Harder Than It Looks

35

This stupid thing seems really easy, but when the timer started my brain froze.

Excellent

Aside from being just a straight up awesome ad for something that I think very highly of, this ad has been honoured with some fantastic awards.

WTF?

I can't be the only one that noticed this. I just can't.

Tagged? What The Hell?

I believe this is the first time anyone has tagged me, ever. So I guess the honour of taking my tagging virginity goes to Mr. Fab. Well done, Sir. I'll be walking funny for days, I'm sure. You're the jizziest.
On to the meme.

Here are the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. My taste in music can be a little strange and I find that peoples expectations of what my musical taste should be varies greatly from person to person. However almost everyone has been surprised that I'm a fan of Elvis, Roy Orbison, Harry Belafonte, Blondie and Johnny Cash.

2. I'm really competitive and I love to win. Don't give me that "isn't not whether you win or lose" bullshit. If winning wasn't important then why keep score? I'm not just in it to win it, I'm in it to crush you and then grind you in to the dust. (This attitude gets much worse when I'm competing with a guy.)

3. Despite what most people think, I'm actually pretty easily pleased and made happy. It's just that I am also easily angered and annoyed. The simplest explanation is that I'm emotional.

4. If you don't want an honest answer or you want a sugar coated truth, don't ask me. Seriously, you're just going to be annoyed, pissed off or hurt by what I have to say if you ask. And I'm not interested in your whinny bullshit when answer your fucking question.

5. I worry about everything. All the time. And I'm prone to panic attacks. When I'm in the middle of one it's not fun for anyone.

6. I can't stand driving without the radio or a cd playing. Unless someone is in the car with me. I turn it off as soon as anyone else gets in the car because I hate trying to talk over the music.


Alright I know that at least two of these people have been tagged already but I don't care.

- Robin
- Adam
- Bron
- Janna
- Michelle
- Blue

It's Too Fucking Cold To Be Creative

Yesterday was just lovely, what with the blizzard-like conditions. Today isn't looking like it's going to be much better, starting off at about -45. So it is officially too fucking cold for me to even attempt creativity. That and my everything hurts because I slept weird last night.
I haven't done one of these in a while (this particular meme, not memes in general), so here is the soundtrack to my life, for now anyway.

Here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Heaven is in your mind - Traffic (starting off on a good note, pardon my pun)

Waking Up: Dried up, tied and dead to the world - Marilyn Manson (things went down hill pretty quickly there)

First Day At School: The Reflecting God - Marilyn Manson (This is pretty fitting actually)

Falling In Love: You've got to hide your love away - The Beatles (I wish I could say I was surprised.)

Fight Song: I did it my way - Elvis Presley (this is quite possibly the worst fight song ever.)

Breaking Up: Apple of Sodom - Marilyn Manson and Rasputina (Honest, I don't have that much Manson in my iTunes)

Prom: It's a man's world - James Brown (Don't ask, I have no idea what that means)

Life: Thank you for the venom - My Chemical Romance (sadly, this fits all too well)

Mental Breakdown: Helena - My Chemical Romance (Yeah, I could see that)

Driving: Waitress - Cloud Cult (it's got a pretty good driving beat. I could dig that)

Flashback: A Sunday kind of love - Dinah Washington (good grief)

Getting Back Together: The man comes around - Johnny Cash (I believe this is iTunes way of telling me "when hell freezes over")

Wedding: Rita Sue and Jonesy - Jeff Beal (It's from the Carnivale soundtrack and it's actually really pretty, but kind of sad)

Birth of Child: Love Train - Wolfmother (uh... yeah... weird)

Final Battle: Woman - Wolfmother (not a bad final battle song as far as the beat, but the content makes it a little strange)

Death Scene: Minnie the moocher - Cab Calloway (Um, okay. Maybe Bertie Wooster gets me in the end.)

Funeral Song: Amazing Life - Jem (The weird part is that I probably would have picked it if I'd had a choice. It's one of a couple that I like.)

End Credits: You spin me right round - Orgy (This wouldn't have been something I would have picked, but it works for me.)

No, It's Not A Girl Thing

Does anyone have $500 that they would be willing to give me? Because I really, really, really want these...

