I don't know what it is lately, but in the last week it seems like whenever I'm around people I'm in a pretty good mood. This afternoon I made it through an entire car ride with my mother without feeling the urge to strangle the life out of her. Work has been good. Even the most trying person I had to deal with all week didn't faze me at all.
But as soon as I'm home alone it all goes to shit. I fall into a really horribly shitty mood. I'm not angry or sad or anything. I just feel like shit. I think the closest thing to how I feel is a general sense of malaise.
I'm sure a big part of it is that I have entirely too much time to think. I know better than anyone that it's not a good thing. When I sit around thinking about everything I end up working myself into, well, this. But I'm really struggling with a way out of the cycle. I'm broke so I stay home and end up thinking about being broke which makes me feel like shit. So I try thinking about ways to not be broke which ends up making me feel hopeless (don't ask why, I don't know). Gah... Stupid brain! Shut up!
Anyway, I feel like shit.