Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Just Getting Paid To Write Would Be Good

I have a suspicion that anyone who has a blog that they actually update regularly secretly dreams of being a writer. I know I would love to get paid for writing. Hell, I do enough of it. But then it was Hunter S. Thompson who said "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." So maybe it's a "grass is always greener" kind of thing.
Anyway, on to the meme (which I'm stealing from Fabs.)

10 Signs A Book Was Written By Me

1. Most of the cover is obscured by the "Explicit Content" warning sticker.

2. After about the first ten pages you realize it really is just one long rant about something stupid.

3. Total occurrences of the word Fuck (or some variant): 35,478

4. Understanding everything in it exposes you for the nerd you are.

5. There is an entire chapter devoted to bending bloggers over a child sized coffin and fisting them.

6. There are chapters devoted to Kevin Spacey, Alan Rickman and the Wonder Twins.

7. Jerry Falwell's corpse reanimates itself in order to protest its release.

8. Page 115 is just a grocery list that got suck in there by mistake.

9. The audio book is read by John de Lancie but he is credited as Q.

10. When you take every fifth word from every third page and get instructions for building a working time machine.


Robin said...

Would The Wonder Twins end up on the cover of the book? I'm just wondering...

Gwenhwyfar said...

Probably. I know that they'd end up in the collection of photos in the middle of the book.

Robin said...

Well, that's good to know.

Clay said...

I like that Q would read the audio book! I hate audio books, but I would buy that.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Robin - It's good to see as well.

Clay - Well that's one copy sold.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Awesome! I was worried I wouldn't be in it, until I read #5.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Don't be silly Fabs, of course you'd be in there. I'd probably even ask you to write the introduction.