Drunk And Nerdy*

I went for supper with my friend Ted last night. Somehow we ended up spending nearly the entire time coming up with some of the best and worst drinks ever created.

The M. Night Shyamalan - A shitty drink, with a twist!

This drink is dedicated to the man and his films.

Jack - The depressing lead of the movie

Grenadine - The "something special" to lift up the lead and give him a little hope

151 - Like M. Night's movies, leaves you confused and wondering what the hell happened (and, if you've just watched one of his movies, you'll wish you were very, very drunk).

Cranberry Juice - The bitterness his movies leave you with.

Served in a Martini glass (chilled or not, it doesn't matter - much like his movies) rimmed with crushed cinnamon hearts (they claim to be cinnamon, but we all know they're not and they leave you with the taste of bile at the back of your throat).

Finished with a twist of lime (Every movie has his trademark twist, so something expected but not as obvious as lemon) - May be substituted with grapefruit if you're not feeling quite bitter enough.

The Adversary - Pronounced "Adver-ser-ee"

This is a drink for Sean Connery. It must be drunk while wearing a kilt and preferably while watching "Hunt for Red October".

Scotch - Obviously

Mike's Hard Cranberry - Something in-your-face, that clearly doesn't belong there

Served with a Jaggerbomb chaser (to get you drunk enough to slur and hyper enough to go head to head with Connery).

Sabotage - Pronounced "Sabo-t-A-ge"

This is a drink for the beloved Captain Kirk. It's a girly drink, designed to bring the ladies, to sneak up on them, knock them on their ass and have them wake up wondering what the hell happened.

Triple filtered vodka - Something easy to hide but strong enough to do some damage

Strawberry juice - A straight up girl drink

Shaved ice - No matter how hot, you're not going to melt this cowboy

Served in a chilled martini glass, rimmed in vanilla sugar with a chocolate drizzle.

The Sabre Tooth

Bacon vodka - Shot

Tabasco

Jalepeno Bacon Salt rim

Bacon Bit garnish

Meat on meat on meat, with a bite.

Substitute the Jalepeno Bacon Salt for Maple Bacon salt and add liquid smoke - You have yourself A Wolverine

The Jubilee

One shot of Blue Bols in a shot glass rimmed with Pop Rocks.

This one it pretty self-explanitory.

The Nightcrawler

Kirschwasser - Shot

Gin - Shot

Served separately, mixed in a glass and then shot.

Must be served under a black light.

The Deadpool

Redbull - Shotgunned

Green apple Sour Puss - Shot

Maple Syrup - Shot

A raw egg (served in a shot glass) - with Tobasco garnish

Red food colouring should be added to the first two shots.

Between each shot the drinker should talk himself out of each shot before doing it anyway.

Finished by punching yourself in the face.

The Bizzarro Superman

This drink is much like a traditional tequila shot.

Salt is licked off the hand followed by a shot of pure lemon juice. A shot of tequila is thrown over your shoulder. Finished by punching the person to your left.

And finally...

The Apocalypse**

This is a line shot.

3 shots - 151

1 shot - Snakebite

2 tumblers - 151

1 tumbler - Hot 100

1 pint - 151

Finished by burning down the bar.

*For the complete set of Star Trek theme drinks - go here.

** Not recommended for human consumption. Ever. For any reason.

I May Have A Problem...

Where Plenty Of Fans Have Gone Before

I got an extra day off yesterday and I decided to celebrate my good fortune by spending as much time as possible in my PJs, on my couch, watching Star Trek and generally being a nerd. I managed pretty well, had a super nerdy day and even went out for a bit and picked my self up Bones and Khan bobble heads to go with the Spock my cousin got me for my birthday.
And because all of that just wasn't nerdy enough I thought "I should start a new blog. Three just isn't enough."
So behold - Tea. Earl grey. Hot.
Engage.

01110110 00101101 01100100 01100001 01111001

01010010 01101111 01110011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100100 00001101 00001010 01010110 01101001 01101111 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101100 01110101 01100101 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00001101 00001010 01000001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101

X-Lessons

A couple months ago I bought Vol. 1 of X-Men: The Animated Series. It's one of those things I love because I grew up watching it. I used to get up early on Saturday morning just to watch it. I bought the comics. I know all the characters. So I was excited to be able to watch them again.

