Reservoir Dogs Take Manhattan

This is one of my favourite mash-ups ever. Ever.

The Lazy Thief

Yeah, I totally stole this from Robin.

1. Most hated food. Capers, hands down. I hate them so much they actually make me angry. I would gladly eat a whole jar of olives rather than one single caper.

2. Most hated person. I don't think I can pick one. There are several people currently fighting for the #1 spot.

3. Most hated job. The 12 odd hours I was employed by Wal-Mart. Worst. Job. Ever. Sam Walton and his entire family can eat shit in hell.

4. Most hated city. Probably Winnipeg.  

5. Most hated band. There are a couple. Hootie and the Blowfish, Limp Bizkit, Britney Spears, Pussycat Dolls, Spice Girls.... actually, come to think of it, there are a lot.

6. Most hated web site. I believe the KKK are still maintaining a website which would win that title without much competition.

7. Most hated TV program. Just about anything that spews forth from the cesspool that has become MTV. "My Super Sweet 16", for example, makes me want to hurt people. 

8. Most hated British politician. Tony Blair just for being Bush's lapdog.

9. Most hated artist. I have hated art styles and there are plenty of artist that fall in to each. "Performance Art" makes me violent, "Splatter Painting" too... there are more.

10. Most hated book. That I've read? Murder at Hotel Cinema. What a godawful, horrible, shitty book it is. Don't read it. Ever. Trust me.

11. Most hated shop. Walmart. 

12. Most hated organization. There are a few. The church, unions and a few others top the list.

13. Most hated historical event. There are lots and lots and lots. The first one that comes to mind is the burning of the library in Alexandria. Destruction of knowledge and literature hurts my soul.

14. Most hated sport. Cricket. Not only is it boring as fuck but I've no idea how to play it.

15. Most hated piece of technology. The technology developed expressly for warfare. 

16. Most hated annual event. Christmas.

17. Most hated daily task. Getting up and read for work.

18. Most hated comedian. Either Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia, it's a toss up on that one.

The Things I Do For You

Yesterday I had to stop for some groceries after work. This was a bad idea for several reasons, the two biggest of which being the "after work shopper" crowd that makes me want to kill and the fact that I tend to be hungry after work. 

Regardless, it had to be done.

While I was shopping I noticed a display of new and/or cheap stuff. This sort of thing goes completely unnoticed or ignored for the most part, but I was hungry and I needed something to distract me from having to kill everyone in the store just for being so fucking stupid and irritating. It was a display of italian soda or at least PCs version of italian soda. Two different kinds.

Blood orange (which I love anyway, bet you couldn't have guessed) and Coffee.

Hmm... coffee soda. Weird. 

You know I bought some, right?

Well now I'm going to try it. I have a feeling it's either going to be really good or incredibly, mind explodingly, tongue destroyingly bad. 

You're hoping for the latter aren't you, you jerk?

Here goes...

Well... it smells like coffee. Kinda. In that "instant coffee" kind of way.

*sip*

I... umm.... 

*sip*

yeah... That's... weird. It's like cold, sweet, black, fizzy coffee. At least one of those words doesn't belong in there. I think it's the "fizzy". My mouth is having trouble with this one, to be honest. Because the taste is telling my brain "hey, it's sort of coffee!" and then my tongue is all "wait a fucking second here. It's fizzy. Something is wrong. Very wrong."
I'm kind of thinking it might not be so bad as a float. At least then it would kind of be like an ice coffee... a fizzy ice coffee. Made with shitty coffee. Hey, maybe the ice cream would kill the taste of this. But why waste good ice cream? And why the fuck wouldn't I just drink an ice coffee? Made with good coffee instead of this "instant" taste, which is really throwing the whole thing off.
The funny thing is, it says "made with real coffee extract" while it tastes like they extracted it from the sludge that's been sitting on the burner in the office coffee pot since 9am. You know what I'm talking about, that last cup no one wants and everyone is too chicken shit to just dump. If you took that and made a soda out of it, it would be this. If that coffee happened to not actually be coffee but instead it was that bargain bin instant coffee. 
Really, I wouldn't buy this again. It's kind of bad. 
And by kind of, I mean really.
I've had the japanese canned coffee they sell as well and that stuff is actually pretty fucking awesome. Ice cold, it's one of my favourites. And it's not fizzy. It's also about the same price. Added bonus - It doesn't taste like a coffee bean just shit in my mouth.
Fuck you, PC italian coffee soda. You make my taste buds sad and that is a crime I cannot forgive. Go back to the hell from which you came!

On the up side, the blood orange one is wicked.

It's That Time Again!

It's Sunday, folks! Time for Too Much Pressure! I know you're excited after a full week of radio showlessness. But it's okay, we're here to make everything better.

I have no idea what we're going to talk about today, but tune in because it's probably going to be made of awesome. Hell, we may even cure cancer. You never know, it could happen. So make sure to listen so you can say that you were there, listening, when we changed the world forever*.

*world changing not guaranteed.

