Wednesday, May 27, 2009

X-men Origins: What The Fuck?

I wasn't sure I was going to see it, to be perfectly honest. That alone should say something about this movie. I love the X-men, I've read the comics, I've watched the show, hell, I have some of the trader cards and I was still strongly considering giving it a miss. But my brother saw it and reported back that it was "watchable". So last night we went.
Where to start?
The good news is that, for the most part, the casting was pretty damned good. 
I know lots of people have complained that Hugh Jackman isn't the best choice for Wolverine, but he's established himself as the clawed one now, so can we move on? 
Liev Schreiber actually did a much better job than I was expecting. As far as being someone who could become Sabretooth, he really did a good job. 
Ryan Reynolds was, well, Ryan Reynolds. Actually I'm pretty sure that's just how the guy is. 
Really, my only serious complaint in casting was Gambit. Taylor Kitsch was bloody awful. Gambit is and has always been the ragin' cajun and this guy couldn't even hold down a decent accent. Instead it came in annoying burst along with his ridiculous acrobatics and awful hair. 
Unfortunately the movie itself is full of some serious fuck-ups regarding characters and their backgrounds. Any half wit with internet access can check these things online after searching for about 20 seconds so how this got past the writers is beyond me.
But the biggest problem with this movie is the effects. They're not just bad, they're laughably bad. When Logan in standing in the bathroom testing out his new metal claws I actually started cracking up. They could have looked more cartoony if I had been watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Emma Frost's skin, for the record, is diamond hard NOT covered in tiny diamonds. It looked like some amateur job from Worth1000. And Patrick Stewart's brief cameo... I actually had to look again just to see if it was actually him. What the fuck did they do to his face!?
The most painful thing about the movie is that, essentially, it is a watchable movie. It's not great, but it's passable. But the shitty effects make the whole thing shlocky and awful at worst and laughable at best. In the credits they list about half a dozen effects companies and all I could think was "all those people and not a one could pull of a decent effect to save their lives".
This movie was so painfully lackluster that I can't even work myself in to a decent rant.
On the upside - I saw it on a Tues. so it only cost me $5.


Anonymous said...

are you kidding me?
kitsch was the best thing in that movie

Robin said...

I love Liev, just sayin.

Gwenhwyfar said...

A - Did I sound like I was kidding?

Robin - Me too.

Janna said...

So, what you're saying is I might as well just go buy a box of Sno-Caps or Gummi Bears and eat them here at home instead?

Actually, that's kind of what I'd planned on doing anyway.

Gwenhwyfar said...

I'm glad I could help you with that decision.