Last week I bought some more and since I've got myself a cold again, I've been doing little else but watching through them all.

While I was watching them (really for the first time in years) I started noticing all the little things that had never really occurred to me before.

- Scott Summers is an even bigger asshole than I remember. I never liked Cyclops, he always struck be as a jerk-bag but there were way too many times I wanted to punch him. Why the fuck is Jean even with him? Hell, Logan is a fucking pushover compared to Scott.

- I know Jubilee was meant to be the character the "younger audience" was supposed to think was cool and someone for them to relate to, but Jesus Christ on a cracker that girl is the most annoying moron in the whole line-up of Marvel characters. Her role seems to be less "being cool and relatable" and more "fucking up everything with her raging stupidity and general fuck-wittery".

- I had completely forgotten just how "late 80s/early 90s" the look of the show was. Mostly because when I was watching the show last it was the late 80s/early 90s.

- X-Men should never have done a Christmas special. It is, hands down, the lamest episode ever. I have never seen a christmas special of any show that I liked but this was absolutely bottom of the barrel.

- I do love Nightcrawler but his over the top christian preachiness made me want to puke. The fact that they had Logan kneeling in a church praying after his chat with Kurt was almost more than I could handle. What the fuck was up with that? Thanks for pushing your hardcore religious agenda on a children's show (and the right-wingers are worried about the "subliminal subversive messages" in other shows?).

- For as much as I really do love the show, it is really funny seeing just how watered down a lot of it is. I know it's because it's a kid show meant for Saturday morning viewing but hearing Wolverine coming out with classic lines like "Stop the philosophy, let's go kick his butt!", "What are you doing with her, you pile of dog puke?" and "It's adamantium tasting time, boys!" (I think we can all be thankful that didn't become his catchphrase) is just kind of sad.

- Not just for X-Men, but can all animated shows PLEASE stop creating Scottish characters (or any character with am accent) unless you are willing to either find someone who HAS an accent or can pull one off successfully. I don't know why the Scots get hit so hard in this category, but sweet Jebus... that shitty voice is making me jealous of the deaf.

I feel like at this point I need to reiterate that I do love the show. Like most things tho, that doesn't mean that I don't have plenty to complain about or make fun of.

Odds

And in other news, I bought new shoes! Yay! (no, I am not one of those "shoe freak" girls. The only three pairs of shoes I own are falling apart. It's just time, that's all.)

See What Being Sick Does To Me?

I don't know what it is but being sick and geeking out seem to go hand in hand with me. The last time I was really sick I watched the entire animated Star Trek, this time I'm watching the movies (the original series movies anyway). I'm blaming this partly on the fact that I leave for Boston in a week and I will likely have to go a whole five days without any Trek at all.

What does all this mean? It means you get another nerd post*. Feel free to ignore it, read the archives or something, listen to the old episodes of Off Topic. Whatever you like.

- I always love that Khan tells Chekov that he never forgets a face since Chekov didn't even show up until the second season. Part of me can't help but taking some sick pleasure in noting the error and part of me likes to think that Chekov was always there, just not on the bridge (the rest of me is just incredibly sad for those two parts).

- Can someone please tell me why in the hell Scotty would carry his dying nephew to the goddamned bridge rather than sick bay, please? That bugs the shit out of me every time. McCoy isn't even hanging out on the bridge at that point and since they were under attack it's safe to assume that he was trying to help the fucking wounded.

- I love Khan, a lot. Really I do. Ricardo Montalban is wicked hot and Khan is an awesome character. But... I'm still not exactly clear on how Khan figures that all this was Kirk's fault (and believe me, I'm the first one to call Kirk on his fuck-ups of which there are many). He talks about being exiled to Ceti Alpha V, but really he was given an opportunity to colonize the planet. Kirk didn't blow up Ceti Alpha VI, dude and it's more of a Star Fleet fuck-up that no one came to check up on you guys (or notice that Ceti Alpha VI had BLOWN THE FUCK UP).

