Thursday, July 10, 2008

Like Some Sick Twisted Joke

I work in a library. You know those places, filled with literature, promoting literacy, really into learning, that sort of thing. A place where proper english rules with an iron fist, grammar is key and spelling, a god. At least that's what I, along with many others I would imagine, have been led to believe. I tell you friends, it is a fucking lie.
Tonight I almost wept went I saw the new poster the library made up to promote a reading program for young adults. It says (and by God I wish I was making this up) "Read Ny Gud Bux L8ly?"**
How is it possible that this got approved!? HOW!? I know I've gone off on rants about that kind of bullshit internet texting lingo before but this... THIS I can't find words for. It's just so wrong on so many levels.
First, as previously stated, the library is all about promoting LITERACY. So why the fuck are they suddenly encouraging this borderline illiterate asinine shit? The library is an institution that is meant to be looked up to. It's a place where people come to seek information. It's not a place that should be talking down to children or dumbing things down for people. (The terrifying thought is that one day these half-wit little bastards will be not only caring for you in your old age, but running the fucking country. I expect any day now we'll start passing laws that end in "Srsly not want".)
Second, this is about equal to your mother suddenly wearing daisy dukes, dying her hair purple and asking you if you want to go to the "rock and roll concert". You shuddered, right? Yeah, me too. Because it's gross and sad and the complete opposite of cool. The library is not the nerdy girl in the movies who takes off her glasses and lets down her hair to reveal that she's actually wicked hot. No. The library is the nerdy girl you went to school with, the one with the massive overbite, dental appliance, lazy eye, an almost psychotic love of algebra and who always smelt of cheese. No amount of "hip talk" is going to change that.
Third, since when did we start encouraging bad habits in youth? Are we all going to suddenly start chewing with our mouths open, picking our noses, give up on washing our hands, etc. because the kids are doing it so it must be cool? Because, silly me, I always thought that as adults we were meant to stand as a good example and to lead the way, not follow the example of every thirteen year old with the IQ of a hamster. (Although this would explain how movies like Norbit ever got the green light.)
And fourth, when the fuck did we become so fucking lazy that we can't be bothered to write a whole fucking word? WHEN!? When did people start getting half way through a word and saying "Fuck me, this writing shit takes too much effort."? I mean, for fuck sakes, you're not even WRITING with a pen and paper. You're typing! Is hitting a few extra keys really that taxing? If we've really gotten to the point as a species where, from here on out, people are actually too lazy to type I think we ought to just starting killing ourselves en masse. Because we're only about three generations away from becoming completely immobile mountains of Jabba the Hutt-esque lard who do nothing but eat processed cheese product and watch reality TV.
Sweet titty fucking Christ.
Taking it too far? Maybe. Getting worked up over nothing? Possibly. A little insane? A given.
It's my blog, fuck you.

**Blogger spellcheck almost had an aneurism over that.


Avitable said...

I agree with you completely!

Bluepaintred said...

this is the best line in the entire internet : I expect any day now we'll start passing laws that end in "Srsly not want"

Robin said...

My mom works in a library and I think at this point she's almost become immune to all the stuff she sees.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Av - That scares me a little.

Blue - Fuck yeah!

Robin - Like I said, outside the library it's getting to the point where I don't notice so much but the fact that this came from the library itself scares the ever loving shit out of me.

Janna said...

so w8, U h8 the tXt...

Ooops! Sorry.
Moment of insanity there.
I agree wholeheartedly that kids should be learning proper English.
Even if we have to beat the ever lovin' shit out of them to make them understand why garbage like this is NOT ok in a library.

Coleslaw said...

I just laughed so hard, I shot water out my nose onto the computer screen. Thanks, lovely wife, for reminding me, again, why I love you and hate 95% of humanity. :D

Gwenhwyfar said...

Janna - Indeed! Although, if you ask me, we should be beating the shit out of them anyway. Little bastards.

Cole - YESSSS! That makes it all worth it. (and I love you too, wife.)