Road signs aren't just decoration, honest

If nothing else, you should at least know by now that other drivers are one the biggest contributing factors in my almost constant annoyance with people in general. This feeling hasn't lessened with time. Oh no, it's gotten worse.
Most street signs don't even have words on them (based on my observations, I have to assume most people must be illiterate) and the few that you actually have to read consist mostly of numbers. Those funny white signs with the black numbers, my dear idiots, are the posted speed limits for that street. That means if the sign has a big 70 printed on it you should be going 70 kph.
I'm not going to argue with anyone who wants to go a little faster (so long as he's not riding my ass because I'm not willing to do 90 in a 70 zone). What pisses me off are the people doing 50 or (please, no!) less.
I bring this all up because a major street near here has finally had its speed limit pushed up to 70. I was overjoyed by the change and so were a lot of people (especially those of us who were doing 70 along that strip anyway). Unfortunately the joy was quickly replaced with annoyance and, at this point in time, getting damned close to rage.
Before the speed limit change most everyone was already going 70 along there. Now that it's legal everyone's doing 50. It's like reverse psychology for drivers and I'm left screaming "What the Fuck!?". Trust me, the police aren't just fucking with you! You've all gone long past the "grace period" when people might not have been sure about the change, now it's time to speed the fuck up. You're all making me fucking crazy.
Please, for my sanity's sake, could you at least try to reach the speed limit?
The gas is the one on the right.

That's right, I'm the normal one

I said last time that there's something wrong with both me and Naiomi, that statement is still true, but I've come to realize that Naiomi is way more fucked up than me.
I was just telling Naiomi that I posted our whole talk from the other night. It went a little something like this:

Me: I posted our conversation from the other night.

Naiomi: Which one?

Me: About cocks.

Naiomi: What?

Me: When that guy cut us off and it turned into a conversation about sucking one's own cock.

Naiomi: (laughing) Oh yeah.

Me: I still think that's wrong.

Naiomi: What are you talking about? If I had a cock and could suck it, I'd never leave the house.

Me: Sweet Jesus.

Naiomi: I'd probably spit though.

I think there's something wrong with us

Naiomi and I went to see X3 yesterday and on the way home we got to chatting. Nothing specific, just shooting the shit. After that chat I'm pretty sure we should both seek counseling, normal people shouldn't have these kinds of conversations.
A guy cut us off in traffic... it evolved in to this:

Me: I hope that guy chokes on a cock.

Naiomi: I hope he chokes on his own cock.

Me: Now that would really be something... unless he's like Ron Jeremy or something.

Naiomi: Yeah, then it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Me: That just made me think of that whole Manson rumor.

Naiomi: With the ribs?

Me: Yeah. It kills me that people actually bought that whole rumor about Marilyn Manson having ribs removed so he could suck his own dick.

Naiomi: And Pam Anderson, so her waist would be smaller.

Me: How fucking stupid do you have to be to believe that doctors would just remove ribs at random?

Naiomi: Well it's not like you need them or anything.

Me: Why the hell would you want to suck your own dick anyway?

Naiomi: You could get head whenever you want.

Me: Ribs or no ribs, I don't think you'd be able to reach anyway.

Naiomi: Sure, now you're gonna try and tell me about internal organs and shit... pfft.

Me: I still think that sucking your own dick sounds wrong.

Naiomi: Maybe you really like the taste of your own pee.

Me: (Laughing.)

Naiomi: Man I wish we had a tape recorder.

Me: I'm really glad we don't.

From me to you 12

Haven't done one of these in some time, so here's another installment for the masses.

- Humid bathroom + cloth drapes = moldy drapes. Ew. (Just trust me on this one)

- If you produce a program that needs to be registered over the phone, maybe make sure that the activation section is opperational once and a while. Like lets say one of those days within the 15 day time limit given.

- Don't complain about my pets. They live here, you don't. I love them and you're replaceable. Understand?

- Cream foundation is meant for news anchors and television actors, not for street wear. If you're applying make-up like fucking spackle, you're doing it wrong.