- Kirstie Alley is the WORST VULCAN EVER. Honestly, if it weren't for Khan's incredible awesomeness she would have ruined the whole fucking movie.

- Tho I'm never surprised to make note of it, it should be mentioned that Kirk pops his collar like the douche we all figured he was.

- What is up with the engineering uniforms? Those are THE ugliest, most ridiculous uniform ever.

*Yeah, I know, it's all been said before and I'm only talking about Wrath of Khan. You don't like it? Get your own blog.

Yahtzee Likes It. See I'm Not Crazy!

Ok.... so that doesn't really prove anything, but it does make me feel better.

Arkham Asylum: Lock Me Up And Throw Away The Key

Games for me are divided in to three camps. 1) Games I play once or twice, never finish and don't really enjoy 2) games I play forever, never really getting to the end because I'm just picking away (but enjoying anyway) 3) and games I can't put away, play right through in one sitting, play again and again, talk about at length until everyone within a 20 mile radius signs a petition in an attempt to get me to shut up about the fucking thing already. Camp 1 has been displaying a "no vacancy" sign for years already but new titles keep showing up and demanding entrance while Camp 3 has always had shitloads of room for its very few occupants.

Well, after a long dry spell I have a new favourite game.

Mondays are my day off. I usually reserve them for doing a whole lot of nothing. Nothing important anyway. It's my day to sleep late, do a bit of shopping, make a dent in any personal projects. That sort of thing. Last Monday I woke up with a plan to play Arkham Asylum for an hour or two, get dressed and get a few things scratched off my list. That was at about 10am.

I got dressed at 9pm. After I finished the game and only because I had plans to go to a movie with my brother.

The game is awesome. I don't think I could have asked for more out of a Batman game. Or any other game for that matter.

Kevin Conroy has always been my favourite Batman voice. Maybe because (other than Adam West) he has been the Batman I've known the longest so I was giddy when Batman opened his mouth for the first time and it was him. I was equally giddy when I hear Mark Hamill's now perfectly familiar Joker joining him. Mark Hamill being, much like Kevin Conroy, forever ingrained in my brain as being Mr. J jumping effortlessly from manic insanity to menacing psycho in less than a beat.

The supporting cast was no less amazing. An army of bad guys, a ton of references, the game is littered with little gems. The only one I really want to mention (just because I really do love her so) is Harley. What would a game with Joker be without Harley Quinn to back him up? Arleen Sorkin's airheaded, drawling, obsessive, psychopathic, hopeless Harley is what made me love the character in the first place. Oh and she's got a new look... goddamn, no one pulls off that look like dearly devoted Harley.

The game itself is fantastic. The game play is awesome and engaging. The story line opens it up to so much. Batman stuck on Arkham Island with every crazy and criminal lose and out to get him. What's not to love?

One of my biggest complaints with some of the games I've been playing is the controls. I don't think every game should be pong-esque in control simplicity but lately it seems like game designers have nothing better to do with their time than to make the controls for every game as complicated as humanly possible. I'm all for options and cool shit but I shouldn't need a magic decoder ring to figure out the diagram explaining the controller set-up. Arkham does really well at giving you lots of cool shit to play with and still keeping everything manageable.

The overall look of the game is really spectacular. Everything is Batman from top to bottom. It captures that universe so well and dumps you in the middle of it. It's not campy Batman either. It's dark. Deliciously dark. People die, bad things happen, criminally insane mass murders live up to their reputation for mayhem and Batman slogs through it all with his typical style.

It's a game I happily played from start to finish in a sitting but what makes it great is that it's so full I can happily do the same again and again. A game that is only good once is hardly a good game. I do love me game with serious replayability.

If you've thought about playing the game, if you're a Batman fan, if you have some spare time just play it already.

Would I lie to you?