I'm going to take this moment to point out that I am NOT a "shoe person". In all honesty I own 4 pairs of shoes and only wear the one pair all the time. I don't see the point in owning hundred of pairs of shoes. I only have the one pair of feet. But I am in love with these boots.
I should mention that they are made by Motor Cowboy, makers of kick ass boots. Seriously, if I strike it rich these guys are going to benefit. If you have already struck it rich, you should check them out. Because as much as I love their shit, it ain't cheap.

Allow Me To Explain

Hello my dear troglodytes, gather 'round whilst I clear up a little matter. It seems some of you may have missed a memo or something.
If you rack up over $300 in fines at the library by, let's say losing ten items, you can dispute it until the end times and it's not going to go through. Got that? Because, you fuckwit, no one in their right mind is going to go "Oh, it's only $300 worth of our shit they lost, but they've got a really good reason so I'll just wipe it off their file! La-dee-da!" And waiting a couple of months to come in and get a new card doesn't magically make the computer forget that you LOST TEN ITEMS.
How fucking stupid do you think I am? Or the whole fucking system for that matter? The whole world isn't out to get you sweetheart, you're not that fucking important. You are, however, a useless waste of skin who is taking up far too much of everyone's time and energy with your douche baggery, your bullshit and your pathetic attempt to work the system.
I don't give a shit what your sob story is. It's about time that you realize that out here in the real world you're actually expected to take responsibility for your fuck ups. That you can and will be held accountable. That there isn't always someone or something you can pass the blame on to. And you should really get it through your thick fucking skull that there are people out there who just don't fucking buy it, not one second of it.
Don't get me wrong now, this isn't just about library fines. You've annoyed me because it's not just the library where this kind of bullshit goes on. Any system designed to help people who are genuinely in need of it is continually plagued by your sort. People who feel that they are owed something. Not that they've ever contributed to anything, ever. Just that the cosmos owe them something, everything, anything that they want. It makes me fucking sick.
People like you leech of the system and suck it dry. You make it impossible for the truly helpless to get anything. You turn people who really do want to help in to bitter, jaded shadows with no charity left. You drag everyone around you down in to the shit instead of trying to lift yourself out of it. Worst of all you pass that same disgusting attitude toward life on to your children, making sure we've always got a fresh crop of leeches to suck us all dry.
So you'll excuse me when I say fuck you and stay the fuck away from me.

Happy Birthday Adam!

Today is a very special day. It's Adam's birthday. So go to his site and give him you wishes, presents, cash, food, whatever you may have on hand.
And now, here's a song.

FYI

I've added new links. Mostly because both of these loverly ladies have said nice things about me recently. Which is really all you have to do to win my affections. Go check them out now.

That's Gonna Leave A Mark

You know what'll put a damper on your day? Getting a giant splinter jammed in to your heel. I can't say whether or not prior knowledge that it is going to happen helps at all. But I can tell you the a surprise stabbing sucks. A lot. The following need to dig said piece of wood out of the foot with a pin also sucks. A lot. And finally, the continued pain throughout the day and night - you guessed it - sucks. A lot.
All in all, it's not something I could, in good conscience, suggest you try. Which may or may not have something to do with the throbbing pain in my heel that spreads out to my toes and up to my knee.
Let me conclude by saying "ow".
owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

Happy Birthday Kelly!

I Always Thought I Should Have A Slogan

Or at least a surgeon general's warning. Unfortunately this site only does slogans. So here they are. Be sure to have shirts, buttons, banners and what not made up to spread the word of Gwenhwyfar awesomeness!

- Gwenhwyfar - be ready.

- Step into the light with Gwenhwyfar.

- The Gwenhwyfar man.

- The best Gwenhwyfar in the world.

- Gwenhwyfar, the original.

- Gwenhwyfar inside you.

- My way is Gwenhwyfar.

- The ideal Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar, to hell with the rest.

- Gwenhwyfar is a never ending story.

- For the love of Gwenhwyfar.

- There is no life without Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar - be prepared.

- The Gwenhwyfar universe.

- Firstclass Gwenhwyfar!

- Nobody doesn't like Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar nonstop.

- Gwenhwyfar makes your day.

- Gwenhwyfar - it's like heaven!

- Gwenhwyfar is good for you.

- I love Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar, the freshmaker.

- And on the eighth day, god created Gwenhwyfar.

- The magic of Gwenhwyfar.

- You can't stop Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar. Making people sucessful in a changing world.

- The Queen of Gwenhwyfar.

