Someone Should Show This To Hallmark

This has got to be one of the best shirts I've seen in a long time. It's probably best not to admit it if you don't understand.

A Couple Of These And A Bottle Of Jolt, I'll Be Ready For Anything

A few days ago I stumbled across www.thinkgeek.com and have been slowly making my way through their inventory, checking it out, making a mental note of the things I like. Today I found Black Black and I'm very intrigued. Caffeinated gum and candy! This is something I've gotta try!
What would I do without wacky Japanese products?
I grow painfully bored, whither and die. That's what.

I Hope You're Happy.... Jerks

So I've decided to finally do something about the suggestions I've gotten from various people and start a sister site to Shit I Hate. So from now on, those of you living vicariously through me can now stand in awe... or read in awe Shit I love.
Enjoy.

Of Course

I would have to find this after Christmas.
Oh well, now I have my shopping done for next year. Though I'm sure by then someone will have realized the marketing gem of bottling another kind of "air" for your loved ones.

At Least Joe Camel Was Subtle

So I'm at my Aunt's house finishing off one of my Christmas presents. She has a kiln and was kind enough to fire stuff for me and let me use her paints. I'm kinda thinking that she may be regretting that.
While I was painting Spider-man I happened to glance over at the shelf against the wall (she does ceramics so her basement is full of the stuff) and this is what I see:



The first thing that runs through my head is "holy shit! Those reindeer have testicles for heads!". That is also, unfortunately, the first thing to come out of my mouth.
My Aunt tells me I'm sick and that no one has ever said that before, so I show them to G. He agrees with me and points out that not only do they have sack heads, the sack heads appear to be wrinkled. He then names them the Sackalope and starts drawing them.
We laughed for like 20 minutes and my Aunt still thinks I'm a sicko, but I ask you - Are those not the most testicle like heads you've ever seen?

Goddamnit

It isn't even over yet and this is already the worst Christmas ever. I'm sure the Universe must think this is really funny, but seriously, I give. Can we call a truce or something. I don't want to play any more.

From Me To You 17

Man, it's been ages since I've done one of these.

- I know it seems like a good idea, but trust me, making the most paranoid, insane worry wart the OH&S rep is a bad idea. A really bad idea.

- When someone tells you they don't like Christmas, that's not the cue to play 50 questions to discover the reasons behind it.

- When someone tells you they don't like Christmas, don't then start trying to convert them/annoy them by constantly talking about how great christmas is and singing christmas songs. That is the best way to get your ass kicked by a grinch.

- If you're watching a nerdy type program, let's say Babylon 5, and then get excited because one of the guest stars is someone so obscure you have to explain who he is to everyone in the room, let's say Paul Williams, you are a nerd. A really big nerd.

- If you're watching Gargoyles and you can pick out 2 or more cast members who are also Star Trek: TNG cast members and Bill Fagerbakke, you are also a nerd. Especially if you know who Bill Fagerbakke is.

- If you can pick out Frank Welker based only on his animal noises, you have entirely too much time on your hands. This is even worse if you can pick out Maurice LaMarche based only on his belching.

- Pinched nerves suck. A lot. Try to avoid them.

- When a three year old points something out in that horribly blunt kind of way, it's cute. When anyone else does it, not so much.

Damn It!

I haven't been sleeping well the last few days. For whatever reason I kept waking up obscenely early. Today is my day off and for the first time in about a week and a half I was actually sleeping pretty well (by my standards anyway). So, of course, the Gods decided run their entire heard of etherial cattle over my house so they could all shit on me.
At 8.15am, which for some of you I know isn't early (but for those like me who couldn't get to sleep until around 2.30am it bloody well is), I was woken by the sound of someone pounding on my door. And I should clarify here that where I live, at this time of year, 8.15 is still fucking dark outside, so when someone wakes you up it's even more jarring.
I stumble blindly, half asleep to the door. It's nearly pitch black in the house and in my sleepy stupor I neglect to put on my glasses (not that in the dark they would have done a lot of good), but I get to the door without running into anything. It being early and me not expecting anyone, I peek through the curtain to see who the fuck it is.
There stands a man in black, hooded and all, face completely hidden in the shadow of his hood. At that point I was hoping it was Death and he had the other three horsemen down the street or something. I figure, well I can't keep Death waiting, though I was curious as to why he bothered knocking and didn't just come in. When I open the door however, I find not Death (nor War, Pestilence or Famine), but a jackass in a hoodie wearing a neon vest like a good little city worker. He's asking me to move my car. Now. Because they're starting work on the street.
This is not what I want to hear.
I can't believe that they didn't know that they were coming to do work today. And if they did know then is it so beyond the city to let people know? So maybe we wouldn't all park on the street? So we wouldn't all have some asshat waking us up so we can all tromp out in the snow?
The city has also been so kind as to neglect my street (along with countless others) when clearing the streets. The whole length of the street is covered in loose snow that you're more than likely to get stuck it and the alley is even worse. And it's snowing, again. All of this makes the relatively simple task of moving one's car into a nightmare. Especially since I'm half asleep and my car is, much like the steet, covered in snow.
It ended up taking me nearly fifteen minutes to move my car.
Now I'm cold, grumpy and wide awake.
I have a feeling that it's going to be one of those days.
Stupid everything.

I Say Why Not?

