Ode To A Pecker Head

Dear Asshole,
I know you may not know me, I understand it must be hard to see anyone with your head that far up your ass. But I know you. Trust me, we all do. Pricks like you tend to get a lot of notice.
I would also understand that you don't know me as you seem to think you're so far above me. Trust me, fuckwit, getting paid more doesn't put you above me. It never has and it never will. You're still a little bitch.
I'm addressing you because, aside from your normal aggravating antics, you're pissing me off. A lot. So I just want to clear the air on why.
First off, like I said, you make a fair amount of money. So it would be nice to see you work for it once and a while. I'm getting sick as hell of having to do your fucking job for you. When someone asks you for help finding something, it is in fact your job to help them. Standing up behind your desk and pointing to the general location of an item is NOT helping. You actually have to get up and walk
over to where the item is.
See the problem is, if you don't, in twenty minutes when they can't find what they're looking for they certainly aren't going to go back to you. You didn't help the first
time, why would you the second? So they're going to come ask me.
Second off, since you're such a useless fuck, calling other people's competence in to question is a really, really bad idea. Especially when you're doing it to cover your own ass. We all know how to do our jobs and we all know when you're full of shit about something.
And lastly, we all know that you take things without checking them out. You're not fooling anyone. That's tantamount to stealing, you stupid fuck.
You've got no allies left and no one is going to put up with
your shit much longer. Consider that next time you get all high and mighty.