Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Don't Be Alarmed, This Is Only A Test

I know, every asshole you bump in to is talking about exactly the same fucking thing lately. No, not taxes. Swine Flu. It's the new Susan Boyle of illnesses. It doesn't even seem like it's been that long since the news hit and I'm already sick to death (pardon the pun) of hearing about it.
Don't get me wrong, people are sick and others have died. That's a whole lot of awful. But statistically tens of thousands of people die in the US of the flu every single year. That's not even the whole world. And that's definitely not including all of the other horrible ways people die every single day.
Am I saying we should all laugh in the face of Swine Flu (I'm personally picturing a pigs face with an apple in it's mouth... how odd)? No, not really. People are getting sick and you should have a healthy respect for that (no pun intended). Just like you always should. But should you freak out like it's the end of the fucking world? No! Seriously, calm the fuck down. Put down the hand sanitizer and the bleach and the disinfectant and take a fucking breather for a sec.
Honest to Bob, guys, Death is not lurking around every corner waiting to pounce on your stupid ass with his piggy germs of doom. I'm sure the guy has better things to be doing, to be frank. You'd think they'd announced the beginning of the zombie apocalypse or something. The oinkers of death are not going to come swooping in to your town like locusts or (gods forbid) like the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz. Really. I wouldn't lie to you about this.
If we can't all calm the fuck down about this, it's going to turn very quickly in to a witch hunt. Reading some of the comments on certain news sites, that is what's troubling me more than the actual news.
Now, can we please talk about something else?


May-B said...

I have a client who called immediately after the news broke. She was positive she would get it. I had to tell her that it was unlikely because you would need to have travelled out of country recently. She hasn't left her house in years.

Gwenhwyfar said...

I hear agoraphobia is caused by swine flu.

Robin said...

I am just waiting around for the zombies to attack, I heard they don't like tomatoes so I am stocking up.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Better safe than sorry, I always say.

Janna said...

I'll comment just as soon as I'm done with the hand sanitizer.

Give me a moment.

Gwenhwyfar said...

You do know that hand sanitizer is one of the leading causes of swine flu, right?