Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Let me start by saying I'm sorry that I haven't been around at all this week. I suck. I know. Boo-urns to me. But between my brother's birthday, a whole lot of personal badness, buying a car and everything else that's been crammed in I just haven't had the time or the energy. I couldn't even work myself in to a decent rant and that is really saying something.
Oh yeah, that's right. I bought a car! For the first time in nearly a decade I am once again a car owner. *squee!*
Everyone, say hello to my new pimp-mobile Marcus!

Isn't he lovely? Yeah, yeah, I know. shut-up. He's mine and that's all that matters.

P.S. Fuck You

I quit my job today. Well, one of them. I couldn't be happier.
Seems that it's not all that hard to push me past my breaking point. Especially for the pay I was getting there. All you really have to do is staff the building almost entirely with idiots and incompetents, get the day staff to do the cleaner's job, cancel shifts without informing people, treat the staff like shit, hire three extra people and cut everyone down to one shift a week.
I left a very short, polite note and my keys on the desk and I plan on never setting foot in that shit hole again. I didn't bother leaving an explanation either because I didn't have the time for that long of a list. So to make up for it, here is a resignation letter worth leaving.

I've decided to quit this bullshit job because your incompetence gives me a migraine, L___ is a useless bitch and this place is going right down the shitter. That is of course on top of the fact that the number of disgusting jobs and mind-numbing stupidity I'm asked to deal with seems to be increasing every time I walk through the door.
To be fair tho, can you really blame me? You were the one, after all, who cut me back to ONE three hour shift A WEEK. I mean, I understand. You did hire all those extra people as we were moving in to our slow season. (Really clever move, by the way.) But you can't blame me for being an annoyed little peon any more than I can blame you for being completely unfettered by managerial sense, right?
Now because I am a fucking sweetheart and because I know of at least one person who was ready to follow me on my way out (and I can guess at several more who wouldn't need much convincing), I'd like to offer you some advice, a few suggestions, that sort of thing. Mmm-kay?
First, even during the "busy" season, the place runs find with three people. So kicking off the slow season by hiring three more people makes absolutely no sense. This is one of those things that means a MAJOR FUCKING CUTBACK IN HOURS. Somehow that always seems to make people just a teensy bit upset.
Second, giving extra shifts to the person who has told you that they want less and less work to the person who has told you they need as much as they can get - not a good plan. Generally people say what they mean when it comes to this sort of thing. Trust me on this one, you're pissing both of those people off. A lot.
Third, spend a little time learning the difference between day staff and the night cleaners. Then check what each are doing. If the cleaners aren't cleaning and the day staff is, you have a problem. A big one. Fix it.
Fourth, the recycling depot sorts everything for you. There is NO reason why the day staff should be asked to sort sticky, putrid, rotting recycling. Especially if you're not even going to have the decency to get some rubber gloves.
Fifth, training, training, training. I cannot stress this enough. If something changes or a new procedure is introduced you actually have to train the staff to handle it. Written instructions, by the way, are fine and dandy ONLY when they are written in a way that can be understood. You know, by people who speak english and not whatever jibberish it is that you seem to be writing them in. Maybe from now on you could have them proof read by several people to make sure that they are easily understood. Hmmm?
Sixth, insisting that the staff member closing up late at night (that would be ONE person) go around alone to make sure (and I quote) "no crazy people got in and are hiding somewhere" in a dangerous area of town is probably not so smart. Oh and when someone asks what to do in the event that a crazy person is actually hiding in the basement somewhere, it's probably best not to answer "Um... run." Yeah. Just a thought. Also, just a heads up, when people feel a job is unsafe they'll probably just skip it.
Seventh, GET A FUCKING CASH REGISTER. I can't even imagine how long people were fucking up the cash-out before I came along and pointed it out. Do you have any fucking clue how much easier it would be if you had a fucking cash register? I mean, come on! This is a basic item that businesses should have. Fork out the hundred odd dollars to get one. I shouldn't even have to say this one, fuck. (Also, you'll note that the instructions I wrote are actually understandable, easy to follow and only one page long. Amazing, I know. What can I say? It's a skill.)
You know what, I could probably go on forever. There are just too many things. But these ones are the biggest problems I can think of right now. The more I think about them, the more my head hurts. So let me just say take this as a starting point and work from there. If you need any help with fixing the rest of the bullshit, don't call. I don't want to hear about it. Figure it out, you fucktard. That's your job. (Actually, please expand that to "don't call me ever, for any reason. From hear on out I'm going to choose to believe you're dead.")