- Your foundation should be the same colour as your skin. Colour match at your jaw line, not your fucking hair line. People with "clown face" should be smacked by everyone who has to look at that shit.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Monday's my birthday.
Tomorrow I'm going to get drunk.
Naiomi got me the awesomest present. A red swingline stapler.
I'm such a fucking nerd.

(Heather is doing that Pooh cross stitch for my birthday because it made me laugh. If you can't read it, it says "P is for Pooh, the best kind of friend". I asked her if she could add a steamy coil of poo at his feet. I hope she does.)

I should have done this 2 years ago (or, Now we have a place to gossip)

I finally got myself a water cooler for my house and I've gotta say, I'm pretty freakin happy about it.
Cold water that doesn't taste like shit that was shit out by someone who's been drinking nothing but lake water for 3 years and then shit out this shitty water. It's a fucking miracle.
I also found a company that gave me a cooler for free, with a room temp and cold tap. So if anyone's asking I'd suggest Rainsoft, because so far I'm super happy.
Water, Fuck yeah!

(On a completely unrelated note - blogger thought that Freakin should be replaced with foreskin.)

Dear Stupid Lady:

Would you kindly get the hell out of my way!
Although your appearance would indicate otherwise you can't possibly be stupid enough not to notice that I'm trying to work. Trust me, it won't kill you to stand aside for 5 fucking seconds so I can do my job. The movies will all still be there when I'm done.
What fucking planet are you from that shoving someone out of the way to see what's on a goddamned trolley is acceptable behaviour!? And for fuck sakes, I've said it before, standing half a goddamned foot away from me is not going to get me to work any faster. Seriously.
So if you wouldn't mind, could you please pull your dull witted head out of your fat ass and try and act like a human being for just a little while.

Your's in aggrivation,
-Gwenhwyfar

Quiz time... again

I found this quiz on another blog somewhere. No, I don't know where, but I'm bored so I'm filling it out.
Here's the deal - it's all answered with songs from my computers music library. I didn't pick them. You set iTunes or whatever to random and anwer the questions with the songs as they come up. You follow?
Yeah, I'm just that exciting. (And my music collection is just that great.)

---------------------------------------------------

Will I get far in life?
Dead like me - Stewart Copeland

How do my friends see me?
Old Souls - Paul Williams

Where will I get married?
Wake me up when September ends - Green Day

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Self Esteem - Offspring

What is the story of my life?
Incence and Peppermint - Strawberry Alarmclock

What was high school like?
Dust in the Wind - Kansas

How can I get ahead in life?
Immigrant Song - Led Zepplin

What is the best thing about me?
Faust - Paul Williams

How is today going to be?
Don't let me be misunderstood - Santa Esmerelda

What is in store for this weekend?
My Mood Swings - Elvis Costello

What song describes my parents?
Lime in the Coconut - Harry Nilsson

My grandparents?
The Man in Me - Bob Dylan

How is my life going?
Drunken Lullabies - Flogging Molly

What song will they play at my funeral?
Special to Me - Paul Williams

How does the world see me?
Nobody fucks with the Jesus / Salty Dog - Flogging Molly

Will I have a happy life?
Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) - Kenny Rogers & the First Edition

What do my friends really think of me?
Selfish Man - Flogging Molly

Do people secretly lust after me?
Twilight - Squirrel Nut Zippers

How can I make myself happy?
Don't fear the reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

What should I do with my life?
Goodnight moon - Shivaree

Will I ever have children?
Death Valley Queen - Flogging Molly

What is some good advice?
The Hell of it - Paul Williams

What is my signature dancing song?
Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson

What do I think my current theme song is?
The Suits are picking up the bill - Squirrel Nut Zippers

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Tom's Dinner - Suzanne Vega

What type of men/women do you like?
Carry me, Carrie - Dr. Hook

Just for a moment...