Punisher: Review Zone

Well, I'll hand it to them. I do feel punished. I don't know what I was being punished for but it was clearly something really bad and I've very, very sorry.
When I watch any action movie I go in knowing it's not going to be Gone With The Wind or, well, anything really amazingly good. I'm not a huge fan of the genre but I can appreciate it, even like it. It's something I do, now and then, when I just want to shut my brain off for a few hours and watch some mindless shit involving a lot of ridiculous scenarios in which many guns are fired and dead evil henchmen litter the ground like confetti at a parade. Is that so wrong?
Last night I really just wanted to watch something along those lines so I borrowed my brother's copy of Punisher: War Zone. To be honest, Punisher was never one of my favourite comic book characters but I liked them enough to have seen and enjoyed the first movie. Also, Ray Stevenson is the new Frank Castle. Have I mentioned my love of Ray Stevenson? Because he's awesomely awesome and he was one of the very big reasons I love Rome as much as I do.
I was hoping for something good.
I was disappointed. Actually that's not even a strong enough word but I'll go with it for now.
Ray was, as I expected, the best part of the movie. I was having a bit of trouble picturing him as an action hero, especially Frank Castle but he managed to pull it off nicely.
And there ends anything good I have to say about the movie.
Wait, that's not true. Wayne Knight was pretty awesome in that "hey, I'm Wayne Knight" kind of way.
There were just so many things about the movie that were bad, wrong, troubling or down-right laughable. The biggest, most glaring problem were the accents. I cringed every time 90% of the actors opened their mouths. They all went for the most over the top, stereo-typical New York drawl with limited and varied success. (By the way - Thanks, Ray, for just going with a general American accent. It worked and I appreciated it. Really.)
Dominic West was absolutely the worst offender. It was so bad I was actually having trouble even paying attention to what he was saying. Would it really have been that fucking hard to find an american actor to play Jigsaw if that was what they wanted? I mean, the US seems to be positively infested with American actors and they couldn't find a single one? Although, to be fair, Doug Hutchinson wasn't any better. He comes in at #2 in the list of "unbelievably bad accents" and he's from Delaware. (Also on the list is the mafia boss at the beginning of the film, who's name I didn't bother committing to memory who was speaking in what can only be described as a bad Godfather impression meets The Simpson's Luigi Risotto voice.)
The acting was equally as bad going from wooden to (Adam West) Batman Villain-esque over the top and back again at alarming speed. All of which was bumped up a notch by how rushed everything felt. The whole movie felt like a speeding car with no breaks.
The creation of Jigsaw being the best example. He went from being shredded in some kind of factory that's never really explained to being up and walking around half a scene later. He even gets to do a half-assed, wannabe Joker/plastic surgeon reveal scene before he spends most of the movie being completely unfazed by his transformation and about 2 seconds being all "oh I'm so damn ugly! boo-hoo!" (Again, to be fair, the make-up was painfully bad. I would have cried too.)
Really, I could spend all day picking the film apart (I could spend an hour just on "Looney Bin" Jim) but I just haven't got the time to devote to that much garbage. Between the painfully bad acting, the shitty accents, the unexplained... well, everything, the plot holes, the cliches, the make-up, the special effects, the costumes (what the FUCK was Jigsaw wearing in that last 1/4 of the movie? Seriously. What. The. Fuck.) and the sound effects (the squishy/splashy/splat sounds that every single injury made went from stupid to ridiculous to annoying to hysterical. It was like something out of a WB cartoon) it was just bad.
I did actually make it through the entire movie but I had, more than once, considered giving up and going to bed which says more about it than anything.
Finally, let me just say this - Ray, I love you. Really I do. This in no way reflects on how awesome I think you are.
But sweet titty fucking Christ, this movie was fucking awful.

*edit: When casting mafia muscle men, do you think it's possible that they could have found anyone LESS intimidating than Keram Malicki-Sanchez? Really? Because he's about as intimidating as a potato.

So Who's Coming With Me?

Here's the thing, I love Flogging Molly. I love them a lot. While I'm normally not one to be hung up on concerts (actually for the most part I don't like them, crowds bother me A LOT), I love them. And they are coming here.

Well, not here, here. Saskatchewan here. Saskatoon to be exact. Oct. 25th. (Even better as it's a Sunday and I have Sunday and Monday off! Yay!)

So I'm looking for someone or some people to go with. Seriously. Let me know if you're down, because I can get my crazy Irish freak on all by myself!

Damnit! Now I Need An iPhone!

Apparently there's a new app For the iPhone that turns it in to an old style communicator. That, my friends, is made of WIN.

