Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Things I Do For You

Yesterday I had to stop for some groceries after work. This was a bad idea for several reasons, the two biggest of which being the "after work shopper" crowd that makes me want to kill and the fact that I tend to be hungry after work. 
Regardless, it had to be done.
While I was shopping I noticed a display of new and/or cheap stuff. This sort of thing goes completely unnoticed or ignored for the most part, but I was hungry and I needed something to distract me from having to kill everyone in the store just for being so fucking stupid and irritating. It was a display of italian soda or at least PCs version of italian soda. Two different kinds.
Blood orange (which I love anyway, bet you couldn't have guessed) and Coffee.
Hmm... coffee soda. Weird. 
You know I bought some, right?
Well now I'm going to try it. I have a feeling it's either going to be really good or incredibly, mind explodingly, tongue destroyingly bad. 
You're hoping for the latter aren't you, you jerk?
Here goes...

Well... it smells like coffee. Kinda. In that "instant coffee" kind of way.


I... umm.... 


yeah... That's... weird. It's like cold, sweet, black, fizzy coffee. At least one of those words doesn't belong in there. I think it's the "fizzy". My mouth is having trouble with this one, to be honest. Because the taste is telling my brain "hey, it's sort of coffee!" and then my tongue is all "wait a fucking second here. It's fizzy. Something is wrong. Very wrong."
I'm kind of thinking it might not be so bad as a float. At least then it would kind of be like an ice coffee... a fizzy ice coffee. Made with shitty coffee. Hey, maybe the ice cream would kill the taste of this. But why waste good ice cream? And why the fuck wouldn't I just drink an ice coffee? Made with good coffee instead of this "instant" taste, which is really throwing the whole thing off.
The funny thing is, it says "made with real coffee extract" while it tastes like they extracted it from the sludge that's been sitting on the burner in the office coffee pot since 9am. You know what I'm talking about, that last cup no one wants and everyone is too chicken shit to just dump. If you took that and made a soda out of it, it would be this. If that coffee happened to not actually be coffee but instead it was that bargain bin instant coffee. 
Really, I wouldn't buy this again. It's kind of bad. 
And by kind of, I mean really.
I've had the japanese canned coffee they sell as well and that stuff is actually pretty fucking awesome. Ice cold, it's one of my favourites. And it's not fizzy. It's also about the same price. Added bonus - It doesn't taste like a coffee bean just shit in my mouth.
Fuck you, PC italian coffee soda. You make my taste buds sad and that is a crime I cannot forgive. Go back to the hell from which you came!
On the up side, the blood orange one is wicked.


Robin said...

Manly Man can't read this, he'll die. He LOVES blood orange and on top of that he collects cans. Yes he collects cans, he collects wrappers, he collects Hello Kitty and also cereal boxes. I think it's more likely that he doesn't exist than that I don't exist.

(I'm not sure I said that sentence right, whatthefuckdoicare)

Gwenhwyfar said...

Every time you tell me more stuff about MM I feel like a little kid. "Gee I hope they move here so I can go over and ask if he can come out to play."