Every now and then I form irrational obsessions with things. It doesn't really matter what it is, in fact it's more often than not with random things I stumble across and for no better reason than that it made me laugh. The egg cuber is one of those things.
I happened to read a blog entry about them yesterday and now I need one. I don't know why, but I do. Though I'm not limiting myself to square eggs, oh no, I want any type of egg mold.
As I understand it, they're popular in Japan. People like to have interestingly shaped eggs in their bento boxes. So at least I'm not the only weirdo who thinks molded eggs are great.
But where the hell am I going to find one around here? I might just have to break down and order one off the internet.
Yes, I am very aware that there is something seriously wrong with me, but at least it's entertaining.

Peter Boyle (1935 - 2006)

Peter Boyle passed away last night at the age of 71.
As much as I don't like "Everybody loves Raymond", I've always been a fan of Peter Boyle. "Young Frankenstein" is one of only a handful of movies that I can watch time and time again and it always makes me laugh. Watching him and Gene Wilder singing Putin' on the Ritz makes me laugh until I cry.

Kanye West Isn't Just An Egomaniac

He's also unoriginal. And Evil Knievel is going to sue his ass for using his image in the "touch the sky" video. Funny how people get pissy when you use their shit without asking first and unfortunately for Kanye that means a lawsuit.
I wish I could say I feel sorry for him, but Kanye has been pissing me off for a while. This asshole just loves himself WAY too much. It's a shame we all could sue him for being subjected to his ego when he stormed the stage at the music videos awards.

Shhhhhhh!

They're putting new floor in at work (in case you're not aware, I work in a library). I'm just wondering if they're going to add anything else to make it even louder in here. The lino they picked to replace the carpet is textured, so the trolleys we use to move shit around on now make more noise than I thought possible.
I think we should add some jingle bells and a couple of sirens for good measure. The we could swap the trollys for old school kiddy waggons with the ear splittingly loud plastic wheels. Some people are still able to think over the noise.
Let me tell you folks, the libraries of the movies where everything is quiet and orderly with librarians shushing everyone are just a myth. If you're going to a real library you might want to invest in some ear plugs.

The Truthiness, The Whole Truthiness And Nothing But The Truthiness

I was excited to see that Stephen Colbert (who aside from being pretty damned hot is one hell of a fake news reporter) was honored this week with the naming of his word "Truthiness" as word of the year. A finer word they could not have picked.

Sunday Morning Wonderings

I was sitting around this morning wondering how Chris is doing in Japan. He's been incommunicado for the last little while, as he has no internet and one would have to assume he's been busy with work and settling in. Somehow, my curiosity concerning his well-being turned in to this...









Hope you're having fun in the land of the rising sun.

I'd Be Screaming Too

It's usually around this time of year I start getting hassled for being a grinch. Sorry folks, I'm just not in to Christmas. Thankfully it seems as though I'm not the only one. These kids seem even more unimpressed with it than I am.

Straight Flush, Bitches!

I finally got to see the new James Bond last night and despite my concerns that it wouldn't live up to the hype, I have to admit they were unfounded. The movie was excellent, not only did it live up to any expectations I had, but completely surpassed them.
It was just a good movie over all, leaving me struggling to find any weaknesses and completely at a loss for things to complain about. That's the first time I can remember that happening in ages.
Daniel Craig was really brilliant as Bond, though I have to admit, a lot of my skepticism revolved around him. I had sided with the purists when I saw that they had cast a blue eyed, blond Bond - but by the time the credits rolled the blue eyes won me over... or maybe it was the smile... or the abs.... I don't know, but it was good.
Mads Mikkelsen was absolutely fabulous as le Chiffre. He pulled of that cold-hearted, calculating and eerie calm that make a bad guy something special. And though it had nothing to do with his actual performance, the cloudy eye they gave him was excellently done.
My only real complaint was that I had been told there was a shot of Bond's junk in there somewhere. Believe me, I watched closely and that was one very junk free movie. How disappointing.
Seriously though, if you haven't seen it already... do so now. Right now. Stop reading this and go to the closest theater.

Three Decades And Some Things Never Change

It was Jay's birthday (of Jason's incredibly lame blog fame) the other day, so we went out to celebrate tonight. A good time was had by all and much was drunk especially by the birthday dude. Aside from having to go out in the shitty weather, it was an awesome night.
Highlights from this evening include, but of course not limited to:

- Jason dodging the "two mead maximum" by getting others to order mead for themselves and then leaving them within reach of him.

- Boo scarring all the new people by... well... being Boo.

- Reid scarring all the new people by regaling us with his many shit stories.

- Bad drunken joke telling by Holly.

- Blackberry Mead Cheesecake.

- A fight outside the bar, not involving Jason or anyone from the party. (So Jason managed to keep his word by not giving Reid a bloody nose this year.)

- Jason falling on his ass in the snow.

So, Happy Birthday Dude. Hope it was a good one.

Holy Melamine!

I'm a big fan of kitsch, especially when it has that 50's flare. I don't know why, I just do. I also have a serious weakness for dishes, don't ask me to explain, I can't. All I know is that more than one person has threatened me with physical violence if I bring home any more dishes and it still hasn't stopped me. So Pop Ink is probably a bad place for me to be poking around.
I really need to set aside some money and order a set of plates, or two... or three...