Monday, July 21, 2008

A Few Things

Sometimes a few things can add up to make a day worth getting out of bed for.
For instance, today I had myself a delicious waffle sandwich (that's a sandwich made with two waffles instead of bread) which I've discovered is one of the greatest things ever. Then I checked the mail to find that I had received my very first free book from Mini Book Expo (for bloggers). Let me tell you, no matter how old I get few things make me as giddy as getting parcels in the mail. (Actually I'm getting to the age where I'm just happy when there's something in the mail box aside from flyers and bills.) After that I spent most of my day sitting on the couch reading. And finally to top it all off, this afternoon I should be heading over to finalize buying a car. (It certainly nothing fancy, by which I mean it's a sardine can on wheels, but it will be mine, ALL MINE!)
All in all, not a bad day.

Dear Heath Ledger,

Since communication with you has become... well, difficult, I thought I'd write. There are a few things I wanted to say.
First, I should start by saying I was never a fan of yours. That sounds harsh but it's true and I don't want to lie to you. I hated your movies and I've never fallen for "the pretty boy" thing. You and Orlando and all the pretty boys that came before you make me want to wretch. As much as I know that guys like you end up being stuck in the same vapid, shallow, teeny-bopper roles in the same dime-a-dozen bullshit movies over and over again, I still can't work up much sympathy.
Second, A Knight's Tale was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I don't care what the screaming fan-girls say, it made me envious of Helen Keller. Also, I have not seen Brokeback Mountain. I probably will someday but I can't comment on any of your work in that film because after all the hype and bullshit surrounding it, I just couldn't bring myself to jump on the bandwagon.
And third, when I read the announcement that you'd been cast as the Joker I actually cried. I've been a fan of Batman forever and the Joker is my all time, hands down, no contest, favourite bad guy of all time. While, as previously stated, I'm not a fan of yours. So as the time grew near for the new Batman to hit theaters, my worry grew. (It certainly didn't help matters that the last Batman movie was a disappointment and Christian Bale rates almost as high with me as you do.)
Well, I saw Dark Knight.
I'm not going to take back everything I said before now. I'm not going to tell you that it wiped clean all that I hated before. I'm not because it's not true. What I will say though is this, you surprised me in a very good way. While there are still things about the movie that I wasn't really excited about and I still have a few complaints, none of them are very serious.
Your Joker was almost everything people had said it was. It was dark and maniacal, twisted and not a little over the top. It was everything the Joker should be. I walked away with an appreciation for your performance and the doubt that had welled up inside was relieved. I must say though, it was replaced with a lot of annoyance because I can't help but thinking that if you'd been pulling off shit like this all along I would never have gotten to hate you so much.
Anyway, I know this hasn't been the most complimentary letter but accept it for what it is, especially coming from someone who would actually avoid movies just because you were in them. Kudos, dude, you've impressed me which in and of itself is impressive.



Sunday, July 20, 2008

I'm Really Starting To Think...

That if self-esteem were water, I wouldn't have enough to fill a thimble.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

In Your Face, Robin

The Caffeine Click Test - How Caffeinated Are You?
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
The scary thing? I haven't had any coffee today (although I always have delusions of godlike power).

Waffle Time!

Last night I was watching TV and I came to the conclusion that I needed a waffle. Why a waffle? I have no idea. Luckily for me however, I have a waffle iron, I found a decent recipe for waffles and I actually had ALL the stuff I needed. So at 9pm I made waffle batter. (I'm one of those weirdos who actually has to make them from scratch because frozen store bought waffles are disgusting.) While I made waffles I learned three very important things.

1. Vanilla soy milk works really well in waffle batter and it makes the waffles kind of sweet.

2. I ALWAYS over fill the first batch of waffles. You'd think I'd learn.

3. My waffle iron makes farting noises which make me giggle like a small child. I am just too mature for words.

I also had to make all of the batter which made more waffles than any one person should ever eat in a single sitting, so now I have tasty waffles in my freezer I can have any time. In fact, I had peanut butter and jam waffle for breakfast instead of toast. Sometimes it's good to be me.
Oh and I was watching Scrubs while I ate breakfast and I happened to be watching an episode that starts off with John C. McGinley singing a happy little song (John C. being the #1 reason I watch Scrubs, it made me giddy**). Now you can enjoy it too!

