Saturday, May 22, 2010


I'm doing that thing again, aren't I? That thing where I neglect this place.
I'm sorry.
Life has been busy. You know, real life. Not that my twitter or tumblr would show that at all.
Part of it is, I've been wondering how much life the old girl has left in her. Kill the Body was my first site ever. It's been here through good times and bad. It's been my sanctuary, my confessional, my hiding place. It's been here when I needed a good rant, and we all know that's often enough.
But, as Bob Dylan says, "Times they are a-changing".
I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago (yeah, 5 years) but who of us is?
It took me a long time to come to terms with that. I'm not the same angry, hateful person any more. There are shades of that person still, but not to the same extent and to be honest, I hope it stays that way.
My interests, hobbies and loves have all found homes in other places if not in my real, everyday life (how boring, eh?).
So do I still need this place?
In a strange way, part of me does. I think I always will. I don't know that I want to give it up, throw it away or delete it forever. I don't know if I'm ready to do that with such a huge piece of my life. The last six years of my life have been the most difficult six years I hope to ever live through. There have been some horribly dark times (and some amazingly good times). This place made it possible for me to carry on and sometimes... it was a reason to carry on.
So how do I walk away? Should I even consider it? Can I commit to coming here more often and posting again.
Not the same as I used to. Those days are gone. But something. Anything.
I don't know.
I need to spend more time thinking I guess.
Feel free to chime in.
If there's anyone still out there.


Robin said...

I think if you want to leave this place for months at a time and come back you can. Or you can walk away, leave it here indefinitely. Whatever you want, it's your place.

metalmom said...

I have found my blog changing it's "voice". I am still angry on occasion but it happens less and less. I feel like I am currently 'finding myself' and learning to deal with what life throws my way and if it weren't for the blog, I don't know how I'd know that. Keep this one. You always have a sanctuary when you need it.