Friday, June 05, 2009

I Fought The Urge And The Urge Won

Since the whole Twilight thing became such a world wide plague and every other blog post in the entire blogosphere has either been a pro or anti Twilight post, I've been trying to avoid the subject completely. Mostly because, like so many other things I find remarkably stupid, I was hoping that maybe it was just a fad that would be gone before the end of the week.
Unfortunately I was wrong.
Apparently Stephanie Meyer has some kind of terrifying hypnotic power that has convinced scored of people that her books are complete drivel. That sparkly vampires are cool. That "vegetarian vampires" isn't the stupidest phrase ever uttered by a human being. I'm not sure how she does it but I think we should all be afraid.
But to be honest, this isn't really a rant about Twilight. They've been done to death and let's just say that I'll add my voice to the chorus of people who are booing it. This is a rant about another beast. 
Robert Pattison.
Can someone please explain to me what, exactly, all these girls are swooning about? PLEASE!? Because all I see when I look at him is a fugly, pale, effeminate, manorexic, heroin chic, douche bag. Even as far as his "acting" goes, from what I've seen of the movie he comes across as little more than a vapid, emo, airhead.
When did that become sexy? 
I don't get it.
How did we go from Brad Pitt to Robert Fucking Pattison?
I shouldn't be completely surprised, I had the exact same thought about Orlando "look at my amazing inability to grow facial hair" Bloom. Fugly, effeminate, douche.
Honestly, it's not even that I care that everyone seems to be in love with the freaks. It means more Hugh Jackman for me. Keep your girly men. If I want one for myself, I'll take David Bowie. He may be effeminate, but he's the original hot-fem. 
What gripes me is that when the world goes nuts for a couple of these freaks, Hollywood does it's damnedest to find EVEN MORE of them. They start producing more "Twilight-esque" movies, bring out the Robert Pattison 2.0 (who is already just Orlando Bloom 4.1) and suddenly a cultural phenomenon I found vaguely annoying starts seeping in to things I enjoy. 
So now I'm begging you, please, take a really good look at these "hot guys". Think about what you're saying. Because, believe me, if it carries on the way it seems to be carrying on, it won't be long before I snap entirely and no one really wants that. Right?

6 comments:

Robin said...

I couldn't agree more, I never understood the love for him but I'm fairly certain nobody would have given him a 2nd look if he hadn't been in Twilight.

May-B said...

Until you see the movie, you don't get it. He's not really attractive in real life. But he's totally swoon worthy on film. Otherwise? He's too girly.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Robin - Out of curiosity I checked IMDB to see if he'd actually been in anything else. Apparently he was also Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. It took me a second to think back and it was one of those "Oh! That's dumbass! Yeah, I didn't like him then either."

B - Chances are good I wouldn't like him in that either. But then chances are good that without the aid of RiffTrax, I won't ever see twilight.

Robin said...

Yeah...we'd get along just fine.

Princess of the Universe said...

I am with you on this 1000% - even on film- Harry Potter, Twilight..I just don't get it.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Robin - I think so, yeah.

PU - There are a lot of fads that I really don't get.