Is it wrong that I would get an iPhone just so I could have this app?

Star Trek: The Review

I had to write it some time. Come on, you knew it was coming, didn't you? I just had to wait a while and let it all sink in. Today I saw it for a second time, collected my thoughts and here I am.

Here's the short version - It was mind-blowingly awesome. If I ever get the chance to meet J.J. Abrams, I just might kiss him. I loved this movie from start to finish.

And now, in traditional Kill the Body style, here's the long version (you know this was coming too, right?).

From the day that the movie was announced I've been waiting. Patiently (well, patiently for me anyway). The closer the release date got, the more anxious I got. The night it opened, I was there before anyone, ticket in hand. Obsessive? Yeah, I am. 

My expectations were high, really high. I'd kept myself from as much information as I could (aside from the previews which I'd watched dozens of times) because I didn't want to form any opinions before the opening credits even rolled. I'd heard some people complain about some casting choices, but beyond that I knew almost nothing. I even managed to keep myself from rushing to IMDB and checking everything out.

I'm glad I did. It meant I got to be surprised a few times (very happily surprised) which was amazing.

I could go in to every single detail (believe me, I could, really) but I won't. It would take me the better part of the next year to cover it all. The casting was amazing (aside from a brief appearance by Winona Ryder - honestly one of only two minor complaints I had). Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto were perfect. Simon Pegg was so awesome as Scotty it hurt. Karl Urban picked up the classic Bones paranoia, sarcasm and attitude like a natural. And Nimoy... Oh Nimoy, I can't even begin to say how much I love that man. I quite literally giggled like a schoolgirl. 

Aside from the cast, the movie was visually astonishing. There isn't a single moment in the film that wasn't breathtaking in it's style and detail. My only note on any of the visuals is that I wish I could have seen so much more of Vulcan. 

This movie should be taken from the point on as a lesson on how to make a successful prequel (there are too many examples of how not to do it). Star Trek is something I know, it's like an old friend, I've seen them all so many times there isn't much that I've missed. I know the characters stories, I know the history, I know the stories and if you can take all that in to account and still manage to surprise me, show me new things and keep me happy all at once you, my friend, have really gone where no one has gone before. I've seen the Enterprise and every version of it (hell, I own a scale model of the thing - I see it every single day) and when the shuttle flew past the newly completed NCC-1701 I saw something I know well and it felt like it was the very first time I'd ever laid eyes on it. That is how you can tell you've done something right.

I knew walking in to the film that the margin for error was huge and my expectations were so high that the chances that I would walk away horribly disappointed were too great. I worried that it wouldn't just fall short of what I hoped but that it would be an incredible flop that would leave me speechless in frustration. But even with all that, it still managed to exceed my expectations. A feat which has never been achieved before.

Finally, and most importantly of all, today when I saw it I saw it with my brother. My brother is so not a trekkie. In fact, I've been teased more than once for my trekkieness. But he wanted to see it. When we left I looked to him for an opinion (of which he has many, the unfavourable ones being loudest). He thought it was great.

He has seen maybe a handful of TNG and even less TOS. He knows little to nothing of the show. Despite all that, he understood it all AND he liked it. A lot.

Yes, I know this post makes me even more of a nerd than you already thought I was. Sorry, it had to come out sooner or later. 

This Probably Says Too Much About Me...

I have yet to see even a single episode of Heroes. I know, I should watch it, that's what I keep hearing. But I haven't. So before the cast of the new Star Trek was announced, I had absolutely no idea who Zachary Quinto was. When I heard some people were upset over the choice, I couldn't imagine why (actually, I still can't figure it out). And I was even more confused after I saw the movie. 

I thought he was wonderful. I have always loved Spock and Nimoy was one of two very big reasons I watch Star Trek. (The other is Bones. No, it's not Kirk. He was always my least favourite.) So the fact that he managed to play a character I know well and love and still make me very happy speaks volumes for him.

Now all that being said, I'll also point out, I don't think I'd ever really seen Zachary Quinto before the whole Spock thing. 

Here he is! Yay Spock!

Now here's my question - Am I the only one who prefers him as Spock? I dunno... maybe it's the ears, but I'm liking this look, a lot.

