Dear Marilyn,

Or is it Mr. Manson? Does it matter any more really? Can we talk for a minute? Because there is something on my mind and it's your latest album. I picked it up today because, despite what's been said about the glory days of shock rock, I still like your stuff a lot (though I'd be lying if I said that Mechanical Animals was my all time favourite album).
Antichrist Superstar was great, it came out at the right time for me and for all it says about me, it meant a lot to me at the time. It was what I needed to vent some of my personal rage (now I have a blog to help me with that). Listening to the older albums and everything that followed I was right there with you. Right up to Golden Age (which I really do love, by the way). It was stagey and over the top and shlocky, but I loved it. In fact that's part of the reason why I loved it.
But this new one, Eat Me Drink Me, I... I just don't know what to say. I listened to the first track a little confused. I thought maybe it was because I'd been listening to a lot of Rammstein in the last week and I was having trouble switching gears. So I listened to the second, more confusion. After the fourth I shut it off. I can't remember the last time I listened to a CD put out by an artist well established in my collection for the first time and shut it off less than half way through. But I actually decided I must be in a weird mood or something. I'd pick it up later and try again. It can't be that bad.
It's later now and I'm listening again. I know it's not my mood. I know it's not a mental gear still stuck in german industrial. It's this CD.
It is that bad.
And worse than that, it's laughably bad. The more I listen the more I want to turn it off. I think it's actually breaking my soul. It's just so fucking... emo.
Christ, man, you went from being the religious-right's number one enemy, the fucking Antichrist Superstar to being a sad sack, ballady, wannabe spooky, emo of the fucking week. I mean this shit is so fucking lame I didn't even really hear about it until very recently because no one was protesting it. The rabid, suit wearing, bible thumping Jesus freaks weren't offended enough to protest which means the media didn't report it, which means no free advertising. And as much as I'm sure they would hate to admit anything of the kind, they have been the biggest help to your career over the years.
You know this as well as I do. I've watched you for years. You're a salesman and a damned good one. You've sold yourself, your image and you've used every trick in the book to make sure than everyone knows your name and knows your music. It was genius. You deliberately pushed people in to a frenzy because you know how much free advertising and controversy are worth in the long run. I think that you should be applauded for the skill with which you stayed on top of it all.
But this garbage isn't even worth one fucking protest sign.
Every song is a garbled mess. The music itself sounds like you've hired some drug addled homeless crazies with no knowledge of musical structure or ability to play, well, anything and let them have at it. A good 75% of the vocals sound like they're being slurred by a hopeless drunk who's just lost his best friend, his dog, his job and anything else he ever valued. It's the same aggravating monotone talk-moan-whine-not-quite-singing bullshit on every goddamned fucking track. The lyrics are such emo whiney shit that I can picture a fourteen year old with that cockbag haircut sitting in a dark room trying desperately to write something deep and dark and spooky. Even the fucking CD insert is annoying. Every picture is of you, looking sad and whiney.
I'd blame this all on drugs or alcohol, but I know that you've been going hard on those since day one. So what? Did you write this album sober?
I would happily welcome back that questionable Glam Rock faze, complete with boobs and all, rather than have to listen to this shit. Listening to it I kept waiting for the music to stop, for you to laugh and apologize because it was a joke. A really bad joke. But you didn't, because it's not.
It's just sad, shitty, garbage.

Sorry for being so harsh, man. Sometimes the truth hurts, but you have to hear it. And me, I'm no good at sugarcoating.

-Gwen