Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Road signs aren't just decoration, honest

If nothing else, you should at least know by now that other drivers are one the biggest contributing factors in my almost constant annoyance with people in general. This feeling hasn't lessened with time. Oh no, it's gotten worse.
Most street signs don't even have words on them (based on my observations, I have to assume most people must be illiterate) and the few that you actually have to read consist mostly of numbers. Those funny white signs with the black numbers, my dear idiots, are the posted speed limits for that street. That means if the sign has a big 70 printed on it you should be going 70 kph.
I'm not going to argue with anyone who wants to go a little faster (so long as he's not riding my ass because I'm not willing to do 90 in a 70 zone). What pisses me off are the people doing 50 or (please, no!) less.
I bring this all up because a major street near here has finally had its speed limit pushed up to 70. I was overjoyed by the change and so were a lot of people (especially those of us who were doing 70 along that strip anyway). Unfortunately the joy was quickly replaced with annoyance and, at this point in time, getting damned close to rage.
Before the speed limit change most everyone was already going 70 along there. Now that it's legal everyone's doing 50. It's like reverse psychology for drivers and I'm left screaming "What the Fuck!?". Trust me, the police aren't just fucking with you! You've all gone long past the "grace period" when people might not have been sure about the change, now it's time to speed the fuck up. You're all making me fucking crazy.
Please, for my sanity's sake, could you at least try to reach the speed limit?
The gas is the one on the right.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

That's right, I'm the normal one

I said last time that there's something wrong with both me and Naiomi, that statement is still true, but I've come to realize that Naiomi is way more fucked up than me.
I was just telling Naiomi that I posted our whole talk from the other night. It went a little something like this:

Me: I posted our conversation from the other night.

Naiomi: Which one?

Me: About cocks.

Naiomi: What?

Me: When that guy cut us off and it turned into a conversation about sucking one's own cock.

Naiomi: (laughing) Oh yeah.

Me: I still think that's wrong.

Naiomi: What are you talking about? If I had a cock and could suck it, I'd never leave the house.

Me: Sweet Jesus.

Naiomi: I'd probably spit though.

Friday, June 09, 2006

I think there's something wrong with us

Naiomi and I went to see X3 yesterday and on the way home we got to chatting. Nothing specific, just shooting the shit. After that chat I'm pretty sure we should both seek counseling, normal people shouldn't have these kinds of conversations.
A guy cut us off in traffic... it evolved in to this:

Me: I hope that guy chokes on a cock.

Naiomi: I hope he chokes on his own cock.

Me: Now that would really be something... unless he's like Ron Jeremy or something.

Naiomi: Yeah, then it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Me: That just made me think of that whole Manson rumor.

Naiomi: With the ribs?

Me: Yeah. It kills me that people actually bought that whole rumor about Marilyn Manson having ribs removed so he could suck his own dick.

Naiomi: And Pam Anderson, so her waist would be smaller.

Me: How fucking stupid do you have to be to believe that doctors would just remove ribs at random?

Naiomi: Well it's not like you need them or anything.

Me: Why the hell would you want to suck your own dick anyway?

Naiomi: You could get head whenever you want.

Me: Ribs or no ribs, I don't think you'd be able to reach anyway.

Naiomi: Sure, now you're gonna try and tell me about internal organs and shit... pfft.

Me: I still think that sucking your own dick sounds wrong.

Naiomi: Maybe you really like the taste of your own pee.

Me: (Laughing.)

Naiomi: Man I wish we had a tape recorder.

Me: I'm really glad we don't.

Monday, June 05, 2006

From me to you 12

Haven't done one of these in some time, so here's another installment for the masses.

- Humid bathroom + cloth drapes = moldy drapes. Ew. (Just trust me on this one)

- If you produce a program that needs to be registered over the phone, maybe make sure that the activation section is opperational once and a while. Like lets say one of those days within the 15 day time limit given.

- Don't complain about my pets. They live here, you don't. I love them and you're replaceable. Understand?

- Cream foundation is meant for news anchors and television actors, not for street wear. If you're applying make-up like fucking spackle, you're doing it wrong.

- Your foundation should be the same colour as your skin. Colour match at your jaw line, not your fucking hair line. People with "clown face" should be smacked by everyone who has to look at that shit.