Cool Nerd God? Surprised? No.

Here I Am

I know, you were all worried about me. Right? Right?
Yeah, I thought so.
Well I'm back. I'm not dead. I mean, I'm not quite what you'd call "alive" but then, I never really was. So you know, back to sub-normal. And no, I haven't contracted some rare and exotic new disease they will name after me once I keel over, once and for all sealing my fate as being synonymous with a slow and painful death (which would be eight shades of fuckin' awesome, by the way).
I have however acquired a new addiction. By which I mean I bought a new addiction. It came in the form of a PS3. There was much giddiness and giggling. By which I mean I managed to not kill anyone in EB Games including the fucking skater prick, asshole, douche bag, fucktard who decided that the hundred or so other people crammed in to the approximately thirty square feet of store space were simply not as important as he is and tried to jump in front of me in line WHILE THE SALES GUY WAS HELPING ME. But the happiness (or what I would assume from other peoples descriptions of happiness, that emotion was) of getting my hands on a backwards compatible PS3 AND Little Big Planet (finally!) kept me from dismembering him slowly before a cheering crowd of onlookers who had all become so bitter and jaded by the post-christmas rush to consume as much useless shit because it's on sale** and were tired of self-centered wannabe oppressed minorities (ie. rich white kids with no real brains or purpose for being) acting like they own the whole fucking planet.
I brought my new bundle of joy home and have spent endless hours since sitting on my couch and playing. I've been bouncing between LBP, Tomb Raider: Underworld and God of War II (which I might actually like as much or more than the original). I actually played them so much I was even dreaming the game play in the scant few hours I slept between playing.
Little Big Planet, by the way, is wonderful. I keep trying to come up with an adequate description of the game for people and I'm at a loss for words. It's not really all that hard, but it's fun. I don't know how to make that sound better, but it is. Much. I can't remember the last time I got a new game and I really had fun. I mean, I always enjoy a new game but to just have fun in the most child-like sense of the word. Just to enjoy it for the sake of enjoying it. I'm also enthralled by the details of the game's overall look. It's just so damned... pretty. And unlike a lot of games, it's something I can see myself playing over and over again.
Underworld is also good, but a little buggy which is disappointing. I haven't had any major fuck-ups yet and believe me, you will hear about it if I do. Despite the bugginess it's been lots of fun to play. Overall the look of the game is amazing. Everything is beautiful and who doesn't love watching Lara Croft jump around exotic locals wearing almost nothing? Bouncy, bouncy, right? She even gets all glisteny after she goes for a swim. I can't imagine how these games ever got popular...
Anyway, I'll try and get some pictures of other ill gotten booty or ill booten gotty I got from people I know soon as some of it is rather awesome and other stuff just defies any clear explanation.


**The only reason I went out was because EB informed me they only just had the one backwards compatible PS3 and they could only hold it until the end of the day and I'll be damned if I was going to let it slip through my fingers and in to the hands of some grubby fucknut who just happened to wander in to the store. Crowds be damned, I wanted my fucking Playstation!

Top Ten: Trek Edition

If you all haven't worked it out yet, I'm a giant nerd and a huge Star Trek fan. That doesn't mean that I don't have issues with the show. Actually I think an integral part of being a Star Trek fan is having issues with things about the show. It means you're a big enough geek to start thinking about things enough to take issue with them and to form an opinion.
My biggest issue with any of the shows is that, for as good as much of the make-up was (even TOS was good for the time and the budget), some of it was just downright painful. It actually makes me want to hunt down the make-up artist and hit them. Worse than that, it distracts me from enjoying perfectly good episodes.
So here are my Top Ten Worst Star Trek Make-Ups

#10: Bolians

This may or may not be because I fucking HATE Mr. Mot. He doesn't show up often but when he does I just want to punch him in his silly blue divided face. GAH!

#9: Cheron natives

I know that this make-up is on a whole different level than the rest on this list, simply because it's so... oh god, I don't even know what this is. But let me explain that it's not even the make-up that gets me crazy. I mean, it's Frank Gorshin for fuck sakes. How could I hate Frank? In anything? It's just that this make-up is entirely too "Star-bellied Sneetches" and such a painfully obvious allegory the whole thing is just kind of painful.