- Think different, think Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar only.

- 3... 2... 1... Gwenhwyfar.

- When you say Gwenhwyfar you've said it all.

- Don't get in the way of Gwenhwyfar.

- I wish I was a Gwenhwyfar.

- Go far with Gwenhwyfar.

- There's only one true Gwenhwyfar!

$#*&!

God fucking shit hell damnit! My new fucking camera that I fucking love just fucking died because the fucking battery fucking crapped the fuck out. Which is just fucking peachy as it's a lithium fucking battery that cost $16 fucking dollars a fucking pop. So I called london fucking drugs to ask about rechargeable fucking batteries and the fucking things are fifty fucking dollars. Fuck! So I'm going to have to fucking wait until tomorrow to see if any other fucking place has them for less.
That wouldn't be so fucking bad if Kodak had any fucking sense and made the fucking camera so that when the fucking battery dies that it would shut itself the fuck off instead of leaving the fucking thing in the fucking on position, thus making it impossible to put the fucking cap on.
FUCK!

More Lazy Thievery

Sorry guys, I'm having a really not creative, completely lazy week. I can't even think of anything that pissed me off enough to rant about. At least nothing I haven't ranted about at length before. So I swiped this from Robin.

1. What would you do if your ex just showed up at your house right now?
Take my bat to his head and enjoy the fact that I have a rather long, hard, slippery set of stairs up to my door. Then leave him to freeze to death.

2. What describes your relationship status?
A lot of words that would make even the strongest spirit weep.

3. Where are you?
Physically? My bedroom. Mentally? In a dark and lonely void. Emotionally? Curled up in a corner crying.

4. Have you ever been called a bitch?
Only because it's true.

5. Would you do anything for someone else?
Anything? No. Most things? Probably. Actually I hate saying no unless I have a really good reason, so your chances are good.

6. What is your favorite animal?
Crows. I love them more than you and if you ever hurt one and I find out I swear by all that is unholy I will make you suffer before you die.

7. Who have you thought about most today?
Elliot

8. Are you a bad influence?
I'm not even going to try to deny it.

9. Color of your underwear?
Blue.

10. Honestly, what would you rather be doing right now?
I'd rather be in my huge mansion swimming in my oversized vault of money a la Uncle Scrooge while Kevin Spacey and Johnny Depp duel for my affections and Alan Rickman laughs at them both because he knows I love him.

About A Girl 2

- My face is crooked which annoys the hell out of me. It also makes it hell to get my glasses adjusted.

- I'm never unwilling to apologize when I hurt someone or if I've done someone wrong. But you will only ever get one "I'm sorry". If you can't accept that, then it's your problem, not mine. If I don't feel like I've done anything wrong you will get an apology without my accepting any actual responsibility. "I'm sorry your feeling were hurt" or "I'm sorry you feel that way". Don't expect anything more, you won't get it.

- I tend to laugh at inappropriate things or things other people don't find funny. This is a problem when people go to movies with me. I burst out laughing at Hannibal, during the lobotomy scene. If you're uptight about those things, it's best you don't take me anywhere public.

- If you get me started on a topic that I'm passionate about don't expect me to stay calm. It can't be done.

- I collect cookbooks. I have no idea why, but I love them. I have quiet a lot, from all over the place and from as far back as 1918. Chances are, if you need a recipe, I've got it or I can get it in no time. (For example, I have two recipes for gruel.)

There Needs To Be A Better Name For It

"Second cousin" just seems like such a crappy title. There has got to be something better. What am I talking about, you ask? I finally met the latest addition to the family. Little baby Data. I have to say though, I think someone at the hospital fucked up. The kid is not only TINY but also lacks any kind of tail, third eye, parasitic twin, abnormal body hair, etc. that one would expect from the spawn of Jay. However, she does do a pretty wicked impression of an old man.
We came to an understanding and so long as she holds up her end of the deal, I think we'll get along fine. I will continue to hold her in exchange for her continuing to not scream at me or projectile vomit on me. She is free to do either of those things to Jay, with all the force and vigor she can muster. But not me.
I also fully intend to teach her bad words, rude faces and to fill her full of sugar when no one is looking. Because, after all, what else is family for?
What's that? Not all family does that? Just me huh?
Okay, I can deal with that.
Now I just have to make the other two Star Trek uniforms.

