Thursday, April 30, 2009

Happy Birthday, Manly Man!

Is it wrong that my favourite picture of him is this unibomber pic? If this is wrong I don't want to be right.

Hey everybody! You know what today is? No, it's not "National Free Oatmeal Day". 
It's Manly Man's birthday! Yay! 
So everyone wish him a happy birthday or I'm going to have to start kicking some ass. Seriously. I will hunt you down.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Don't Be Alarmed, This Is Only A Test

I know, every asshole you bump in to is talking about exactly the same fucking thing lately. No, not taxes. Swine Flu. It's the new Susan Boyle of illnesses. It doesn't even seem like it's been that long since the news hit and I'm already sick to death (pardon the pun) of hearing about it.
Don't get me wrong, people are sick and others have died. That's a whole lot of awful. But statistically tens of thousands of people die in the US of the flu every single year. That's not even the whole world. And that's definitely not including all of the other horrible ways people die every single day.
Am I saying we should all laugh in the face of Swine Flu (I'm personally picturing a pigs face with an apple in it's mouth... how odd)? No, not really. People are getting sick and you should have a healthy respect for that (no pun intended). Just like you always should. But should you freak out like it's the end of the fucking world? No! Seriously, calm the fuck down. Put down the hand sanitizer and the bleach and the disinfectant and take a fucking breather for a sec.
Honest to Bob, guys, Death is not lurking around every corner waiting to pounce on your stupid ass with his piggy germs of doom. I'm sure the guy has better things to be doing, to be frank. You'd think they'd announced the beginning of the zombie apocalypse or something. The oinkers of death are not going to come swooping in to your town like locusts or (gods forbid) like the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz. Really. I wouldn't lie to you about this.
If we can't all calm the fuck down about this, it's going to turn very quickly in to a witch hunt. Reading some of the comments on certain news sites, that is what's troubling me more than the actual news.
Now, can we please talk about something else?

Monday, April 27, 2009

For A Sex Show It Was Kind Of PG-13

Okay, so maybe not quite PG-13, but pretty damned close. I don't know what it is with this city but it really is full of prudes. Having a "No nipples or ass" rule at a sex show is like... well... having a "No nipples or ass rule" at a sex show, or a "no lemons" rule at a diner.
Anyway, we went and saw lots and lots of sex toys. Some of which were terrifying and almost all of which were hilarious. Oddly enough there were very few people who seem to be freely flying their freak flags, which I was a little disappointed about. Although I was impressed and intrigued by the varied of kinds of people. So many of them really didn't look like people you'd see at a sex show.
Apart from some incredibly large insertables (which were entirely horrifying) there wasn't much to report. We made lots of inappropriate jokes, made friends with a dude in a latex man-corset and found the G spot. (Guys, it's in Regina. Go figure.)
Oh and I bought myself a birthday present. I got a lovely corset. And yes, I know this is the third place I've posted about the corset, but damnit, I love it.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Honest, I Will Write Something Soon

Once I'm less busy and stop finding excellent Kevin Spacey things.

PS - You're welcome, Robin.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Just Another Twit

Recently I joined up with Twitter. I had been resisting it for a long time, mostly because it seems kind of stupid. But as Robin started whining that they cut off her facebook at work, Twitter was the only thing she had left to stay connected. I, like the rest of humanity, can't bear the sound of a whining Robin so Twitter was the only choice. 
I'm starting to think that what Twitter needs are a few tag lines. Since spending some time on there I've come up with a coupe I thought could work.

Twitter - Thousands of Twits can't be wrong.

Twitter - Because you need to hear about all of the mundane details of my life.

Twitter - What else are you going to do at work?

Twitter - Finally, stalking for lazy people.

Twitter - They may be a celebrity or they may be some creepy impostor. But really, does it matter?

I'm also thinking about starting up my own version of Twitter. I think I'll call it Bitter. Somehow I like the sounds of that better.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

This Has Very Little To Do With Anything

But this is definitely my favourite Kevin picture at the moment. And seeing as I'm stuck at work and bored to tears, here it is again. Hooray!