**Bet you would never have guessed that Dr. Cox is MY favourite character, eh?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

This Post Has Nothing To Do With Dinosaurs

It mostly has to do with me pimping other sites for no real reason other than boredom. That and if other people go to use these sites they will be less likely to go tits up so I can continue enjoying them. Then everyone wins, right?
Anyway, if you were a fan of MST3K you simply must go to Riff Trax. Go now, spend a few dollars, laugh your ass off. Jurassic Park is by far the best one I've seen so far. (Damn, now the title of this post is a lie!) If you weren't a fan of MST3K, what the fuck are you doing here? Go away and come back when you've grown a sense of humour.
Next up and I was really hesitant to share this because I don't want every book I'm interested in being stolen away from me (I know what you fucking jackals are like) is Mini Book Expo (for bloggers). A site where they give you free books in exchange for your review of the books. FREE BOOKS! I think those are my two favourite words. (If any of you get your hands on I (heart) Geeks I would love to get a look at it when you're done.)
And last but certainly not least, Robin has been having a bad week. Please be sure to stop by and tell her just how lovely and wonderful she is. Because sometimes you just need a hug or at very least, someone to say nice things about you and type "HUGZ!"

Monday, July 14, 2008

Biggest Regrets

I found this video on Boing Boing today. It just kind of fit with a lot I've been thinking about lately and a very long talk I had with a friend of mine. It just kind of fits and though I'm not sure how to feel about it, it moved me. Maybe that's a good thing.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Like Some Sick Twisted Joke

I work in a library. You know those places, filled with literature, promoting literacy, really into learning, that sort of thing. A place where proper english rules with an iron fist, grammar is key and spelling, a god. At least that's what I, along with many others I would imagine, have been led to believe. I tell you friends, it is a fucking lie.
Tonight I almost wept went I saw the new poster the library made up to promote a reading program for young adults. It says (and by God I wish I was making this up) "Read Ny Gud Bux L8ly?"**
How is it possible that this got approved!? HOW!? I know I've gone off on rants about that kind of bullshit internet texting lingo before but this... THIS I can't find words for. It's just so wrong on so many levels.
First, as previously stated, the library is all about promoting LITERACY. So why the fuck are they suddenly encouraging this borderline illiterate asinine shit? The library is an institution that is meant to be looked up to. It's a place where people come to seek information. It's not a place that should be talking down to children or dumbing things down for people. (The terrifying thought is that one day these half-wit little bastards will be not only caring for you in your old age, but running the fucking country. I expect any day now we'll start passing laws that end in "Srsly not want".)
Second, this is about equal to your mother suddenly wearing daisy dukes, dying her hair purple and asking you if you want to go to the "rock and roll concert". You shuddered, right? Yeah, me too. Because it's gross and sad and the complete opposite of cool. The library is not the nerdy girl in the movies who takes off her glasses and lets down her hair to reveal that she's actually wicked hot. No. The library is the nerdy girl you went to school with, the one with the massive overbite, dental appliance, lazy eye, an almost psychotic love of algebra and who always smelt of cheese. No amount of "hip talk" is going to change that.
Third, since when did we start encouraging bad habits in youth? Are we all going to suddenly start chewing with our mouths open, picking our noses, give up on washing our hands, etc. because the kids are doing it so it must be cool? Because, silly me, I always thought that as adults we were meant to stand as a good example and to lead the way, not follow the example of every thirteen year old with the IQ of a hamster. (Although this would explain how movies like Norbit ever got the green light.)
And fourth, when the fuck did we become so fucking lazy that we can't be bothered to write a whole fucking word? WHEN!? When did people start getting half way through a word and saying "Fuck me, this writing shit takes too much effort."? I mean, for fuck sakes, you're not even WRITING with a pen and paper. You're typing! Is hitting a few extra keys really that taxing? If we've really gotten to the point as a species where, from here on out, people are actually too lazy to type I think we ought to just starting killing ourselves en masse. Because we're only about three generations away from becoming completely immobile mountains of Jabba the Hutt-esque lard who do nothing but eat processed cheese product and watch reality TV.
Sweet titty fucking Christ.
Taking it too far? Maybe. Getting worked up over nothing? Possibly. A little insane? A given.
It's my blog, fuck you.