#8: Tyrans

Am I the only one who thinks it looks kind of like she has a vagina on her face? I dunno. But it bothers the shit out of me every time I see it. Not because it looks like a vagina, but because it's so fucking distracting.

#7: Talosians

I know that from this picture you can't tell, but the back of their heads look like asses. Giant, pulsating asses. With gross veins. You can't tell me someone didn't notice that before they shot the episode. You just know there was one guy on set who burst out laughing and everyone was like "What? What's so funny, Bob?" and he had to try and stifle his laughter and pretend it was nothing. He probably said he was thinking of something he'd seen on TV the night before.

#6: Cardassian

Otherwise known as the Spoonheads. I have never liked this make-up. Ever. But Gul Ocett here is laughably bad. Her make-up is the kind of bad that makes grown make-up artists weep.

#5: Selay (tie)

When are the writers and make-up artists on Star Trek going to realize that they'll never be able to pull off a believable reptile make-up. Years after the Gorn shittied up TOS, the Selay showed up, large as life and twice as shitty for TNG. Jesus Christ on a cracker!

#5: Anitcans (tie)

Anitcans tie for the #5 spot because I honestly can't decide which of these I hate more and because they happened to appear on the same episode. From the look of them I would suspect they evolved from the chinese crested.

#4: Tilonians

I don't think I can even begin to put into words how much I hate this make-up. I don't know who sculpted this prosthetic, but it looks like something a five year old would have come up with. I really don't even have words for this. It hurts my soul.

#3: Gorn

Okay, I swear I'm not trying to pick on TOS. But the Gorn gripe my ass something awful every fucking time I watch "Arena". I mean, the episode itself is one of my least favourites, but a big part of it is this fucking make-up. Between his disco ball eyes, his ill-fitting rubber muscles, his non-functional mouth, his stupid sparkly Tarzan outfit and that goddamned hissing-gurgling noise he makes, this has got to be one of the most ridiculous aliens to ever grace the Star Trek universe. The worst part is that we're supposed to believe this slow moving, silly looking, dip shit is scary.

#2: Andorians

These goofy bastards are a constant source of annoyance. Don't even try to blame these on the times either. This picture is from TOS, yes but the Andorians have shown up later on in other series and they're still a bunch of goofy fucking bastards. I'm not sure what bugs me more, the stupid ass blue skin or the fucking antennae. In fact, I think I actually hate the newer version more than the old version.

#1: Antedeans

Holy hell! Where to start? I really don't know. This is by far and away the worst Star Trek alien EVER. Everything about them is wrong. EVERYTHING. Even their outfits. People often complain that too many of the Trek aliens just had some weird shit on their foreheads or their noses but if this is an example of what happens when they go all the way, then by all means, carry on with the forehead and nose mods. Please. For the love of god. For my sake.

10 Signs That I Might Be A Fanboy

Well, fangirl. Close enough.
Recently I had someone over to my house who was seeing it for the first time. Their comment was something along the lines of my house being what he expected and a fairly typical Fanboy kind of house. Now I like a lot of weird shit and I have collectables (also known as "junk") but I would never have come right out and classed myself in with THAT group. It did however get me thinking.

1. One of my most prized possessions is a Franklin mint model of the NCC-1701.

2. One of the best presents I've ever received - The red Swingline stapler from Office Space.

3. There are collectables from at least ten different movies and shows in my living room alone.

4. This has been the background on my computer for about four months already. Before that, it was this.

5. My last three Facebook status updates have been obscure references that no one should get, really.

6. Some people collect stamps. I collect movie posters.

7. I get positively giddy whenever I see anything related to the new Hellboy movie and I have people who will back me up on that.

8. I'm really worried that they cast Seth McFarlane as Johann because I love Johann and if Seth fucks it up it may very well ruin the whole movie for me.

9. I often tell people that "i'll be there with bells on, you'll love me in bells". No one yet has caught the reference.

10. I have read and laughed at this.

I'm starting to think my friend may have a point.
*Sigh*
But I'm a cool nerd, right?