Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Hey You! Off My Planet!

Can someone please tell me what the fuck is up with Jared Leto? I seriously thought we were all done with this freak years ago. But no, he's back. And creepier than ever.
More than one site I've visited in the last week has posted pictures of "fat" and "anorexic" Jared. I'd love to tell you what sprung to mind when I saw the pics, but I don't have words for it. My brain just kind of recoiled in horror. I'm not sure which version of his is worse, but both seem to be wearing the droopiest tighty whities known to man (just typing that made me gag). And they all look like the kind of pictures some nerd/freak/pervert takes of himself in his basement with an old polariod. (I'd post them, but honestly, I don't want to look at them ever again)
What happened to the good old days when everyone had forgotten who this guy was? Suddenly I'm reading about his shitty band and seeing pictures of him in the lamest Emo-wear available. He's threatening Elijah Wood (not that I'm discouraging threatening him, it's just rediculous that Jared Leto threatens anybody) for not liking his band. And now he's getting mangled at his own concert (not that I'm surprised, if I went to a concert and realised it was 30 Seconds to Mars I'd probably mangle him too) and people actually care! What the fuck?

And who is the fuck-up that started answering OJ Simpson's calls again? Here's another looser I thought we were done with. Why can't people accept their shame and shunning quietly and do everyone a big favour by just fucking off?
After stunning the world with his own stupidity by publicly announcing "If I had done it" or whatever the hell the book was called, you'd think that any lingering interest in him would have vanished completely. Everyone had finally gotten to a place in their lives where guilty-not guilty didn't matter any more. He'd faded, nicely. But he couldn't just leave with what little dignity he had left (and it is very little), he had to slap everyone in the face and say "Look at me! I'm so ridiculous I've started to morph into a cartoon villain!"
There was a brief moment when I was actually hopeful that it was the end. There couldn't possibly be more. When the plug was pulled on the book (the drugs must have worn off) and he was a laughingstock, that it was over. He'd surely go away again. But you see what even a little optimism gets you? Disappointment and pain, folks. Every time.
Now he's at it again, claiming that Anna Nicole's baby is his. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?

Finally Britney Spears.
Sweetheart, no one is laughing with you any more. They're all laughing at you. You're stupid, sad, annoying, insane, drugged up and washed out and it's all your own fault. Life's a bitch, eh?
You had a pretty good thing going there for a while and then you married the most aggravating leech on the planet. And bore his children. You got fat and showed us all how disgusting you really are (we would have worked it out eventually, but you just kind of threw it in our faces. Didn't you?). Men's penises around the world wept at your acne-ridden, cheese puff smeared, nasty self. And we all watched as you moved into a tie with Michael Jackson for "most questionable judgement regarding child safety".
I never thought I'd see the day where I would catch myself thinking that those children would be better of with K-Fed. But here it is.
I'd suggest suicide, but after a month of being subjected to all of Anna Nicole's bullshit, I really hope you don't. Freaks of that magnitude seem to become even more annoying postmortem. So could you do us all a favour and fuck right off?


Angry Admin said...'re like Foamy the squirrel without sounding like you're on helium.

Nice rant.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Thanks. I think.

Jason Doan said...

Didn't you get the memo? It's no longer cool to make fun of Britney. We are now required to say nice things about her.

Gwenhwyfar said...

I tried, but ended up vomiting on my keyboard and that shit's hard to clean.