**Blogger spellcheck almost had an aneurism over that.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

10 Signs That I Might Be A Fanboy

Well, fangirl. Close enough.
Recently I had someone over to my house who was seeing it for the first time. Their comment was something along the lines of my house being what he expected and a fairly typical Fanboy kind of house. Now I like a lot of weird shit and I have collectables (also known as "junk") but I would never have come right out and classed myself in with THAT group. It did however get me thinking.

1. One of my most prized possessions is a Franklin mint model of the NCC-1701.

2. One of the best presents I've ever received - The red Swingline stapler from Office Space.

3. There are collectables from at least ten different movies and shows in my living room alone.

4. This has been the background on my computer for about four months already. Before that, it was this.

5. My last three Facebook status updates have been obscure references that no one should get, really.

6. Some people collect stamps. I collect movie posters.

7. I get positively giddy whenever I see anything related to the new Hellboy movie and I have people who will back me up on that.

8. I'm really worried that they cast Seth McFarlane as Johann because I love Johann and if Seth fucks it up it may very well ruin the whole movie for me.

9. I often tell people that "i'll be there with bells on, you'll love me in bells". No one yet has caught the reference.

10. I have read and laughed at this.

I'm starting to think my friend may have a point.
But I'm a cool nerd, right?

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Dear Wind,

You owe me $40.



PS - Fuck you.

Dear Stomach,

Hi, it's me. Listen, we need to talk. I know we're not always on the best terms, you and I. I know I like to eat a lot of weird food that you're sometimes not crazy about and there are days when you're not exactly cooperative and I really needed you to be on your best behaviour. We have our ups and downs but I had hoped that we might be made stronger by it. I mean, at very least, I had hoped that we could find some middle ground. So I thought we should talk before this goes any further. Maybe we can salvage something.
I know that I haven't exactly picked the easiest life-style. I know that I create a lot of worries I don't need to. I know, really I do. And I'm sorry. I know that it's hard on you when shit gets crazy. But that's what I need to talk to you about. I'm trying really hard to be strong about a lot of things despite what people might think and I need your help.
As much as I would love to have my very own ulcer this summer, I'm afraid I just haven't got the time for one. I don't think I even really have the room for one. I know you've been working really hard producing extra acid and gurgling away for a while and I appreciate the effort. I know how you've been putting in overtime and getting everyone in on helping you. Tell them all thanks, by the way. But right now is just not a good time.
So could we all just try to get along? Maybe we can discuss this whole ulcer thing next year, okay?
Talk to you again soon.



Friday, July 04, 2008

See, I Told You

What's it been? Two days? I got two days since my post about being in a good mood. This morning I went to leave, got in the car and sat on my ashtray. Why did I sit on my ashtray? Because some fucker broke in to my car and went through the console.
The really stupid thing is that they didn't take my cds this time (they were all burnt). They didn't even steal my mints. They stole the cup thingy I keep in the ashtray where I keep my change. The cup, I should mention, that had exactly four cents in it. So they went through the car, made a fucking mess and made off with a $5 cup thingy and four pennies.
I hate people.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

How The Hell Did That Happen?

I forgot I had to work tonight. The most likely reason for this is because I'm fairly sure that the guy I traded with was using some kind of evil voodoo to get me to do this. Because now I'm working all four nights in the theatre. This, this is just not good.
I'm having one of those days (and I can see this lasting all weekend) where I REALLY don't want to be here. I'm actually beyond antsy. I kind of want to scream. I just need to leave and I can't.
Normally I don't mind work, in fact, I kind of like it. But when I know that I could be out doing other shit if I wasn't stuck here, this place is like a fucking prison.
Fuck I hate being a responsible adult.

Know Your Vines

If you don't read XKCD for some entirely ridiculous reason, you should start. What? Think you're too cool? Well sweetheart, if you're hear reading this shit, you're not.

Don't Worry, Something Is Bound To Piss Me Off Soon

I realize I haven't posted anything since monday but to be perfectly honest, I've been in a really good mood for days already. What am I supposed to ramble on about if I'm not pissed off about something? Frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss.
I'm not worried though, because as much as I enjoy the good times, I know that sooner or later some act of mind-boggling stupidity will bring me crashing back down and you'll get more hate filled rants. It's a funny ol' world, ain't it?
So how are all of you?