Oh, Fuck Off

So now that I've found out that my job will likely not be continuing past the end of July, knowing that I have to move at the end of July, having my car start falling in to pieces, being incredibly sick, watching my hopes and dreams for the future slip out of my grasp and in to the flaming pits in the deepest, darkest bowels of hell, it's fair to say the last few months have been shit. Mostly full of panic attacks, sleepless nights, not a lot of eating and general grumpiness.

I keep hoping that it will get better, but apparently it's just a whole lot of fun to kick me when I'm down. This week is just another good example.

Monday was payday. Tuesday I was denied a purchase of under $13. 

Hmmm... something's wrong.

Wednesday I called the library to ask where my money is. They tell me I didn't get paid because they didn't get a time card. Which is odd as my supervisor hands those in. They tell me they emailed me, I tell them the library has repeatedly denied my request for a work computer and I work two nights a week. I don't get emails.

I ask if I hand in a time card now, will I get paid?

Yes.

On the next payday.

In two weeks.

Fuck me.

So I ditch my friends, drive all the way downtown, fill out a time card, get yelled at by the payroll chick, treated like shit and told that I'm just SOL. All of which, I'm sure, will come back to bite me in the ass. 

Oh and I'm still FUCKING BROKE.

So I call my mom, who decides to start a fight with me on the phone after I tell her about all of this. Good timing.

I hang up on her and, using my very best judgement (that only comes with insane levels of frustration mixed with an explosive temper), I start punching things. Mostly my steering wheel.

My last punch lands off and I catch my last knuckle. Which pops. 

It's still bruised and sore. I'm not completely sure I didn't break something.

Yes, this is how I deal with my anger. I can punch things or I can punch you. Deal with it.

Between Thursday and Friday the noise my car is making has gotten a whole fuck of a lot worse. I'm not convinced that my muffler is fucked. Which is just perfect as, you may have forgotten, I'M FUCKING BROKE BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET PAID!

And then today... Today I went for breakfast at my parents. I spent an hour there and left because my mother worked me in to a panic attack that consumed most of my day. She did call later tho... to ask what we're doing for father's day tomorrow. You know, because at that moment, that was all I was thinking about.

She did manage to work and "are you okay?" in at the end.

No, no I'm not. No you can't help. Please go away.

Then I came in to work. For some reason, the theatre coordinator thought it would be a really good idea to put two obscenely long movies on back to back, so I work until 11.30pm. When I go to do cash out, the numbers look a little odd but I don't think much of it.

When I pull the takings and count the float, I'm out.

$150.

That's. Not. Possible.

Seems the cashier last night fucked up and threw the numbers out. So I'm stuck with a fucking mess. Which is perfect after I just had a fight with payroll about my money and that looks bad. Really. Fucking. Bad.

Man, I love having a breakdown at work. Really. Too much fun.

So I don't know about you guys, but me? I'm fucking finished. I don't want to play any more. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm not even in the fucking mood to kid about it. 

So any bullshit you may have had for me, you can shove right up your ass. 

Anyone Wondering...

If you're stuck for gift ideas next "give Gwen a present" time, you can find exactly what I want right here. 

Just sayin'.

Happy Captain Picard Day!

That's right, kiddies! It's everyone's favourite holiday. Captain Picard Day. Now let's all gather 'round the YouTubes and watch the traditional Captain Picard Day video.
PS - I love Riker and that Captain Picard doll. Makes me laugh every time.

Made of WIN

In case you missed our show last night (you should go listen to it now if you did), you should be aware you missed one hour of pure awesome. Robin and I had our very first Too Much Pressure constest - The Slang Off. 

Robin and I both came up with ten American and Canadian slang words respectively and then had to guess what their meanings were. You'll all be happy to hear that I came out victorious with a whopping 2 1/2 points. Although I am sad to say that, other than guessing the subculture it came from, neither of us were able to guess what our stand by tie-breaker word meant. 

Paul was awesome as our friendly neighbourhood score keeper and laugh track. Thanks again for helping out and forgiving me for having to stop our hanging out for an hour to do the radio thing. 

Oh yeah, that's right - I went to spend the day out of town visiting friends and at 4pm was all like, "I'm going to sit on my laptop in your kitchen and ignore you while I talk on the radio. Okay?" I'm just cool like that.

Honestly, as much as I know I'm biased, I think it really was our best show yet. Admittedly there isn't much to compare it to, but at least we didn't have any major technical difficulties and we didn't run completely over again. So, you know, bonus.

Thanks to everyone who listened. Check us out again next week. Same bat time, same bat channel.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Okay, that's a lie. Unless you log in so we can see you name.

Anyway, it's Sunday and time for Too Much Pressure. Go listen. Just do it. You know you want to. This week we're even having a slang off. So come listen to us make asses of ourselves. It'll be fun.

Damnit! Now I Need An iPhone!

Apparently there's a new app For the iPhone that turns it in to an old style communicator. That, my friends, is made of WIN.

Is it wrong that I would get an iPhone just so I could have this app?

Happy Birthday, Hugh!

A very happy birthday, handsome. Hope it's especially lovely, wonderful and all kinds of awesome!

XOX

-Gwenhwyfar

It's Not A Solution

But it would keep me from seeing a lot of shit I'd rather not know about...

Toccata And Fugue In D Minor

I think I love this video so much because it perfectly combines some of the very split parts of my personality. The way too grown up part that loves classical music, the cinephile part that loves old horror movies and the incredibly immature childish part that thinks that those giant keyboards are way too much fun and that loves any time spent in a toy store goofing off.
I. Am. A. Freak.

I Hope You've Learned Your Lesson

But You Hear It Already, Right?

Last night was the second installment of Too Much Pressure. We had a blast and had considerably less technical difficulties. I think we also managed to cover more topics than any two people should ever cover in an hour.

Next week it sounds like we'll be having a "Slang Off". Robin will be coming up with a list of American slang and I'm coming up with a list of Canadian slang and we're going to have to try and guess what they mean. I'm going to give my word to not cheat but I'm still confident that I'm going to walk away victorious. We haven't discussed what the stakes of this little competition are, but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

So if you want to hear the results, tune in next week. And please, feel free to join in the chat room or call in. 

More Radio Nonsense

Tomorrow is Sunday. You know what that means, right? 

No, it's not time to get ready for church. *sigh*

It's time for more Too Much Pressure. I know you're really excited. That's good. Just take it down a notch. I don't want you making a mess on the floor. 

But you can tune in and I know I told you Talkshoe last week, we've made the decision to move over to BlogTalkRadio. Mostly because Talkshoe doesn't let you upload music or sounds or anything which is a ton of lame. Also, you have to be a member to listen to songs, which is kinda dumb. 

Anyway, in the interest of confusing you as little as possible, just go here. That's Sunday at 6pm EST or if you're here in Sask. that's 4pm. Everyone else is going to have to work out that time for themselves.

I'm Captain Kirk!

This is just for Paul and Jennee. No one yells like Kirk yells. It's just not possible for us mortals.

I Fought The Urge And The Urge Won

Since the whole Twilight thing became such a world wide plague and every other blog post in the entire blogosphere has either been a pro or anti Twilight post, I've been trying to avoid the subject completely. Mostly because, like so many other things I find remarkably stupid, I was hoping that maybe it was just a fad that would be gone before the end of the week.

Unfortunately I was wrong.

Apparently Stephanie Meyer has some kind of terrifying hypnotic power that has convinced scored of people that her books are complete drivel. That sparkly vampires are cool. That "vegetarian vampires" isn't the stupidest phrase ever uttered by a human being. I'm not sure how she does it but I think we should all be afraid.

But to be honest, this isn't really a rant about Twilight. They've been done to death and let's just say that I'll add my voice to the chorus of people who are booing it. This is a rant about another beast. 

Robert Pattison.

Can someone please explain to me what, exactly, all these girls are swooning about? PLEASE!? Because all I see when I look at him is a fugly, pale, effeminate, manorexic, heroin chic, douche bag. Even as far as his "acting" goes, from what I've seen of the movie he comes across as little more than a vapid, emo, airhead.

When did that become sexy? 

I don't get it.

How did we go from Brad Pitt to Robert Fucking Pattison?

I shouldn't be completely surprised, I had the exact same thought about Orlando "look at my amazing inability to grow facial hair" Bloom. Fugly, effeminate, douche.

Honestly, it's not even that I care that everyone seems to be in love with the freaks. It means more Hugh Jackman for me. Keep your girly men. If I want one for myself, I'll take David Bowie. He may be effeminate, but he's the original hot-fem. 

What gripes me is that when the world goes nuts for a couple of these freaks, Hollywood does it's damnedest to find EVEN MORE of them. They start producing more "Twilight-esque" movies, bring out the Robert Pattison 2.0 (who is already just Orlando Bloom 4.1) and suddenly a cultural phenomenon I found vaguely annoying starts seeping in to things I enjoy. 

So now I'm begging you, please, take a really good look at these "hot guys". Think about what you're saying. Because, believe me, if it carries on the way it seems to be carrying on, it won't be long before I snap entirely and no one really wants that. Right?

Now In Audio!

So I probably should have posted this a while ago and I'd feel worse but Robin only posted about it today too.

For anyone not aware (and I'm assuming that most people), Robin and I have decided to start up our own radio show. For now we're over on Talkshoe, tho whether we'll stay there or not isn't certain (if we do switch to something else, I'll be sure to let you know). I know how excited you'll all be to listen to us babble on about nonsense once a week.

You can find us Sunday at 6.30pm EST and if you happen to be in Sask. like me, that'll be 4.30pm. If you happen to be anywhere else... well, figure it out. I'll be damned if I know what time it is there.

And for anyone interested, here's our very first episode. We hit some glitches right off the top, but after about 5 mins, it gets better. Honest.