...I need to be serious. It's something I try not to do too much, but just for right now I have to be.
I've been seeing lots of my doctor since late last year, I went for a routine check-up and wound up with a kidney specialist. A few months ago they sent me for a biopsy (I'm skimming over lots, but trust me, the details are boring). On Tues. I went back to the specialist to find out when the biopsy showed.
When I went in the morning, I wasn't feeling too bad. For once in my life I wasn't worried to the point of being sick.
The waiting room changed that.
I got there early and sat waiting for what seemed like forever.
I hate doctors and a waiting room is the last place I want to be. The room was crowded, which made things worse. Mostly old people and I sat thinking that I didn't want to be one of them - the sick people I mean, one of those people who needs a specialist.
I wanted to be 21 and healthy and not have to worry about this shit. I didn't want to think about how many times this situation could be repeated, me sitting here waiting with the other sick people, to hear what the doctor has to say this time. I didn't want to think about how it could get so much worse, how I could end up one of those people that others see and feel sorry for, one of those people you just know is sick, one of those people with the permanently scared look in their eyes, one of those people who has to face their mortality.
Instead, after finally getting in to see the doctor, I'm told that I have a kidney disease.
MPGN.
I don't know what that means, really I still don't.
He doesn't want to talk about the long term.
I tell him that's too bad, because we're going to talk about it.
He tells me that there's no real treatment.
Great.
But it could work itself out.
Better.
Or it could go on like this forever.
Wonderful.
Or the condition could worsen and I could end up in kidney failure. 10 maybe 20 years he says.
Swell.
He also tells me to loose some weight, that pisses me off, but he might as well hit me while I'm down - right?
I leave his office feeling sick and angry and confused. I don't understand most of what he tells me. I meet up with a friend of mine and I laugh it off. No big deal. I'm sure it'll be fine. I still feel sick.
I move on. I try not to think about it and just move on.
Today my uncle's girlfriend tells me she has the same thing. She developed it as a result of lupus. She tries to make me feel better, give me some advise. It doesn't work, it's not her fault, it just doesn't work. I feel worse. Although she tells me a whole lot more than the doctor ever did.
I need to make a lot of changes. Start drinking lots of water, cut out salt, no alcohol (I still plan on drinking on my birthday). I won't fix the problem, but she says it will help.
They told her she could make it to her late 60's... she's older than I am. That would make me 40.
I always said I never thought I'd make it past 40.
Even my life line has a huge break in it near the end, if you buy in to that sort of thing.
She also tells me that transplants have a 90% rejection rate. I know she's just giving me the facts and that it's true, it just doesn't make me feel any better about it.
I feel like I've been handed a death sentence.
I can work at it and make things easier, but it still isn't good.
It scares me more than I can say to think that my cats may out live me.
I wonder if I should bother saving to buy a house.
Maybe I won't need it.
I suppose I could save, if worse comes to worse, at least there'll be money for a coffin.
Maybe it'll be fine. Maybe I shouldn't worry.
I just wanted to be like everyone else.
Just this once.
I guess you don't always get what you want.

Quiz time

Jay, over at the incredibly lame blog posted this quiz on his site, and since I'm being real creative this morning I'm also posting it.
Here goes nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------


Do you bite your nails?: Some times, but I try not to.
Can you roll your tongue?: Yes
Can you raise one eyebrow?: Yes, either one.
Can you blow smoke rings?: Indeed I can.
Can you blow spit bubbles?: Nope
Can you cross your eyes?: Yep
Tattoos?: Not yet.
Piercing and where? Just my septum.
Do you make your bed daily?: Hahahahahahaha.... no
Which shoe goes on first?: It's not something I do on purpose, but the right one usually goes on first.
Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: Honestly, who throws a shoe?
What jewellery do you wear 24/7?: 2 rings (left hand: Superman. right hand: Celtic braid) and a wrist band
Would you rather be on time and look OK or 10 minutes late and look great?: There's nothing I hate more than being late.
Favourite piece of clothing: My heavy machinery shirt. Don't ask why, I don't know.
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: Who the fuck cuts spaghetti?
How many cereals in your cabinet? At least five. I like variety.
What utensils do you use to eat pizza?: Utensils? what the fuck? What the hell do you think fingers are for?
Do you cook?: Yep

How often do you brush your teeth?: Every day
How often do you shower/bathe?: Daily, though days off often get neglected if I plan on spending the day in my pj's on the couch.
How long does your shower last?: 5-10 minutes

Do you swear?: Fuck yeah
Do you ever spit?: Yeah, I'm such a lady

Do you use an alarm clock?: Yeah, but I always wake up before it goes off.
Ever suntanned nude? No, but I have an awesome graveyard tan.
Window seat or aisle?: Window, I hate fucking aisle seats.
What's your sleeping position?: on my side usually, sometimes my stomach
Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: Absolutely not
Do you snore?: I'm normally sleeping when that would be going on.
Do you sleepwalk?: Nope
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No, I have two cats. I don't need stuffed animals

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Attitude then eyes.
WHICH IS BETTER... *Coke or Pepsi?: Pepsi...then PC Key lime cola...then water...then milk...then spoiled milk...then Coke.
Oranges or apples?: Oranges
One pillow or two?: 2
Pools or hot tubs?: Pool
Blondes or brunettes?: I'm not picky, but it seems like I'm doomed to marry a redhead
Tall or short?: taller than me but not a giant
Beach or pool: either
Hamburger or Cheeseburger?: Veggi burger
Morning or night?: Night.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?: Halloween
Cake or ice cream?: Ice cream cake
Dog or Cat?: Both
Bath or shower?: Shower

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...
Took a shower?: Yesterday
Watched Bambi?: years ago
Talked on the phone: Last night
Read a book? about an hour ago
Punched someone? Yesterday

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Not here
Who are you going to be married to?: Married? who are you kidding?

Name Game '06

Dan from www.planetdan.net is doing the Name Game thing again.
You can fill out entries here ---> http://www.planetdan.net/junk/names/06/planetdan_namegame_06.txt
The deadline is May 7th, so join the fun while you can.

(Not so) Exciting News!

Kill the body now has a sister site. It's not really all that exciting , but you can check it out here. It's a work in progress and you can feel free to add your own shit.

Point of interest

I found this site today. I think it's great, so I'm sharing it.
Enjoy.

That whole "Freedom" thing again (or, excuse my rant)

Jesus Christ on Crutches! I am getting so sick and tired of the over zealous, self-righteous, loud mouthed religious right walking around thinking that the rights and freedoms in this country serve and protect only them.
I've said it before and because of these assholes I'll say it a million more times, THEY PROTECT EVERYONE! That's EVERYONE, in case you didn't catch that, including people you don't agree with!
I bring this up because my brother just relayed a story to me and I couldn't help but be annoyed (if you hadn't noticed already). He was telling me that on Monday he and a friend were out for wings at a near by restaurant. He and his friend were minding their own business when their waitress came to their table. She tells them that another patron had sent her over to inform my brother's friend that his shirt is offensive (religiously offensive). They tell her that it really isn't her job to be playing messenger and to tell the complaining patron that they don't care, freedom of religion. She did. The patron then starts going on about how they "shouldn't be allowed out in public", the waitress tells him she's not passing messages any more.
At this point in the story I was annoyed. What kind of douchbag sends a waitress over with messages like that? And where does he get off saying my brother and his friend shouldn't be allowed out in public? Fuck you, guy.
Then my brother goes on to tell me that this guy, not having his personal messenger any more, decides to walk over to their table and harass them some more. He tells them that he's going to speak to the manager and have them banned from the restaurant and how they must think they're real clever hiding behind their freedom of religion.
Well sir, you seem to be doing a pretty good job of it yourself.
We're back on the subject of freedoms. Freedom of speech, freedom of choice, freedom of expression, freedom of religion, freedom, freedom, freedom.
And I want to get one thing straight - I'm not mad at this guy because he was offended. It's his right as a human being to feel offended. This guy pisses me off because he thinks that his rights outweigh my brother's or his friend's. He pisses me off because he feels it's his right to harass people around him, in public, based on his religious beliefs. He pisses me off because he would say something like "they shouldn't be allowed in public". (Yeah, I know I'm repeating that one - but that really pissed me off.)
That's right asshole, you're out in public. Where does it say that you're guaranteed not to be offended by anything, ever, out in public?
And wait just one second - I though your religion was supposed to be about acceptance and forgiveness and loving your fellow man (so long as it's not that "gay" kind of lovin'), turn the other cheek and all that. Oh, shit, sorry. I forgot, those pleasantness only extend to you fellow "christian man". Heathens and blasphemers don't count. You can shit on them all you like. Right? 'Cause we're going to hell anyway.
Fuckin' jerkoff.

God Damn!

I'm sick. Again.
Two lung infections inside of three months is really not cool and I'm getting really tired of being sick.
Stupid everything.

From me to you 11

If you're afraid of something, rational or not, and someone tells you you're being stupid or that "it's not that bad" - Punch them. Do it for me. Crack them right in the face. They obviously aren't afraid of anything and have no idea what it's like to be in the midst of a panic attack. These people aren't human and should be dealt with harshly.

If your kid is screaming at top volume for more that 3 or 4 minutes, in public maybe it's time go. Babies can't tell you how tired of shopping they are, so they scream and yet somehow this seems to escape a lot of parents. Trust me, I caught the message. About an hour and a half ago. There is nothing you need so badly as to be tourturing your kid and every person in the store.

You offically know someone too well when you find yourself in the bathroom helping them Nair their back.

Hospitals suck. A lot.

Seriously, what the hell? pt. 2

Maybe I should write about work more often. I like my job, but it gives me reason to vent more often than I would like.

I was at work a few days ago and this horrid woman and her voluminous daughter came up to look at the CDs and spoken word. (I was shelving CDs.) They proceeded to have a conversation along these lines... (keep in mind these people were 5 feet away from me and well within earshot. Not being deaf or blind I could see and hear them just fine. They apparently think the world works like a cartoon and no one but the person you're talking to will hear you.)

Gross Daughter: MooOOooom! Who's the man called Cash?

Gross Mother: Who?

GD: The man called Cash. Who is that?

GM: Johnny Cash.

GD just stares at her blankly.... kind of like a hippo in headlights.

(At this point I was ready to throw myself down the escalator.)

GD: (Standing directly across from me and looking at me) I can't find what I want! (I make a point of not looking up or responding because I have a policy about acknowledging people who don't address me civilly.)

GM: What do you want?

GD: Some Stephen King or something.

GM: (indicating me, by pointing) Maybe she knows something.

("I know you're a stupid manner-less bitch." I think to myself.)

GD: You want me to, like, go and ask her? (By the tone of her voice you'd think she was the queen of France making reference to some who cleans the shitter.)

Now I could have looked up from my work and asked them what they needed help with, but this level of rudeness doesn't inspire me to be overly helpful or friendly. If she wanted help she'd have to use her words like a big girl, and god help her if she doesn't say please.
She eventually did come and ask for assistance, she didn't say please and I didn't try very hard.
I walked her over to the shelves she could have easily checked herself and found nothing for her. I wasn't going to spend time digging for anything either. I also wonder why she wants it in spoken word. She's not visually impaired. My bet is she can read anything with more than 4 letters, Stephen King's out of her league, Dick and Jane's more her speed.
Then to top it all off, she actually walked away from me as I was trying to find what she was looking for. I took longer than her ten second attention span could stand.
Some people should be forced in to sterilization programs.

Seriously, what the hell?

