An Issue Of Distance

Like most people my age, I'm pretty pro-internet. I spend a lot of time entertaining myself with stupid online shit. It fills time when I'm bored at work, it increases the amount of useless information I have stored in my head and most of all, it connects me to all kinds of people.

I certainly count that last one as a pro, for me it's also a con.

See I have plenty of friends offline (believe it or not) and I also have plenty of friends online, some of whom I've met and some I haven't. My friends online are scattered all over the world. They're great people who I'm proud to know and prouder still to call friends. The ones I have met have been (unbelievably) more awesome in person than online and they're in my thoughts constantly.

Bu at the same time it's sad. Being scattered around the world means that they are all much, much too far away. It drives me crazy when I know someone is upset or freaking out or just having a bad day and I can't just be there. There are so many times when I say "I wish I could give you a hug" and I mean it completely. There are even more times I think "I wish they were here" whether it's just for coffee and hanging out or because I'm the one who needs a hug.

I do what I can to make the distance seem less but sometimes... it sucks balls.

I guess what it comes down to is this - I love all my friends. They are awesome. To be able to continue sharing pieces of my life with these people, I take the bad along with the good because it's worth it to me.

I just wish you were here.

Drunk And Nerdy*

I went for supper with my friend Ted last night. Somehow we ended up spending nearly the entire time coming up with some of the best and worst drinks ever created.

The M. Night Shyamalan - A shitty drink, with a twist!

This drink is dedicated to the man and his films.

Jack - The depressing lead of the movie

Grenadine - The "something special" to lift up the lead and give him a little hope

151 - Like M. Night's movies, leaves you confused and wondering what the hell happened (and, if you've just watched one of his movies, you'll wish you were very, very drunk).

Cranberry Juice - The bitterness his movies leave you with.

Served in a Martini glass (chilled or not, it doesn't matter - much like his movies) rimmed with crushed cinnamon hearts (they claim to be cinnamon, but we all know they're not and they leave you with the taste of bile at the back of your throat).

Finished with a twist of lime (Every movie has his trademark twist, so something expected but not as obvious as lemon) - May be substituted with grapefruit if you're not feeling quite bitter enough.

The Adversary - Pronounced "Adver-ser-ee"

This is a drink for Sean Connery. It must be drunk while wearing a kilt and preferably while watching "Hunt for Red October".

Scotch - Obviously

Mike's Hard Cranberry - Something in-your-face, that clearly doesn't belong there

Served with a Jaggerbomb chaser (to get you drunk enough to slur and hyper enough to go head to head with Connery).

Sabotage - Pronounced "Sabo-t-A-ge"

This is a drink for the beloved Captain Kirk. It's a girly drink, designed to bring the ladies, to sneak up on them, knock them on their ass and have them wake up wondering what the hell happened.

Triple filtered vodka - Something easy to hide but strong enough to do some damage

Strawberry juice - A straight up girl drink

Shaved ice - No matter how hot, you're not going to melt this cowboy

Served in a chilled martini glass, rimmed in vanilla sugar with a chocolate drizzle.

The Sabre Tooth

Bacon vodka - Shot

Tabasco

Jalepeno Bacon Salt rim

Bacon Bit garnish

Meat on meat on meat, with a bite.

Substitute the Jalepeno Bacon Salt for Maple Bacon salt and add liquid smoke - You have yourself A Wolverine

The Jubilee

One shot of Blue Bols in a shot glass rimmed with Pop Rocks.

This one it pretty self-explanitory.

The Nightcrawler

Kirschwasser - Shot

Gin - Shot

Served separately, mixed in a glass and then shot.

Must be served under a black light.

The Deadpool

Redbull - Shotgunned

Green apple Sour Puss - Shot

Maple Syrup - Shot

A raw egg (served in a shot glass) - with Tobasco garnish

Red food colouring should be added to the first two shots.

Between each shot the drinker should talk himself out of each shot before doing it anyway.

Finished by punching yourself in the face.

The Bizzarro Superman

This drink is much like a traditional tequila shot.

Salt is licked off the hand followed by a shot of pure lemon juice. A shot of tequila is thrown over your shoulder. Finished by punching the person to your left.

And finally...

The Apocalypse**

This is a line shot.

3 shots - 151

1 shot - Snakebite

2 tumblers - 151

1 tumbler - Hot 100

1 pint - 151

Finished by burning down the bar.

*For the complete set of Star Trek theme drinks - go here.

** Not recommended for human consumption. Ever. For any reason.

Obligatory?

Has the "end of the year" post become an obligation? Is it my duty as a blogger to write something to sum up the last year? If so, does that really mean I give a shit?
Oh well. I'll do one anyway.

2009: a year in points

- I worried, a lot. I was also sick, a lot. I'm positive that those two things had NOTHING to do with each other.

- I started working at a new library and quit the old one (despite popular opinion that I would be there forever).

- I made it past the quarter of a century mark without too much trouble. I did not have a nervous breakdown, cry or any other "you're 25 now" cliches. In fact, I think I cared about it less than anyone.

- I completed my second short film, this time - Zombies. It was awesome and I am still grateful to everyone who helped out.

- I made some new and seriously awesome friends and walked away from some seriously not-awesome friends.

- I ended up in the hospital, which I wouldn't recommend for fun.

- I got myself a new puppy. Her name is Frankie, BTW.

- I went to Boston to hang out with two of the awesomest people I'm lucky enough to know.

All in all it was a year I probably wouldn't willingly chose to live over again, but it had its good points. Thanks to everyone who was there to make the good stuff awesome and the shittiness stuff I could live through.
See you all next year.

Always,

-Gwenhwyfar

Worth The Price Of A Ticket

So, for anyone who hasn't been paying attention at all this last month - I'm in Boston visiting Robin. I've only been here a day but it's already been totally worth the price of getting here. Robin herself made the whole trip.

"How?" I hear you ask.

She was having trouble with her Facebook today. For some unknown reason it keeps changing to spanish. Her response to the whole thing was priceless...

"See? It keeps switching to spanish! Why does it keep doing that? I wonder if I type if it will be spanish?"

...

We may or may not have laughed very hard at her.

But she's cute, so it's okay.

Apparently I Suck At Posting...

It's been almost a week. I know. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I'm sorry. But I'll try to make it up to you by recapping this last week.
Sunday, as I'm sure you're all aware was Flogging Molly Day, which will go down in history as a day made of awesome. Even with all the crap that wasn't so awesome, it still makes the awesome list which almost makes me happy for the crap because at full awesomeness capacity, I probably would have just dropped dead.
The drive up was, well, a drive through the prairie. I was sorry that I forgot my camera tho and I didn't manage to get lost or anything. I also managed to avoid any wildlife around the highway, for which I am endlessly grateful.
Then there was Blue. She started off on the right foot with her perfect call timing. Google maps, as per usual, had given me some seriously stupid directions and I had just dug out my cell phone to call her to ask where in the bloody hell I was meant to go when it rang. Between her and her unfortunately mute husband we managed to get my car and myself there in one piece.
From there I met her kids (one of whom informed me that he can "jump as far as a ninja" and owns an axe specifically for killing zombies - guess who was my favourite), her dogs (both of whom are lovely but unfortunately either too big or too squirmy to steal without being noticed) and her cat (who is not nearly as scary as advertised). Blue, for the record, is not a serial killer which I was a little disappointed to discover.
After a little bit of a directional mishap, some incredibly dusty gas station candy and picking up food we made it to the show on time. The crowd outside was about what I expected, a good mix of people with a generous helping of the "too cool"/"asshole" crowd. When the doors opened and booze was added to the mix they became a pretty standard concert audience (especially for any band connected in any way with Ireland... gotta love the wanna-be Irish).
Neither Blue nor I drink so we spent a fair amount of time shoving drunks away from us and threatening physical violence on the next guy to put his arm around us. We also made friends with a couple of guys who assured us that not all guys are drunken losers and then started keeping score, guys vs. girls, for who was the worst behaved (I'm ashamed to admit it was called a tie by the end).
Flogging Molly was, as you may have guessed, ten shades of awesome. They put on a really good show and I was absolutely, pants-wettingly, excited to find that they sound almost better live than they do recorded (I fucking hate any band that sounds shit live). Super high energy with just the right amount of between song chatting and guinness drinking. I also bought myself some swag including a new jacket (which I've been wearing pretty much constantly since I got my hands on it).
And finally the crap, because you knew I wouldn't skip it.
Like I've said, the drunks were out in full force and while some of them were amusing to be worth it others were decidedly not. If I live to be a thousand I will never understand people who get slobbering drunk before the band even hits the stage nor will I understand people who feel the need to act like fucking assholes at a crowded venue. (For the record, I've been to lots of metal shows and I still think that moshing is fucking stupid. Moshing at FM is even worse. Stop acting like such a motherfucking douche bag.)
I ended up having to leave really, painfully early which blew goats. I had gotten a call from a friend of mine informing me that after a trip down to the states her boyfriend (another good friend of mine) had been denied entry back in to the country and might be deported without so much as a chance to come and pick up his things. I drove home early in case she needed me to come with her down to the border to talk to immigration as she was more than a little wound up and hadn't slept. It wasn't until I'd left the city that my mother called to remind me that I was meant to be teaching a class that afternoon... so no trip, but still a shit ton to do.
And on top of it all, the tooth that had been giving me trouble for a while had gotten worse. A two week migraine, more painkillers than any one person should ever take and a desperate to the dentist later and I'm now short one tooth. I'd complain, but at least my head doesn't hurt anymore.
Oh and in there somewhere was a trip to get a replacement birth certificate (for which they charge me a bloody fortune), a stop at the passport office (directly after the dentist - FUN!) where they informed me that I would need a different guarantor, a trip across town and back, another hour waiting to file my application and catching a cold.
So here we are. A week later. Fun stuff. I'll tell you all about the opening bands another day. They deserve their own post.

