Don't know who I'm talking about? Well here, you poor, simple, jackass - some quotes from the man. (Reading his stuff is funny, but it's put to shame by how funny he is live)
I realize I use the word 'fuck' alot, and I'd apologize for that.. but I don't give a shit
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.
It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!
If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
Candy Corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal.
Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it werenÂ’t for my horse, I wouldnÂ’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go Â— "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
Lactose intolerant milk kiss my dick. If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk. So what's in the fucking carton? Get it out of there, get it away from my milk. It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself.