Like that little play on words? No? Well fuck you. It's three in the fucking morning. I'm tired. Leave me alone.
Anyway, now that you guys totally fucked me up with your negativity I guess I'll just skip anything else I was going to say and get to it. I've added Avitable's blog. Why? Because he's taken the time to comment on the stupid crap I write and because every now and then his blog makes me laugh. Further proof that I'm a terrible person.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
100 Things About Me
I'm stealing ideas from Mr. Fab today because I'm too damned lazy to come up with my own. (That and reading his list made me curious to see if I could come up withh 100 things about myself.)
1. I'm a girl.
2. I'm Canadian.
3. I have two cats, they're both boys. Names - Ozzy and Dorian (bet you can't guess what colour he is).
4. I've been to film school for Make-up design for film and television.
5. I finished film school at the top of my class (graduate with honors) which is the best I've ever done at anything.
6. I'm allergic to perfume, aspartame and bananas.
7. I have kidney disease.
8. I'm terrible at spelling and I worry about it whenever I write anything.
9. I've seen every episode of Star Trek TNG, in order.
10. I love Babylon 5, but only seasons 1 - 4.
11. I love old movies (TCM is my favourite channel).
12. My taste in men is a bit odd and I like older men.
13. Thirteen is my favourite number.
14. I've been in five car accidents, three were my fault, one totalled my car.
15. I own two large coffins, both were made by family members and were given to me at christmas (one was carried by family members down a main street by the pallbearer handles on christmas morning) and about 7 small coffins. All but one were given to me as christmas presents.
16. I would like to have more coffins, lots more.
17. I own all of the Marx brothers movies.
18. I taught myself to knit and knit often.
19. I taught myself to make chain mail.
20. I watch at least one movie every day, I don't know why.
21. I love my couch more than I love most people.
22. I've been a vegetarian since 1997.
23. I smoke when I'm stressed.
24. I hate wearing socks and only wear them when I have to.
25. Only a handful of people can claim to ever have seen me in a dress.
26. I've read all but the very last book in the Vampire Chronicles series.
27. I never write in cursive, I can, I just don't.
28. I only need three more badges to get my life guard's certificate. I will probably never do that.
29. I have broken four of my fingers and set them all myself. I never did bother going to the hospital.
30. I've broken four of my toes, three all at once, the other by itself. Breaking toes sucks more than breaking fingers.
31. I broke my foot falling down the stairs while carrying a microwave. I still went to work the next day and walked around on it.
32. I broke my wrist a number of years ago and broke out in chicken pox the day after. This was in the first week of summer vacation. (worst summer ever)
33. I have more scars than I can count, most of them I don't remember getting. The larger ones all have stories, all of them involve me doing something stupid.
34. I share a birthday with JFK, Danny Elfman, Bob Hope and Melissa Etheridge.
35. I've seen every episode of M*A*S*H*, in order.
36. I had to clear out an entire cupboard just to make room for my coffee mugs. (I have a problem, leave me alone.)
37. I wear size 10 shoes. I have big feet. Leave me alone.
38. I am a life long insomniac.
39. I never have good dreams, they're always terrible and they usually wake me up.
40. I read comics and I own more than ten graphic novels.
41. I love Hellboy and B.P.R.D. (Mike Mignola is fucking amazing.)
42. I've never been to Disneyland and have no desire to go.
43. When I was really little my hair was blond, it has gotten darker over the years and is now dark red/auburn.
44. For a number of years I died my hair frequently and had forgotten what colour my hair actually was. It has been Fire engine red (which made me look like Scully according to my friends), blue, purple and black. The black lasted for three years.
45. My hair used to hang down almost to my knees, I cut it off out of spite.
46. I've been growing my hair out again, mostly out of laziness/cheapness.
47. Back hair grosses me out.
48. Accents, especially british accents, turn me on.
49. I've seen every episode of Are You Being Served? (including the movie, the very bad, completely awful movie).
50. I read, a lot. And I read really fast.
51. I've read about half of the James Bond novels (the ones Ian Fleming wrote anyway), they're really bad but I love them anyway.
52. I have an affinity for 50s kitsch and esthetic.
53. I love Columbo and Quincy M.E. enough that I bought them on DVD.
54. I dislike children.
55. I'm a gemini. That is my reason for being insane.
56. I have a terrible temper.
57. I hold grudges.
58. I'm fairly certain I have ADD.
59. I only ever drink bottled water (like from a water cooler), I blame that on the shitty tap water in Regina.
60. I'm a total sucker for animals.
61. My biggest goal in life is to have the money to afford my own horse.
62. I never watch the news and I can't remember the last time I read a paper.
63. Black really is my favourite colour.
64. I have a septum piercing.
65. I have plans for several tattoos. I have one so far. (In hebrew it says "this too shall pass" around my right middle finger)
66. I was born in the year of the rat.
67. I own enough cookbooks that I had to build a special shelf just for them.
68. I love to bake.
69. I own three sewing machines.
70. I can use most power tool competently.
71. The sound of the vacuum will drive me out of the house.
72. I have excellent hearing.
73. I shower, baths gross me out.
74. When I die I would like to be cremated on a funeral pyre. Seriously old school.
75. I'm most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.
76. I've won two public speaking competitions.
77. I've only voted twice in my life. Both times because I was guilted in to it.
78. I've been told many times that I am intimidating. I think that's hilarious.
79. I love penut butter and pickle sandwiches.
80. I love pickled herring, sauerkraut and smoked eel. I blame this on my german side.
81. I could eat sushi every day and be happy.
82. I love every kind of ethnic food I've tried so far.
83. I am a horrible food snob.
84. I like to debate but I was never on the debate club at school.
85. I was in the chess club.
86. I'm a Mac owner and I don't care what you say, my Mac could kick your PCs ass any day.
87. My taste in music is eclectic.
88. I own a record player and many records. (highlights of my collection - The Beatles White Album and An Evening With Groucho)
89. Excluding weddings and funerals I've only been to church 5 times in my life. All five times sucked.
90. I'm not religious but I am very spiritual.
91. Penn Jillette is one of my all time favourite people.
92. I watch way too many cartoons.
93. I can pick out my favourite voice actors. (Yeah, I have favourite voice actors.)
94. I'm not a morning person and so help you god if you wake me up.
95. I never nap.
96. I can't sleep on my back. I don't know why.
97. I draw, paint, air brush and sculpt but I don't carve.
98. I am really picky about pens. I don't know why. Some just bother me a lot.
99. Gambling has never made sense to me, although I do buy a lotto ticket every once and a while.
100. I am completely neurotic.
1. I'm a girl.
2. I'm Canadian.
3. I have two cats, they're both boys. Names - Ozzy and Dorian (bet you can't guess what colour he is).
4. I've been to film school for Make-up design for film and television.
5. I finished film school at the top of my class (graduate with honors) which is the best I've ever done at anything.
6. I'm allergic to perfume, aspartame and bananas.
7. I have kidney disease.
8. I'm terrible at spelling and I worry about it whenever I write anything.
9. I've seen every episode of Star Trek TNG, in order.
10. I love Babylon 5, but only seasons 1 - 4.
11. I love old movies (TCM is my favourite channel).
12. My taste in men is a bit odd and I like older men.
13. Thirteen is my favourite number.
14. I've been in five car accidents, three were my fault, one totalled my car.
15. I own two large coffins, both were made by family members and were given to me at christmas (one was carried by family members down a main street by the pallbearer handles on christmas morning) and about 7 small coffins. All but one were given to me as christmas presents.
16. I would like to have more coffins, lots more.
17. I own all of the Marx brothers movies.
18. I taught myself to knit and knit often.
19. I taught myself to make chain mail.
20. I watch at least one movie every day, I don't know why.
21. I love my couch more than I love most people.
22. I've been a vegetarian since 1997.
23. I smoke when I'm stressed.
24. I hate wearing socks and only wear them when I have to.
25. Only a handful of people can claim to ever have seen me in a dress.
26. I've read all but the very last book in the Vampire Chronicles series.
27. I never write in cursive, I can, I just don't.
28. I only need three more badges to get my life guard's certificate. I will probably never do that.
29. I have broken four of my fingers and set them all myself. I never did bother going to the hospital.
30. I've broken four of my toes, three all at once, the other by itself. Breaking toes sucks more than breaking fingers.
31. I broke my foot falling down the stairs while carrying a microwave. I still went to work the next day and walked around on it.
32. I broke my wrist a number of years ago and broke out in chicken pox the day after. This was in the first week of summer vacation. (worst summer ever)
33. I have more scars than I can count, most of them I don't remember getting. The larger ones all have stories, all of them involve me doing something stupid.
34. I share a birthday with JFK, Danny Elfman, Bob Hope and Melissa Etheridge.
35. I've seen every episode of M*A*S*H*, in order.
36. I had to clear out an entire cupboard just to make room for my coffee mugs. (I have a problem, leave me alone.)
37. I wear size 10 shoes. I have big feet. Leave me alone.
38. I am a life long insomniac.
39. I never have good dreams, they're always terrible and they usually wake me up.
40. I read comics and I own more than ten graphic novels.
41. I love Hellboy and B.P.R.D. (Mike Mignola is fucking amazing.)
42. I've never been to Disneyland and have no desire to go.
43. When I was really little my hair was blond, it has gotten darker over the years and is now dark red/auburn.
44. For a number of years I died my hair frequently and had forgotten what colour my hair actually was. It has been Fire engine red (which made me look like Scully according to my friends), blue, purple and black. The black lasted for three years.
45. My hair used to hang down almost to my knees, I cut it off out of spite.
46. I've been growing my hair out again, mostly out of laziness/cheapness.
47. Back hair grosses me out.
48. Accents, especially british accents, turn me on.
49. I've seen every episode of Are You Being Served? (including the movie, the very bad, completely awful movie).
50. I read, a lot. And I read really fast.
51. I've read about half of the James Bond novels (the ones Ian Fleming wrote anyway), they're really bad but I love them anyway.
52. I have an affinity for 50s kitsch and esthetic.
53. I love Columbo and Quincy M.E. enough that I bought them on DVD.
54. I dislike children.
55. I'm a gemini. That is my reason for being insane.
56. I have a terrible temper.
57. I hold grudges.
58. I'm fairly certain I have ADD.
59. I only ever drink bottled water (like from a water cooler), I blame that on the shitty tap water in Regina.
60. I'm a total sucker for animals.
61. My biggest goal in life is to have the money to afford my own horse.
62. I never watch the news and I can't remember the last time I read a paper.
63. Black really is my favourite colour.
64. I have a septum piercing.
65. I have plans for several tattoos. I have one so far. (In hebrew it says "this too shall pass" around my right middle finger)
66. I was born in the year of the rat.
67. I own enough cookbooks that I had to build a special shelf just for them.
68. I love to bake.
69. I own three sewing machines.
70. I can use most power tool competently.
71. The sound of the vacuum will drive me out of the house.
72. I have excellent hearing.
73. I shower, baths gross me out.
74. When I die I would like to be cremated on a funeral pyre. Seriously old school.
75. I'm most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.
76. I've won two public speaking competitions.
77. I've only voted twice in my life. Both times because I was guilted in to it.
78. I've been told many times that I am intimidating. I think that's hilarious.
79. I love penut butter and pickle sandwiches.
80. I love pickled herring, sauerkraut and smoked eel. I blame this on my german side.
81. I could eat sushi every day and be happy.
82. I love every kind of ethnic food I've tried so far.
83. I am a horrible food snob.
84. I like to debate but I was never on the debate club at school.
85. I was in the chess club.
86. I'm a Mac owner and I don't care what you say, my Mac could kick your PCs ass any day.
87. My taste in music is eclectic.
88. I own a record player and many records. (highlights of my collection - The Beatles White Album and An Evening With Groucho)
89. Excluding weddings and funerals I've only been to church 5 times in my life. All five times sucked.
90. I'm not religious but I am very spiritual.
91. Penn Jillette is one of my all time favourite people.
92. I watch way too many cartoons.
93. I can pick out my favourite voice actors. (Yeah, I have favourite voice actors.)
94. I'm not a morning person and so help you god if you wake me up.
95. I never nap.
96. I can't sleep on my back. I don't know why.
97. I draw, paint, air brush and sculpt but I don't carve.
98. I am really picky about pens. I don't know why. Some just bother me a lot.
99. Gambling has never made sense to me, although I do buy a lotto ticket every once and a while.
100. I am completely neurotic.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
To All The People Who Contributed To My Day
I want to say thank you. Thank you for firmly cementing the belief that you are all a bunch of irretrievable idiots and assholes. From the guy who ran out in to traffic (because despite all the snow and ice I should be able to stop on a dime for his stupid ass) and the guy who saw me coming, crossed against the lights and took his fucking time to the fuckwad who parked a whole six inches from my driver door and the shit for brains who let the elevator doors close in my face.
I'm not even going to toy with the idea of letting the snow be an excuse for some of the fuck-wittery I have watched in the last few days. I'm just going to assume that everyone has lost their goddamned minds and that common courtesy is dead.
I'm not even going to toy with the idea of letting the snow be an excuse for some of the fuck-wittery I have watched in the last few days. I'm just going to assume that everyone has lost their goddamned minds and that common courtesy is dead.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Personal Update: The Last Three Days
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Yawn* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkiller induced sleep* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *Wake up* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Etc.
By the way, too many painkillers make you feel very odd. Not a good kind of odd either. Just a heads up.
By the way, too many painkillers make you feel very odd. Not a good kind of odd either. Just a heads up.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Dear Bitch,
How's it going? Good? That's nice. Me? Oh, I could be better. You see I was standing behind your friend in line at the coffee shop earlier. As were a lot of other people. That's right, that group of people stretching from the counter to the door, it was a line.
That's typically how this kind of situation works. People come in and wait to be served in the order they arrived. You start at the back of the line and work your way to the front. Just like everyone else.
Do you see the step you skipped? The waiting part? You know, like when you came in, brushed passed everyone else in line and headed right for the spot near the front, with your friend. And I'd love to believe that you are completely ignorant of this process, but your friend was as fidgety as a speed freak which is a pretty good indication that she knew what she was doing. Innocent people don't get like that. (That and she didn't order anything, you did. Which was really cute by the way.)
You're tall and thin and blond and pretty, I know. You're used to getting what you want and judging from you attire, paying too much for it. But somehow that still doesn't make you any more important than me or anyone else.
The next time you pull that kind of inconsiderate, school yard bullshit I'm going to snap you in half like a twig. Okay?
Thanks in advance for your consideration.
Always nice chatting with you.
-Gwen
That's typically how this kind of situation works. People come in and wait to be served in the order they arrived. You start at the back of the line and work your way to the front. Just like everyone else.
Do you see the step you skipped? The waiting part? You know, like when you came in, brushed passed everyone else in line and headed right for the spot near the front, with your friend. And I'd love to believe that you are completely ignorant of this process, but your friend was as fidgety as a speed freak which is a pretty good indication that she knew what she was doing. Innocent people don't get like that. (That and she didn't order anything, you did. Which was really cute by the way.)
You're tall and thin and blond and pretty, I know. You're used to getting what you want and judging from you attire, paying too much for it. But somehow that still doesn't make you any more important than me or anyone else.
The next time you pull that kind of inconsiderate, school yard bullshit I'm going to snap you in half like a twig. Okay?
Thanks in advance for your consideration.
Always nice chatting with you.
-Gwen
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
From Me To You 21
- Christmas, in case you've forgotten, falls around the end of December. Setting up your tree before mid-December and taking down later than January makes you an asshole. Especially if you're one of those idiots who's putting up their christmas lights before Halloween and taking them down in May.
- I shouldn't be forced to listen to Christmas carols in every god damned store I go into from Nov. 15th until Jan. 15th. It's annoying the shit out of me, I know it's annoying the shit out of other people and I have to wonder how the employees make it though without killing any one.
- Not everyone celebrates Christmas. I just thought I'd point that out as people seem to have forgotten that not everyone in the whole fucking world is Christian.
- If you take the time to sit down and write a form letter about how wonderful and perfect your family is, how much money you make and how great your life is, then send it off to relatives you haven't seen in years - chances are they think you're a douche bag. They have probably also come up with a scornful title for you letters. And I can almost guarantee that they make fun of you, your offspring, your life and your stupid letter mercilessly.
- No one thinks your spawn is cute. We all just want you to shut that screaming shit machine up. Don't go getting all high and mighty with me either. Everyone around you has rights too and that thing is a fucking noise violation.
- Maybe if you spent more time working on disciplining your kids and less time telling them that they special and perfect and everyone will love them just for being themselves, they wouldn't be such a bunch of ill-mannered, demanding, spoiled, assholes.
- The 100 mile diet works real well in places that produce a wide variety of foods, year round. In some places, everything is frozen solid for more than half the year, never produce any real amount of fruit and are no where near a lot of the foods people need to maintain anything resembling a balanced diet.
- I shouldn't be forced to listen to Christmas carols in every god damned store I go into from Nov. 15th until Jan. 15th. It's annoying the shit out of me, I know it's annoying the shit out of other people and I have to wonder how the employees make it though without killing any one.
- Not everyone celebrates Christmas. I just thought I'd point that out as people seem to have forgotten that not everyone in the whole fucking world is Christian.
- If you take the time to sit down and write a form letter about how wonderful and perfect your family is, how much money you make and how great your life is, then send it off to relatives you haven't seen in years - chances are they think you're a douche bag. They have probably also come up with a scornful title for you letters. And I can almost guarantee that they make fun of you, your offspring, your life and your stupid letter mercilessly.
- No one thinks your spawn is cute. We all just want you to shut that screaming shit machine up. Don't go getting all high and mighty with me either. Everyone around you has rights too and that thing is a fucking noise violation.
- Maybe if you spent more time working on disciplining your kids and less time telling them that they special and perfect and everyone will love them just for being themselves, they wouldn't be such a bunch of ill-mannered, demanding, spoiled, assholes.
- The 100 mile diet works real well in places that produce a wide variety of foods, year round. In some places, everything is frozen solid for more than half the year, never produce any real amount of fruit and are no where near a lot of the foods people need to maintain anything resembling a balanced diet.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Were You High When You Came Up With This?
What do a parrot, a flashlight and an FM radio have in common?
If you said "nothing" you'd be closer than these assholes. They seem to have gotten a wire crossed and ended up with this unholy thing.
I actually had a chance to see one in person when it turned up in the lost and found at work. I was so perplexed that I had to find out who was selling it.
In case you can't tell from the picture or the description, it's a toy parrot. The toy parrot has a belt clip for a tail. It also has a button on its back that opens its mouth and turns on the light in there. Then on the side it has a radio, with headphone jacks. (Just like real parrots, right?) Am I the only one who's confused by this?
Really, a flashlight/radio seems a little much to me, but to put in inside a toy parrot and give it a belt clip? Why? It leaves so many questions unanswered. And then to have it demonstrated in the picture by someone at least in their teens is even more confusing. Are fifteen year olds really in to parrot flashlight radios? Are they all giving up their adolescent drug addictions and cell phones for these things?
I don't know if I'll ever get the answers to my questions but I am fairly sure this is a sign that the end is near.
If you said "nothing" you'd be closer than these assholes. They seem to have gotten a wire crossed and ended up with this unholy thing.
I actually had a chance to see one in person when it turned up in the lost and found at work. I was so perplexed that I had to find out who was selling it.
In case you can't tell from the picture or the description, it's a toy parrot. The toy parrot has a belt clip for a tail. It also has a button on its back that opens its mouth and turns on the light in there. Then on the side it has a radio, with headphone jacks. (Just like real parrots, right?) Am I the only one who's confused by this?
Really, a flashlight/radio seems a little much to me, but to put in inside a toy parrot and give it a belt clip? Why? It leaves so many questions unanswered. And then to have it demonstrated in the picture by someone at least in their teens is even more confusing. Are fifteen year olds really in to parrot flashlight radios? Are they all giving up their adolescent drug addictions and cell phones for these things?
I don't know if I'll ever get the answers to my questions but I am fairly sure this is a sign that the end is near.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
This Fabs For You
Here's some Jonathan Coulton, just because I haven't babbled on about him for a while. And you should all bow down before his genius.
Just Like Every Year
Okay guys, I want everyone to listen to me carefully. The white stuff on the ground outside, it's snow. Now wait, hold on, don't panic. It's just snow. This happens every year. I know, it's kind of cold out and the snow and ice are slippery but it's going to be okay. You don't have to go to defcon 4. Really.
I also know that many of you drive, which is what I really want to talk to you about. The snow is not, has not been and will never be an excuse for driving like a bunch of lobotomized chimps. I can't imagine why (especially when you're driving a giant gas hog, wide assed, extendacab 4x4 truck) driving 20 kph down one of the busiest streets in the city would seem like a good idea. It's Novemeber, what the hell are you going to do com February when we're up to our asses in snow and there are very few surfaces not covered in black ice?
And just for the record, driving like it's July does not make it July. Okay? I realize that the geriatrics and the morons are aggrivating. I know you have places to be. But driving like an asshole isn't fixing the problem. Could you at least pretend like you understand what "slippery" means?
All I ask is that people try and drive like they actually know what they're doing. It's really not that hard. Is it?
I also know that many of you drive, which is what I really want to talk to you about. The snow is not, has not been and will never be an excuse for driving like a bunch of lobotomized chimps. I can't imagine why (especially when you're driving a giant gas hog, wide assed, extendacab 4x4 truck) driving 20 kph down one of the busiest streets in the city would seem like a good idea. It's Novemeber, what the hell are you going to do com February when we're up to our asses in snow and there are very few surfaces not covered in black ice?
And just for the record, driving like it's July does not make it July. Okay? I realize that the geriatrics and the morons are aggrivating. I know you have places to be. But driving like an asshole isn't fixing the problem. Could you at least pretend like you understand what "slippery" means?
All I ask is that people try and drive like they actually know what they're doing. It's really not that hard. Is it?
Friday, November 16, 2007
No, We Don't Carry That In-Store
Now that I've exposed myself as being no better than Hitler, I might as well forge on ahead by revealing myself as a giant nerd. I read graphic novels. Not just comics but graphic novels. Especially Hellboy. And to buy and Hellboy or B.P.R.D from Chapters I have to order them in.
Why? Because they never have the fucking things in store.
So I have to order them from Chapters Indigo Kiosk whateverthefuckit'scalled. And I always do this from in the store. Because I normally put in my order while I paying for other things. That way I'm not doing anything that if the order gets fucked up could be blamed on me. I have one of the staff do it.
The single most important thing I have learned about this process in the last couple of months is, this system either works surprisingly well or it will become a like pulling fucking teeth.
A few of the books I've ordered have come in in a matter of days, the record being three days. From order place to having the book in my hands. Which I thought was pretty damned awesome. And then it all kind of fell apart. I placed an order for one book, got the standard speach about how it would be delivered to the store in a week or two. They'd call when it got there.
I wait. A week. Two weeks. I get an email. My order has been cancelled, would I like to replace the order? Well since it's a brand new book, there is no way it's out of print yet, I paid for it, I still want the damned thing, yes I want to replace the order. So I jump through the hoops. And I wait. Another week. Two weeks.
I call the store. No, they don't have my book. I'll have to wait more. And wait I do. Another week. I call again. They give me their toll free number to call. And after waiting ten minutes on hold I get to talk to a real live person.
"It looks like your order was cancelled." He says.
"I know it was cancelled. That's why I placed the order again."
"Yes, I see that. But it was cancelled again."
"And why would that be?"
"The order was placed at a warehouse that doesn't keep that book in stock. So they can't ship it out to you."
"And was anyone going to let me know about all this?"
Dead air.
"I mean, I paid for the book and no one actually told me that it's not coming. I even called the store and they didn't tell me that. So I've paid for something that I'm not going to get. Don't you think I'd probably want my money back or something? Has my account been credited for the amount I paid or anything like that?"
"Well you would have to go in to the store to have your account credited."
"But no one called or emailed to let me know that I needed to do that. They didn't even let me know the damned book wasn't coming. I kept getting people telling it was coming as a matter of fact. So how exactly was I supposed to know that I'd have to go in to the store to get my money back?"
"Um... I don't know."
Ah, he doesn't know. No shit! I can hear him clacking away at his keyboard.
"Actually, the book is available from another warehouse."
"What?"
"Another warehouse has that book in stock. Did you want me to order it from there?"
What do you think? "Yes, yes I do."
"Okay, it should be there in a few days."
"Just to clarify, you're telling me your warehouses don't communicate? If an order can't be filled at one it doesn't just move on over to the other? And if it can't be filled and they know that they still send out emails asking if you want to replace your order? And they only send out one of those? And then they just leave you hanging? And no one lets the customer know that their item isn't coming, ever and they need to go to the store to get their money back? So maybe they'll just forget about it and you get to keep the thirty odd dollars it costs for a book? I don't get it."
There's a long pause. "I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with this order."
"Yeah, me too."
"Thank you for calling Chapters." blah, blah, blah.
My book was at the store in four days. I waited over a month for something that should have taken four days. And just to top it all off, when I was asking about this kind of shit at the store the girl helping me told me what I've come to understand completely. "The system kind of sucks. It works really well or stuff like this happens. It's kind of frustrating."
Really? I hadn't noticed.
"And they've never tried to fix this problem?"
She just laughed and shook her head.
Why? Because they never have the fucking things in store.
So I have to order them from Chapters Indigo Kiosk whateverthefuckit'scalled. And I always do this from in the store. Because I normally put in my order while I paying for other things. That way I'm not doing anything that if the order gets fucked up could be blamed on me. I have one of the staff do it.
The single most important thing I have learned about this process in the last couple of months is, this system either works surprisingly well or it will become a like pulling fucking teeth.
A few of the books I've ordered have come in in a matter of days, the record being three days. From order place to having the book in my hands. Which I thought was pretty damned awesome. And then it all kind of fell apart. I placed an order for one book, got the standard speach about how it would be delivered to the store in a week or two. They'd call when it got there.
I wait. A week. Two weeks. I get an email. My order has been cancelled, would I like to replace the order? Well since it's a brand new book, there is no way it's out of print yet, I paid for it, I still want the damned thing, yes I want to replace the order. So I jump through the hoops. And I wait. Another week. Two weeks.
I call the store. No, they don't have my book. I'll have to wait more. And wait I do. Another week. I call again. They give me their toll free number to call. And after waiting ten minutes on hold I get to talk to a real live person.
"It looks like your order was cancelled." He says.
"I know it was cancelled. That's why I placed the order again."
"Yes, I see that. But it was cancelled again."
"And why would that be?"
"The order was placed at a warehouse that doesn't keep that book in stock. So they can't ship it out to you."
"And was anyone going to let me know about all this?"
Dead air.
"I mean, I paid for the book and no one actually told me that it's not coming. I even called the store and they didn't tell me that. So I've paid for something that I'm not going to get. Don't you think I'd probably want my money back or something? Has my account been credited for the amount I paid or anything like that?"
"Well you would have to go in to the store to have your account credited."
"But no one called or emailed to let me know that I needed to do that. They didn't even let me know the damned book wasn't coming. I kept getting people telling it was coming as a matter of fact. So how exactly was I supposed to know that I'd have to go in to the store to get my money back?"
"Um... I don't know."
Ah, he doesn't know. No shit! I can hear him clacking away at his keyboard.
"Actually, the book is available from another warehouse."
"What?"
"Another warehouse has that book in stock. Did you want me to order it from there?"
What do you think? "Yes, yes I do."
"Okay, it should be there in a few days."
"Just to clarify, you're telling me your warehouses don't communicate? If an order can't be filled at one it doesn't just move on over to the other? And if it can't be filled and they know that they still send out emails asking if you want to replace your order? And they only send out one of those? And then they just leave you hanging? And no one lets the customer know that their item isn't coming, ever and they need to go to the store to get their money back? So maybe they'll just forget about it and you get to keep the thirty odd dollars it costs for a book? I don't get it."
There's a long pause. "I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with this order."
"Yeah, me too."
"Thank you for calling Chapters." blah, blah, blah.
My book was at the store in four days. I waited over a month for something that should have taken four days. And just to top it all off, when I was asking about this kind of shit at the store the girl helping me told me what I've come to understand completely. "The system kind of sucks. It works really well or stuff like this happens. It's kind of frustrating."
Really? I hadn't noticed.
"And they've never tried to fix this problem?"
She just laughed and shook her head.
Hitler-esque
I knew it had to happen some day, I just wasn't expecting that day to get here so quickly. I've finally been compared to Hitler.
I know what you're thinking, did I go oppressing an entire people again? Was I staging book burnings? Or giant rallies where everyone hails me and all of my soldiers do that goose stepping thing? And I have to answer you no. As much fun as some of that sounds. I just haven't had that kind of time lately.
No, friends, it was because I eat fish.
I was discussing food with Jarred, the other person running the theatre, (between the two of us I amazed we haven't burned to building down yet) and my not eating meat came up. I mentioned that I eat fish and Jarred laughed.
"You can't call yourself a vegetarian if you eat fish."
I explain there are a lot of kinds of vegetarians, including those who still eat chicken. They only cut the red meat (which we took a few minutes to make fun of). But around here it's just so much easier to say "vegetarian" than to try and explain all this to some of the meat lovin', commie hatin', rednecks who populate our fair province. They barely understand that, I think trying to reason with them any more than that would cause wide spread panic and rioting.
"So why don't you eat meat?" He asks.
"I don't feel good about it." It's the simplest answer. "I like to feel good about what I'm eating. Meat doesn't make me feel good. So I don't eat it."
"But you eat fish?"
"Yeah."
"So you don't feel bad about eating fish?"
"Not really."
He laughs. "So, like Hitler with the Jews? He didn't feel bad about killing them either."
How can I argue with logic like that?
"Yes, Jarred. I'm like Hitler. I'm the Hitler of fish." (At this point I take great pride in my restrain to make a comment about ovens.)
So yes, I am the Hitler of fish. Are you all happy now?
*sigh* I'm going to eat some tuna now.
I know what you're thinking, did I go oppressing an entire people again? Was I staging book burnings? Or giant rallies where everyone hails me and all of my soldiers do that goose stepping thing? And I have to answer you no. As much fun as some of that sounds. I just haven't had that kind of time lately.
No, friends, it was because I eat fish.
I was discussing food with Jarred, the other person running the theatre, (between the two of us I amazed we haven't burned to building down yet) and my not eating meat came up. I mentioned that I eat fish and Jarred laughed.
"You can't call yourself a vegetarian if you eat fish."
I explain there are a lot of kinds of vegetarians, including those who still eat chicken. They only cut the red meat (which we took a few minutes to make fun of). But around here it's just so much easier to say "vegetarian" than to try and explain all this to some of the meat lovin', commie hatin', rednecks who populate our fair province. They barely understand that, I think trying to reason with them any more than that would cause wide spread panic and rioting.
"So why don't you eat meat?" He asks.
"I don't feel good about it." It's the simplest answer. "I like to feel good about what I'm eating. Meat doesn't make me feel good. So I don't eat it."
"But you eat fish?"
"Yeah."
"So you don't feel bad about eating fish?"
"Not really."
He laughs. "So, like Hitler with the Jews? He didn't feel bad about killing them either."
How can I argue with logic like that?
"Yes, Jarred. I'm like Hitler. I'm the Hitler of fish." (At this point I take great pride in my restrain to make a comment about ovens.)
So yes, I am the Hitler of fish. Are you all happy now?
*sigh* I'm going to eat some tuna now.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I Swear They're Trying To Kill Me
Can someone please tell me why the fuck we suddenly have this huge crop of movies that are remakes of old films? Or is it just me? Am I the only one noticing this? In the last couple of months I haven't had a single movie related conversation that didn't include someone saying "Oh, did you hear they're remaking (insert movie that should never ever be remade)?"
Has Hollywood finally become completely devoid of any original thought or creativity? Are they that hard up for new stories? Have they completely tapped out of the usual mindless bullshit they normally pump out? What the fuck?
For long while already they've been draining the comic world and turning characters and stories we've all known and loved for years into barely recognisable, watered down, Hollywoodized garbage. Trying to re-do things that were done right the first fucking time. Trying to attract even more people to the movies they already had an audience for and just pissing everyone off. Fucking it up badly enough that no reader, from the casual to the hardcore fan boys, is willing to overlook it and still not making it a story that any of the non-fans are interested in anyway.
Then they started going after tv nostalgia. Shows that ran for years that again, everyone knows and fucking that up too. Trying to update and revamp things that everyone still remembers fondly. I mean for fuck sakes, just look at Bewitched: the movie! What the fuck were they thinking!? Michael fucking Caine couldn't even save that movie from being unwatchable. And between the trailers for Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks it's almost more than I can take.
For some reason Hollywood, with very few exceptions, manages to completely fuck up everything it tries to re-do. So I hope you'll understand my agitation when I hear that they're diving head first into the remakes. And I really don't get it, this need to "remake" anything. If it was done right the first time you're never going to be able to surpass that glory, you're not going to make it better and you're not going to relive that magic. You're going to take something great and rape it up the ass while we all watch in disgust. And if it wasn't done right the first time you don't get a fucking "do-over"!
Did Planet of the Apes teach them nothing?
One more thing, if anyone connected with the Deathrace 2000 remake is reading this, could you do me a favour and go fuck yourselves? Thanks.
Has Hollywood finally become completely devoid of any original thought or creativity? Are they that hard up for new stories? Have they completely tapped out of the usual mindless bullshit they normally pump out? What the fuck?
For long while already they've been draining the comic world and turning characters and stories we've all known and loved for years into barely recognisable, watered down, Hollywoodized garbage. Trying to re-do things that were done right the first fucking time. Trying to attract even more people to the movies they already had an audience for and just pissing everyone off. Fucking it up badly enough that no reader, from the casual to the hardcore fan boys, is willing to overlook it and still not making it a story that any of the non-fans are interested in anyway.
Then they started going after tv nostalgia. Shows that ran for years that again, everyone knows and fucking that up too. Trying to update and revamp things that everyone still remembers fondly. I mean for fuck sakes, just look at Bewitched: the movie! What the fuck were they thinking!? Michael fucking Caine couldn't even save that movie from being unwatchable. And between the trailers for Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks it's almost more than I can take.
For some reason Hollywood, with very few exceptions, manages to completely fuck up everything it tries to re-do. So I hope you'll understand my agitation when I hear that they're diving head first into the remakes. And I really don't get it, this need to "remake" anything. If it was done right the first time you're never going to be able to surpass that glory, you're not going to make it better and you're not going to relive that magic. You're going to take something great and rape it up the ass while we all watch in disgust. And if it wasn't done right the first time you don't get a fucking "do-over"!
Did Planet of the Apes teach them nothing?
One more thing, if anyone connected with the Deathrace 2000 remake is reading this, could you do me a favour and go fuck yourselves? Thanks.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
In Theory
Being sick enough for all of your co-worker to notice (and avoid you and your disgusting germs) and having a boss who is awesome enough to notice, pity you and send you home to sleep it off sounds cool. In reality, it is lame, all kinds of lame. Because, while having a sympathetic boss (who doesn't want your disgusting germs) is really wicked awesome, you're still sick enough to be sent home from work.
At least I made up for completely forgetting work on Tuesday (stupid call-in) and impressed the hell out of my boss by "dragging my sorry ass in to work" (her words, not mine). I just figured my alarm had gone off, I was awake, I might as well go.
Also, getting a nose bleed while you have a cold/flu sucks more than I can say. I seriously think I'm falling apart. To bad my warranty ran out. Those replacement parts cost a fortune.
At least I made up for completely forgetting work on Tuesday (stupid call-in) and impressed the hell out of my boss by "dragging my sorry ass in to work" (her words, not mine). I just figured my alarm had gone off, I was awake, I might as well go.
Also, getting a nose bleed while you have a cold/flu sucks more than I can say. I seriously think I'm falling apart. To bad my warranty ran out. Those replacement parts cost a fortune.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Best Excuse
For wearing a hideous sweater anyway.
"It covers all the important areas. My Head and my pits. I won't get hypothermia."
-Holly
"It covers all the important areas. My Head and my pits. I won't get hypothermia."
-Holly
Stupid Germs
I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that being sick as an adult sucks balls.
When you're little everyone is there to take care of you, make you food, bring you medicine, make sure you have enough pillows and blankets. All those great things that made sick days from school not so bad.
As an adult no one is there to make me food or bring me drugs or even call to make sure I'm okay. I haven't had even one person offer to bring me a blanket or a pillow in years. And staying home means calling in sick to work and losing money.
What kind of shitty deal is that?
When you're little everyone is there to take care of you, make you food, bring you medicine, make sure you have enough pillows and blankets. All those great things that made sick days from school not so bad.
As an adult no one is there to make me food or bring me drugs or even call to make sure I'm okay. I haven't had even one person offer to bring me a blanket or a pillow in years. And staying home means calling in sick to work and losing money.
What kind of shitty deal is that?
Monday, November 05, 2007
In Case You Forgot
Though I'm sure you didn't. Right?
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Here Comes DR TRAN!
This is by far one of my favourite animated shorts. It also happens to be one of those clips that I seem to forget about for ages and then end up rediscovering and laughing my ass off. Which is exactly what I did only a few hours ago.
Anyway, enjoy.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Deadly Sin Or Just The Sin Of Tasting Like Shit?
It's not often that I'm one for product endorsement, especially since I'm not a celebrity and no one is paying me millions to say their stuff doesn't suck. But if something is really, really awesome I like to spread the word. More people buy something, the more likely it is that I'll be able to find it easily and won't have to worry about them pulling the product or the company going under. So it's win-win really.
That being said... awhile ago I discovered Oral Fixation Mints. The box caught my attention first (I'm such a design whore. If something looks cool I'm about 90% more likely to buy it.) and the flavours seemed interesting. So I bought a couple of different kinds. (I'm also a terrible impulse shopper. If they kept everything in neato packaging right next the the cashier I would be broke and homeless in a matter of days.) I got the Mojito Mint, the Antioximints (green tea flavoured) and the 7 Deadly Cinnamon.
The Mojito mints were really tasty, just nicely lime flavoured and not painfully strong. The Antioximints were a serious winner. One of the best tasting mints I've had in a long time. And then... then I got to the cinnamon.
Honestly, of all the flavours I could have chosen from I don't know why I picked them up. I've always had a bit of a turbulent relationship with "cinnamon flavoured" anything. I take exception to the fact that "cinnamon flavour" tastes nothing like cinnamon. And I'd really like to know what chimp of a taste tester ever thought that what ever the hell that taste is is even remotely close to cinnamon.
But I digress. The 7 Deadly Cinnamon mints are in a whole league of their own when it comes to all things cinnamon flavoured.
At this point you may mistakenly think I'm about to say something good about them. You are very, very wrong.
These are absolutely the worst mints/candies, cinnamon flavoured or not, that I have ever had ever. Sweet titty fucking Christ, I still can't even wrap my mind around the horror held within such a tiny candy.
Honestly, I would take any "cinnamon flavouring" over whatever the hell these things are. They don't even taste like the usual chemical spiciness that I had expected. Although I did know that taste. I knew it the moment that piece of evil touched my tongue.
Stomach acid.
I'm sure everyone has, at one time or another, tasted it at the back of their throat. That horrible acid burn accompanied by that bitter nasty taste. Left over after puking, creeping up with some nasty heartburn, you know what I mean. That taste. The candies taste like that.
And then subtly, just beneath that god awful taste there is a hint of chemical spiciness faux-cinnamon.
Great. They've manages to mix two of the worlds worst tastes into one disgusting piece of nastiness. Like puking after eating a handful of cinnamon hearts.
So I'm begging Oral Fixation, please for all our sakes, could you do something about this? All your other mints are so darn good. But these taste like they were shat forth from the very bowels of hell. Could you at very least make them just taste like every other faux-cinnamon product?
Thanks! I'd really appreciate that.
That being said... awhile ago I discovered Oral Fixation Mints. The box caught my attention first (I'm such a design whore. If something looks cool I'm about 90% more likely to buy it.) and the flavours seemed interesting. So I bought a couple of different kinds. (I'm also a terrible impulse shopper. If they kept everything in neato packaging right next the the cashier I would be broke and homeless in a matter of days.) I got the Mojito Mint, the Antioximints (green tea flavoured) and the 7 Deadly Cinnamon.
The Mojito mints were really tasty, just nicely lime flavoured and not painfully strong. The Antioximints were a serious winner. One of the best tasting mints I've had in a long time. And then... then I got to the cinnamon.
Honestly, of all the flavours I could have chosen from I don't know why I picked them up. I've always had a bit of a turbulent relationship with "cinnamon flavoured" anything. I take exception to the fact that "cinnamon flavour" tastes nothing like cinnamon. And I'd really like to know what chimp of a taste tester ever thought that what ever the hell that taste is is even remotely close to cinnamon.
But I digress. The 7 Deadly Cinnamon mints are in a whole league of their own when it comes to all things cinnamon flavoured.
At this point you may mistakenly think I'm about to say something good about them. You are very, very wrong.
These are absolutely the worst mints/candies, cinnamon flavoured or not, that I have ever had ever. Sweet titty fucking Christ, I still can't even wrap my mind around the horror held within such a tiny candy.
Honestly, I would take any "cinnamon flavouring" over whatever the hell these things are. They don't even taste like the usual chemical spiciness that I had expected. Although I did know that taste. I knew it the moment that piece of evil touched my tongue.
Stomach acid.
I'm sure everyone has, at one time or another, tasted it at the back of their throat. That horrible acid burn accompanied by that bitter nasty taste. Left over after puking, creeping up with some nasty heartburn, you know what I mean. That taste. The candies taste like that.
And then subtly, just beneath that god awful taste there is a hint of chemical spiciness faux-cinnamon.
Great. They've manages to mix two of the worlds worst tastes into one disgusting piece of nastiness. Like puking after eating a handful of cinnamon hearts.
So I'm begging Oral Fixation, please for all our sakes, could you do something about this? All your other mints are so darn good. But these taste like they were shat forth from the very bowels of hell. Could you at very least make them just taste like every other faux-cinnamon product?
Thanks! I'd really appreciate that.
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