Flogging Molly Day!

In a little while I'm leaving to drive to Saskatoon. Why Saskatoon? Because that, my friends, is where I will get to see two very awesome things.
Bluepaintred AND Flogging Molly.
My head might explode from the sheer awesome. I'll report more on that later.

What Robin Is In Store For (And Also Manly Man)

Why yes, I do intend to just keep stealing posts from Robin.

- Realizing I really do curse that much and it gets more creative the more annoyed I am.

- Listening to me try to convince you to move to Canada as much and as often as humanly possible.

- Learning that I am the most indecisive person on the planet. Just make the decision for me, woman!

- Hearing me say "that's dirty" on a fairly regular basis.

- Having me ask a lot of stupid questions.

- My burping

and much, much more!
Excited yet?

In Person?

Some in-person things you should know about me in case you ever meet me.

- As much as I'm not really a "touchy" person, I hug my friends all the time. It's just how we say hello and good-bye and whatever else needs to be said with hugs.

- I talk a lot. I know I do. I talk more and faster when I'm nervous or excited. Be afraid, be very afraid.

- I am prone to giggle fits, it's some kind of genetic flaw. This gets worse when I'm nervous or excited. (Seriously, all the women in my family have this problem.) This means that something stupid will set me off laughing and I can't stop. It's weird. I know.

- Yes, I am this sarcastic all the time.

- I often make an ass of myself and I stick my foot in my mouth so often it would be easier to say that occasionally I take my foot out of my mouth.

If you're wondering why I'm telling you all this, you obviously need to pay more attention to Robin's blog because I really did just rip off her post. Also, I'm going to Boston to visit Robin and Manly Man! Yay! And we're going to see the new Kevin movie! More YAY!
This, my friends, is going to be epic.

Holy Hell...

Has it been that long?

Sorry guys. I honestly haven't forgotten about this place. I've just been stupid busy and occupied with a million other things. It's hard to be motivated to write anything at all when I do have a free minute when all I want to do is lay on the couch and maybe watch an episode or two of something or other.

Tomorrow is the shoot day for my teeny, tiny, very small film. For such a little thing it is causing me massive amounts of stress and costing me a small fortune.

I'm not complaining, mind you. This is really something I'm more excited and happy about than I have been in... maybe ever. Every minute of stress, every penny spent, every sleepless night, every worry I have, every bit of work done is absolutely worth it to be able to spend even one day doing the one thing that makes me happier than anything in the world. And I'm incredibly fortunate to have some really amazing and awesome people on my side, helping me out and putting themselves out just so I can do this. I appreciate it more than I'm sure I'll ever be able to express.