PS - You're welcome, Robin.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Izzy Magoo's: World's Shittiest Diner

If you ever come to Regina and are looking for food, you're in luck. We have one of the highest restaurants per capita in the country. This is also means you're in luck because you can be kind of picky. That many restaurants means you don't have to eat somewhere shitty for lack of choices (isn't life grand?). And luckiest of all, it means that even if you show up in town starving to death and so desperate that you'll eat anywhere, you STILL won't have to eat at Izzy Magoo's.
For those of you who don't know, Izzy Magoo's is a 50's theme diner. They've got the old timey booth seating, records on the walls, old movie posters and all the 50's-ness you can handle. It's one of those places that might be cool if it didn't look horribly slapped together on a minimum budget. Theme restaurants are something that can be costly to put together if you care to do it right and clearly these folks didn't. But hey, even the biggest dump can still pull off a decent meal, right?
I've eaten in plenty of places that were in serious need of a face lift and still got great food. This was not one of those times.
The first major disappointment - dessert. Mostly that there was none. As is NONE AT ALL. As in "where the hell is the sweet stuff?" This also means that there was no pie. Any place without pie immediately loses major points. 
The we ordered drinks. Paul and I got iced tea and as we all know, iced tea is hardly worth drinking without a wedge of lemon. Again - denied. No lemon. Apparently the owner has a "no lemon policy". I am so not making that up. You are not allowed to have a wedge of lemon with your drink.
Now excuse me for a second but I'm paying for a drink and paying a lot more than it's worth. Enough, I would imagine, to pay for the actual cost of the drink itself and still have enough left over to buy a whole bag of lemons. So why, exactly, is it that I can't have a piece of a fucking lemon? I'm the customer, I want a lemon, that should be reason enough.
So we get our lemonless iced tea and we flip through the menu. It's a lot of standard diner food with a bunch of 50's buzz words and car names to jazz it up. 
Paul gets a burger, Jen gets a sammich and I get some fish and chips (which I'm informed comes with lemon). I ask if I can substitute my fries for "frings" which is a combo of fries and onion rings. The server says that's fine. 
Two minutes later she's back to say it isn't.
I could order just fries and then get an appetizer order of onion rings. Paul suggests he change his salad to onion rings and then we can just swap each other half of our respective fried side dishes.
Great, let's do that.
When our orders come, the fish appears to be the "Captain Highliner" variety and the server plunks down a squeeze bottle of Kraft tartar sauce.
Do you have any idea how easy it is to bread fish yourself or, for that matter, to make your own tartar sauce? I do it all the time. And it kicks Kraft's ass.
When we ask for a second plate so we may let our fries and onion rings co-mingle our sever grimaces a little. 
"There is a $2.50 plate charge."
"If I bring an extra plate."
You're kidding.
"It's a rule."
She's not kidding.
"And we're out of lemon."
How about comment cards? Do you have any of those?
I can see why.
She tells us the owner doesn't care and we can complain all we like. He won't give a shit.
Great business strategy. 
So you see, if the half-assed atmosphere doesn't drive you away, if the food isn't sub-par enough, if the music isn't crappy enough, if there aren't so many rules you want to scream, if the fact that the owner clearly treats his staff like shit all aren't reason enough not to visit this festering dung heap - just keep in mind, he cares about you just as much as he cares about his staff. You're the customer and should be listened to carefully, treated well and cared for and about. After all, you're the one with the money.
Besides, business owners who treat their staff like shit should be strung up by their balls.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Questions? I'm Full of Questions

Well, I'm full of something. 
Here's the deal. I'm bored and far to lazy to think up something original to write about so I'm going to offer up some one of a kind Gwenhwyfar type interviews. I'll interview you (by which I mean I'll send you five or so questions) or you can interview me. Hell, you can do both if you like. If you interview me I'll pst my answers here and if you like you can post them somewhere else too.
Doesn't that sound like fun kids?
So if you're interested, leave a comment to that effect and if I don't have your email, make sure I get that too.