Unfortunately I was wrong.
Apparently Stephanie Meyer has some kind of terrifying hypnotic power that has convinced scored of people that her books are complete drivel. That sparkly vampires are cool. That "vegetarian vampires" isn't the stupidest phrase ever uttered by a human being. I'm not sure how she does it but I think we should all be afraid.
But to be honest, this isn't really a rant about Twilight. They've been done to death and let's just say that I'll add my voice to the chorus of people who are booing it. This is a rant about another beast.
Can someone please explain to me what, exactly, all these girls are swooning about? PLEASE!? Because all I see when I look at him is a fugly, pale, effeminate, manorexic, heroin chic, douche bag. Even as far as his "acting" goes, from what I've seen of the movie he comes across as little more than a vapid, emo, airhead.
When did that become sexy?
I don't get it.
How did we go from Brad Pitt to Robert Fucking Pattison?
I shouldn't be completely surprised, I had the exact same thought about Orlando "look at my amazing inability to grow facial hair" Bloom. Fugly, effeminate, douche.
Honestly, it's not even that I care that everyone seems to be in love with the freaks. It means more Hugh Jackman for me. Keep your girly men. If I want one for myself, I'll take David Bowie. He may be effeminate, but he's the original hot-fem.
What gripes me is that when the world goes nuts for a couple of these freaks, Hollywood does it's damnedest to find EVEN MORE of them. They start producing more "Twilight-esque" movies, bring out the Robert Pattison 2.0 (who is already just Orlando Bloom 4.1) and suddenly a cultural phenomenon I found vaguely annoying starts seeping in to things I enjoy.
So now I'm begging you, please, take a really good look at these "hot guys". Think about what you're saying. Because, believe me, if it carries on the way it seems to be carrying on, it won't be long before I snap entirely and no one really wants that. Right?