So lets all cross our fingers and hope that tomorrow goes really well.

Send good vibes and happy thoughts. I need all I can get.

Hi I'm Not In Right Now...

But you can leave a message at the beep or you can try me over at Bluepaintred.

Top 10 Reasons Why Robin Should Move To Canada

Despite my nagging, whining, suggesting, hinting at, and insisting Robin has STILL not moved to Canada*. I find this a little disheartening. So I decided maybe if she had some really good reasons she might reconsider.

10. She has an accent and it's a well known fact Canadians have a natural affinity for accents which would surely make her instantly popular, respected and adored.

9. She often complains about her daily commute to work. In my city there is no commute more than 30 mins. Hell, you can drive from one end of the city to the other in 20 mins if the lights are with you. My daily commute - 10 mins, through the park.

8. It's way cheeper here. That should be a good enough reason for anyone.

7. Free health care. (see #8)

6. She is now well versed in Canadian slang making Canada a natural choice as a new country to live in.

5. Our money, while not worth a lot world wide, comes in a variety of colours making it more of a fashion accessory than anything. So you can flaunt your money and be fashionable all at once.

4. Canadians are known world wide for being fairly laid back and friendly people. Why wouldn't you want to live here?

3. Erik wouldn't feel left out of conversations when we talk online. I could just ask him to explain stuff to her in person which would cut down on a lot of confusion.

2. Canada has so many opportunities for photography it's mind boggling. Also, I don't think I've ever gotten poison ivy here.

1. I live here. And so does Blue. How much more convincing do you need? Clearly it's the awesomest country in the world.

If that doesn't get her to move here, nothing will.

*and by Canada I mean Sask.

But You Hear It Already, Right?

Last night was the second installment of Too Much Pressure. We had a blast and had considerably less technical difficulties. I think we also managed to cover more topics than any two people should ever cover in an hour.

Next week it sounds like we'll be having a "Slang Off". Robin will be coming up with a list of American slang and I'm coming up with a list of Canadian slang and we're going to have to try and guess what they mean. I'm going to give my word to not cheat but I'm still confident that I'm going to walk away victorious. We haven't discussed what the stakes of this little competition are, but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

So if you want to hear the results, tune in next week. And please, feel free to join in the chat room or call in. 

Now In Audio!

So I probably should have posted this a while ago and I'd feel worse but Robin only posted about it today too.

For anyone not aware (and I'm assuming that most people), Robin and I have decided to start up our own radio show. For now we're over on Talkshoe, tho whether we'll stay there or not isn't certain (if we do switch to something else, I'll be sure to let you know). I know how excited you'll all be to listen to us babble on about nonsense once a week.

You can find us Sunday at 6.30pm EST and if you happen to be in Sask. like me, that'll be 4.30pm. If you happen to be anywhere else... well, figure it out. I'll be damned if I know what time it is there.

And for anyone interested, here's our very first episode. We hit some glitches right off the top, but after about 5 mins, it gets better. Honest.

Happy Birthday, Manly Man!

Is it wrong that my favourite picture of him is this unibomber pic? If this is wrong I don't want to be right.

Hey everybody! You know what today is? No, it's not "National Free Oatmeal Day". 

It's Manly Man's birthday! Yay! 

So everyone wish him a happy birthday or I'm going to have to start kicking some ass. Seriously. I will hunt you down.

For A Sex Show It Was Kind Of PG-13

Okay, so maybe not quite PG-13, but pretty damned close. I don't know what it is with this city but it really is full of prudes. Having a "No nipples or ass" rule at a sex show is like... well... having a "No nipples or ass rule" at a sex show, or a "no lemons" rule at a diner.

Anyway, we went and saw lots and lots of sex toys. Some of which were terrifying and almost all of which were hilarious. Oddly enough there were very few people who seem to be freely flying their freak flags, which I was a little disappointed about. Although I was impressed and intrigued by the varied of kinds of people. So many of them really didn't look like people you'd see at a sex show.

Apart from some incredibly large insertables (which were entirely horrifying) there wasn't much to report. We made lots of inappropriate jokes, made friends with a dude in a latex man-corset and found the G spot. (Guys, it's in Regina. Go figure.)

Oh and I bought myself a birthday present. I got a lovely corset. And yes, I know this is the third place I've posted about the corset, but damnit, I love it.