I work in a library. It's one of those places that's been stereotyped in countless movies through the years, generally shown as a quiet place, full of quiet, well mannered people and stern, bespectacled, bun wearing, librarian silence Nazis. This is, unfortunately, far from the truth. In reality it's full of loud mouthed, rude, impatient people who have no where better to be (or no where period) and no librarians shushing anyone, ever.
It's not the noise of the people I'm opposed to. What do I care if people want to talk at a reasonable level? What I have an issue with is the rude and impatient people.
We have a decent size movie collection where I work, both VHS and DVD. Part of what I do is reshelving these when they are returned. We put all the movies in order on the trolly, push it out on the floor and put them away. Doesn't sound to hard, does it? It shouldn't be, but that just isn't the way when the vultures are out.
You walk out into a crowd of people who all want a look at what you've got. They tear apart the trolly you just spent 10 minutes sorting out and will quite literally push you out of the way. It's frustrating and on more than one occasion I've wanted to smash some one over the head with a box set. (It definitely doesn't help that a lot of these people have needed a shower since 1982.)
I was one of those days yesterday.
When I shelve DVDs I grab as many as I can and empty or not, 50+ cases are awkward to work with. With my load of DVDs I made my way to their section, just as I set down the first one I hear the one thing I never want to hear in this situation - "Oooh! I got hear just in time." The woman is standing just behind me, if I take a half-step back I'll bump into her. She's not moving either. I can smell her awful perfume and feel her breathing down my neck. I know her type, I deal with them all the time, and they make me angry every time.
She's one of those people who doesn't think I'm a person, who doesn't care that I'm trying to do my job, who's too fucking self-involved to notice something like personal space when it mean she might not get everything she wants. I'm also willing to bet that she's also one of the messies, one of those people who pull everything off the shelf and leave a huge mess for me to clean up.
I try to concentrate on my work. She follows my every move. My shadow gives me more breathing room. I want to scream at her. "Get the fuck away from me!" I set a DVD down, she picks it up - and replaces it in the wrong spot. She saw me put it away, she knows where it belongs, she doesn't care. She's a messy.
I finish off my armful and go back for more. Someone's gotten at the trolly already, animals. They've made a mess of it and I have to try and sort it out again. By the time I get back to the DVDs there are two of them, Ms. Messy and now a Mr. Messy, great. The woman goes back to following me, the guy just stands in my way and I have to work around him - but don't worry, it's not like I'm a person or anything.
My new armload isn't sorted perfectly so I end up having to bounce back and forth from section to section, Ms. Messy has become even more annoying by standing to damned close as well as getting in my way.
I finish off the DVDs as quickly as I can. They're still destroying the entire section when I leave.
I put away the VHS. Less people want VHS, less people bother me. There are a few questions, none that are headache inducing, one asshole who's wearing enough cologne for five or six people (which is definitely headache inducing), and one really creepy guy who's looking a little to long at the pregnancy/baby videos.
When I'm done I notice that the assholes at the DVDs are done so I go back an straighten up. The trolly took me 15 minutes to put away, it takes me another ten just to sort out the mess they made. Fuck.
What the fuck is wrong with people these days that they can't wait 5 minutes for me to do my job? I'm not going to start working faster because you're standing in my fucking way and I'm certainly not going to help you out if you can't do something as basic as respect my personal space.
I'm at work, that doesn't make you any more important than me. Treat me like a person you dumb fuck and I might try to help you out.

More garbage no one really needs to know.

Apparently the #1 song when I was born was "Let's Hear It for the Boy" by Deniece Williams.
You can check out this site to find out yours.
God bless technology

Take that, person I don't know!

I have to write something about this because it's chapping my ass. Read it, don't, whatever. (trust me, from here on out It's gonna get messy...)
Hostel may or may not be the worst movie ever made, it doesn't matter.
One of the rights we have in this country is the right to freedom of speech and, I will also point out, so is the freedom of choice. Unfortunately some people seemed to forget that whole choice thing and then condemn freedom of speech when they see something they don't like.
I'm fucking sick of these people who go to a movie that has clearly been rated to indicate offensive content and then bitch because the content was, indeed, offensive. In this case, even the trailer warned against excessive violence and gore and told viewers outright to see another movie. And still these fuck-wits pay the admission only to walkout a mere ten minutes later.
It's a horror movie and billed as nothing but, what the hell were you expecting? Lollipops and puppies?
Now you're bitching because you were stupid enough, despite all the warning signs, to pay to see the movie and the movie theater won't refund your money? Aw, muffin. (At very least I would hope that this experience has taught you to be a more careful consumer.)
Oh, but what's this you say? You knew it was a horror movie? You didn't see any of the trailers that were playing at every possible commercial break for months? You didn't read anything about this movie before going to see it? You saw the R rating and ignored it because "lots of movies get R ratings"? Oh well then... Blow me, dumbass!
And I could even let all of this go, if it weren't for one little thing.
You think the movie was shit (oh, sorry. The ten minutes you actually saw), so no one should be allowed to see it.
Horse shit!
Freedom of speech is a bitch like that, it's there for everyone. You start putting limits on it and where does it stop? It has to protect everyone or it doesn't protect anyone.
Maybe you should go spend some time in a country where there is no freedom of speech and then come back and bitch about how bad we've got it here with all this freedom. Come back and tell us how much fun Fascim is.
Until then, could you kindly fuck off.