon, I’m usually: not dressed yet

10. Last night: I should have gone to bed earlier

11. If only I had: a life

12. Next time I go to church: I'll have to remember to take my iPod

13. What worries me most: is what the comments on YouTube says about us as a society

14. When I turn my head left I see: Jim

15. When I turn my head right I see: John

16. You know I’m lying when: I'm not vertical but horizontal

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: saturday morning cartoons

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: in one of those plays nobody talks about

19. By this time next year: I'd better have more money

20. A better name for me would be: Edgar

21. I have a hard time understanding: how no one could see that Clark Kent was Superman

22. If I ever go back to school: it had better not be a waste of time

23. You know I like you if: I ask you for your opinion

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: The academy. You have to remember to thank them.

25. Take my advice: if someone tells you something is hot and not to touch it, it's best to just believe them

26. My ideal breakfast is: made by someone else

27. A song I love but do not have is: ... If I loves it, I gets it. Duh.

28. If you visit my hometown: be sure to stop in and say hello, you jerk

29. Why won’t people: just go away or failing that, give me money?

30. If you spend a night at my house: don't worry, I have handcuffs and a ball-gag

31. I’d stop my wedding so: I could figure out exactly how the fuck I ended up engaged in the first place

32. The world could do without: your attitude, mister

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: touch a moth

34. My favorite blonde is: a dog

35. Paper clips are more useful than: most library regulars

36. If I do anything well it’s: a total fluke

37. I can’t help but: wonder why I'm still doing this meme

38. I usually cry: wolf

39. My advice to my child: if you can't beat them, pay someone to have them beaten

40. And by the way: those pants make your ass look huge

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Oh For The Love Of...

Can I just ask you all a question? Because I'm dying to know. What the fuck is wrong with some people? And why do those people always come to the library? I'm really at a loss.
If you hadn't guessed already, I had to work tonight. As most Thursday nights go, it was slow and coupled with the fact that we've shown both the movies before, it was fucking painful. So I wasted as much time as I could and then ended up sitting in on the second movie. (I hadn't seen it and it was actually well worth it.)
After the show I checked the theatre, closed up and got ready to head home. But before I left I stopped in the washroom. Now the staff washroom is on the other side of two locked doors and, frankly, not worth the hassle if you're in a rush to go home so I just used the public washroom.
When will I ever learn?
Now I'm sure your choice of bathroom stall says lots about you, but for me I almost always go for the first stall. I don't know why. Laziness probably. Why walk to the other end if I don't have to? So that's the one I went to this evening. I pushed open the stall door and stopped. Like screeching halt, red-alert, iceberg dead ahead, kind of stopped.
(This is the part where you can imagine the Psycho shower stabbing-type music.)
Smeared across the inside of the open lid and mushed between the lid and the seat was a hefty piece of shit. I'm not talking about a little tiny streak, I'm talking a mashed up log.
At this point I ran to another stall. After which I washed my hands. Thoroughly. Then told the projectionist about the problem. I mean, wouldn't you? And he, of course, told maintenance. The maintenance guy came to take a look.
His description?
"Looks like peanut butter!"
Oh yeah, all class.
He also decided to leave it for the morning guy.
Me? I left. Quickly. That is sooooooo not my job.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

These Are My (Someecards) Confessions

So here's the deal, I went to someecards and found five cards to confess with.