Izzy Magoo's: World's Shittiest Diner

If you ever come to Regina and are looking for food, you're in luck. We have one of the highest restaurants per capita in the country. This is also means you're in luck because you can be kind of picky. That many restaurants means you don't have to eat somewhere shitty for lack of choices (isn't life grand?). And luckiest of all, it means that even if you show up in town starving to death and so desperate that you'll eat anywhere, you STILL won't have to eat at Izzy Magoo's.

For those of you who don't know, Izzy Magoo's is a 50's theme diner. They've got the old timey booth seating, records on the walls, old movie posters and all the 50's-ness you can handle. It's one of those places that might be cool if it didn't look horribly slapped together on a minimum budget. Theme restaurants are something that can be costly to put together if you care to do it right and clearly these folks didn't. But hey, even the biggest dump can still pull off a decent meal, right?

I've eaten in plenty of places that were in serious need of a face lift and still got great food. This was not one of those times.

The first major disappointment - dessert. Mostly that there was none. As is NONE AT ALL. As in "where the hell is the sweet stuff?" This also means that there was no pie. Any place without pie immediately loses major points. 

The we ordered drinks. Paul and I got iced tea and as we all know, iced tea is hardly worth drinking without a wedge of lemon. Again - denied. No lemon. Apparently the owner has a "no lemon policy". I am so not making that up. You are not allowed to have a wedge of lemon with your drink.

Now excuse me for a second but I'm paying for a drink and paying a lot more than it's worth. Enough, I would imagine, to pay for the actual cost of the drink itself and still have enough left over to buy a whole bag of lemons. So why, exactly, is it that I can't have a piece of a fucking lemon? I'm the customer, I want a lemon, that should be reason enough.

So we get our lemonless iced tea and we flip through the menu. It's a lot of standard diner food with a bunch of 50's buzz words and car names to jazz it up. 

Paul gets a burger, Jen gets a sammich and I get some fish and chips (which I'm informed comes with lemon). I ask if I can substitute my fries for "frings" which is a combo of fries and onion rings. The server says that's fine. 

Two minutes later she's back to say it isn't.

I could order just fries and then get an appetizer order of onion rings. Paul suggests he change his salad to onion rings and then we can just swap each other half of our respective fried side dishes.

Great, let's do that.

When our orders come, the fish appears to be the "Captain Highliner" variety and the server plunks down a squeeze bottle of Kraft tartar sauce.

Awesome.

Do you have any idea how easy it is to bread fish yourself or, for that matter, to make your own tartar sauce? I do it all the time. And it kicks Kraft's ass.

When we ask for a second plate so we may let our fries and onion rings co-mingle our sever grimaces a little. 

"There is a $2.50 plate charge."

What?

"If I bring an extra plate."

You're kidding.

"It's a rule."

She's not kidding.

"And we're out of lemon."

Jesus.

"Sorry."

How about comment cards? Do you have any of those?

"No."

I can see why.

She tells us the owner doesn't care and we can complain all we like. He won't give a shit.

Great business strategy. 

So you see, if the half-assed atmosphere doesn't drive you away, if the food isn't sub-par enough, if the music isn't crappy enough, if there aren't so many rules you want to scream, if the fact that the owner clearly treats his staff like shit all aren't reason enough not to visit this festering dung heap - just keep in mind, he cares about you just as much as he cares about his staff. You're the customer and should be listened to carefully, treated well and cared for and about. After all, you're the one with the money.

Besides, business owners who treat their staff like shit should be strung up by their balls.

Yeah, Yeah, Shut Up

Let me start out by saying I hate cell phones. Over all I think they're stupid and a major annoyance. I hate that people seem to have completely given up on any kind of cell phone etiquette. I hate "text spelling". All of it just gripes my ass something awful.
But for the last seven or eight years I have had a cell phone off and on. For the most part it was something I kept for emergencies and for the better part of that time I was on pay as you go. I didn't often hand out the number because half the time my phone was dead or out of minutes or whatever. And then suddenly I found that every one of my friends had gotten a phone. They also got in to the habit of texting. Bastards.
I used to get through a whole month on $20. Between my friends calling and texting and whatever, that jumped to more like $60. Yesterday I finally said "fuck it". I broke down and got myself a new cell phone plan and replaced my antique phone with a brand new Razr 2. (Jesus titty fucking Christ... "Razr"? Are they shitting me with this? What, they couldn't afford a vowel? Gah!)

