Wednesday, November 21, 2007

From Me To You 21

- Christmas, in case you've forgotten, falls around the end of December. Setting up your tree before mid-December and taking down later than January makes you an asshole. Especially if you're one of those idiots who's putting up their christmas lights before Halloween and taking them down in May.

- I shouldn't be forced to listen to Christmas carols in every god damned store I go into from Nov. 15th until Jan. 15th. It's annoying the shit out of me, I know it's annoying the shit out of other people and I have to wonder how the employees make it though without killing any one.

- Not everyone celebrates Christmas. I just thought I'd point that out as people seem to have forgotten that not everyone in the whole fucking world is Christian.

- If you take the time to sit down and write a form letter about how wonderful and perfect your family is, how much money you make and how great your life is, then send it off to relatives you haven't seen in years - chances are they think you're a douche bag. They have probably also come up with a scornful title for you letters. And I can almost guarantee that they make fun of you, your offspring, your life and your stupid letter mercilessly.

- No one thinks your spawn is cute. We all just want you to shut that screaming shit machine up. Don't go getting all high and mighty with me either. Everyone around you has rights too and that thing is a fucking noise violation.

- Maybe if you spent more time working on disciplining your kids and less time telling them that they special and perfect and everyone will love them just for being themselves, they wouldn't be such a bunch of ill-mannered, demanding, spoiled, assholes.

- The 100 mile diet works real well in places that produce a wide variety of foods, year round. In some places, everything is frozen solid for more than half the year, never produce any real amount of fruit and are no where near a lot of the foods people need to maintain anything resembling a balanced diet.

6 comments:

Jason Doan said...

Merry Christmas sweetie.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Same to you, Jackass.

Veneerial disease said...

I'm going to set up my christmas tree this weekend. I don't see why it is a cause for you to get up in arms? I mean, getting upset about something so harmless kept within the confines and privacy of one's home seems strange. You would thinkg everyone is coming and setting trees up in your living room as opposed to their own.

Gwenhwyfar said...

You don't come here much, do you?

Steve (Veneerial Disease) said...

What do you mean? Clearly it is me, steve, for god's sake hahahah! Who the hell else would put their name as "Veneerial Disease" (A play on words, if you didn't catch it, considering I have veneers)

Gwenhwyfar said...

Steve, after years spent drifting through the interwebs I've stopped wonder why people call themselves anything. And setting up your christmas tree doesn't make you an asshole, you're an asshole all year round. (also, I assumed that "veneerial" was a misspell... hahahaha)