This also mean, anyone reading this who has my cell number for whatever reason - my number has changed.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, Robin. is now listed as one of the authors here. I don't actually expect her to write anything as I've added her only because we've mutually decided to go on Death Watch for each other. Not that either of us is dying at the moment (well, technically we're all dying, aren't we?) but in the event that one of us gets hit by a bus or falls off a cliff or something, the other will notify everyone what happened.
We are a chipper couple aren't we?

Watch As The Amazing Gwenhwyfar Fearlessly Answers Questions!

A while back Robin did the 5 questions meme and now it's my turn. Here are Robin's questions and my completely and very serious answers. They are, after all, questions of great social importance.

1. Verbal Kint, Dr. Cox or Me?
Oh geez... I have to choose? What's up with that? Can't I have my cake and eat it too (which is a stupid saying BTW, if it's my cake, why shouldn't I eat it?)? I have good reasons for choosing any one of you.
Verbal is, well, Verbal. Do I need another reason? He's Kevin at his most loveable. Even knowing that he's really a terrifying criminal mastermind, you still can't help but love him.
Dr. Cox is the kind of guy I'm usually drawn to. Loud, angry and given to ranting with the added bonus of being smart (smarts are super sexy). That and John C. McGinley is seriously hot.
Robin is just so... Robin. She has the wonder twins and the furkids and Manly Man (a definite bonus). Then, just to complete this already impossibly perfect package, she loves Kevin too.
See? How am I supposed to chose?

2. If you had 5 minutes with Kevin Spacey but could only ask him one question, what would it be?
Your place or mine?

3. What movie were you most surprised to find out you liked?
I'd probably have to go with Zoolander. I know most of you just groaned. I know isn't a totally lame movie. It's a guilty pleasure, what can I say? It makes me laugh in a totally "I don't have to think about this at all"/"I just want to watch something stupid and mindless" kind of way. But it was one of those movies I had decided I was going to hate and by the time the credits rolled I was sitting there going "So help me god, I actually liked it."

4. If you could live in any tv show which one would it be and why?
Star Trek (TNG). Hands down. How could I pick anything else? Food processors, transporters, most diseases eliminated, holodeck, alien planets, Picard, Data, Riker, Q and the list goes on. There's almost nothing that I don't love about it and way too much cool shit to pass up.

5. What is the first movie you remember?
Remember seeing? That's really hard because I have a serious problem trying to put event in chronological order.
At home I would probably say The Secret of Nimh or Donald in Mathmagic Land (yes, I still have a copy of both).
In the theatre, I clearly remember going to see The Little Mermaid with my mom, aunt and cousin (for some reason I'm sure my grandma was there too).

Happy Birthday, Janna!!!

Since it's your birthday I got you this super awesome Trek cake! I know, I know, I shouldn't have. But I couldn't resist.
Hope it's a good one lady. You deserve it.

This Post Has Nothing To Do With Dinosaurs

It mostly has to do with me pimping other sites for no real reason other than boredom. That and if other people go to use these sites they will be less likely to go tits up so I can continue enjoying them. Then everyone wins, right?
Anyway, if you were a fan of MST3K you simply must go to Riff Trax. Go now, spend a few dollars, laugh your ass off. Jurassic Park is by far the best one I've seen so far. (Damn, now the title of this post is a lie!) If you weren't a fan of MST3K, what the fuck are you doing here? Go away and come back when you've grown a sense of humour.
Next up and I was really hesitant to share this because I don't want every book I'm interested in being stolen away from me (I know what you fucking jackals are like) is Mini Book Expo (for bloggers). A site where they give you free books in exchange for your review of the books. FREE BOOKS! I think those are my two favourite words. (If any of you get your hands on I (heart) Geeks I would love to get a look at it when you're done.)
And last but certainly not least, Robin has been having a bad week. Please be sure to stop by and tell her just how lovely and wonderful she is. Because sometimes you just need a hug or at very least, someone to say nice things about you and type "HUGZ!"