Who Said Fridays Had To Be Creative

I swiped this from Adam because, well I've got nothing of my own right now.

Let’s make a band:
1. Band Name
The first article title is the name of your band.

2. Album Name
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3.Album Cover
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Now take your pic, add the band name and title to it, then post it.

Apparently I was born to be in a celtic band of some sort.


I think I actually like the second one I got better.

Like Drinking And Driving

Baking and blogging. Just don't do it. You think you've got a handle on things, but you're wrong. Bake for 10 minutes, yeah I can't do that. Wait... What's that burning smell? Oh. God. No.

These are the cookies of an attentive baker.


And these are the cookies of a blogger.

*They've been quarantined as you can see.

I know, it's not a pretty site. But let me be an example for the rest of you. Pay attention to your cookies.
(Lucky for me I have a grandpa that loves burnt baking. Seriously. I have cousins who will back me up on this one.)

Time To Say Goodbye

I've often been reminded that no one ever promised that life would be fair or easy. Which is probably for the best as it is riddled with unfairness, struggles, injustice, and sorrow. For every moment of joy, there is a moment of pain. For every moment of happiness that comes with with the first hello, there are the tears of the final goodbye. It's the balance of life.
It seems that no amount of experience or time ever softens the blow. Though I'm starting to understand that holding on to the happy memories rather than the sadness make the moments that follow a little easier. Knowing that the lessons learned and the impact made by that person will never be forgotten or taken for granted.
Goodbye will never be easy, so I'll hold on to the pieces I have and know that you're never really gone completely.

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. ~Marcel Proust

About A Girl

Okay, so after doing the Seven Weird Things post the other day I read a few different blogs all suggesting different ways to keep yourself writing. The consensus seems to be set daily features. Now as much as I'm not really down with a set schedule for every single day, but monday is normally a shit day anyway. So from now on I'm going to try to remember to do at least one of these. They may not all be weird, they may not all be exciting, but they will all be true.

- I have a tendency to eat some strange things, but I swear they're all delicious. Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, peanut butter on perogies, smoked eel, pickled herring, cheese wiz and raisins, etc.

- It takes a lot for me to say I hate a movie. I can usually find something I like about even the worst films. But if I do hate a film, I hate it a lot.

- I'm prejudiced against certain names. I know it's stupid but you have enough bad experiences with the same name, it kind of forms a mental block. Highest ranking for men, Scott and John. Highest for women, Amber and Tara.

- I hate wearing socks. I only wear them when I have to and when the need has passed they are the first things I ditch.

- I have a horrible tendency to walk around my house in my pajamas which, however sexy you may want to believe it is, is not. You obviously don't know enough single 20-somethings who own cats.

The Morning After

Last night was the big radio show with Mr. Fab and I must say, that was not just one butt load of fun. It was more like a dozen butt loads of fun. I only wish it had been longer. Somehow time and space don't matter during that show and it becomes the shortest hour ever.
We talked about child sized coffins, hinterlands who's who, my fear of hospitals and moths (which I found a kindred spirit in Mrs. Fab, at least on the moth issue), flying, japanese sex toys, where to keep a vibrator disguised as a vegetable, butt plugs, KFC, Canada and much more. I also got a chance to talk to Turnbaby, mistress of the sultry southern drawl and Robin, keeper of the American snow and a wicked hot lady to boot. Lynne called in too, but I talk to her all the time. So there.
Anyway, I had a blast. Thanks to everyone who listened, called in, came to check out the site, sat in the chat room, etc. And thanks again to Mr. Fab for having me on.

Oh, forgot to mention, if you missed the show you can still hear it in the archives.

The Big Reminder

Just in case you all forgot, I will be the guest on Mr. Fab's radio show tomorrow. That's 7pm EST. Don't ask me what that is your time, I haven't got a clue. Be there or be square, in fact be there and also be square.

Old City Cemetery

Yes, I know it's terribly goth of me but honestly I find the cemetery a very peaceful, relaxing place. It's where I go when I'm having a bad day or if I'm stressed. Odder still, the new cemetery doesn't do it for me at all (and this one is home to my great grandfather.)

Seven Weird Things

After watching Mr. Fab's video post I decided to take a crack at this meme. I'm kind of neurotic (and by "kind of" I mean "completely") and I have lots of weird habits, so I should be able to come up with seven, no prob. Let's see...

1. When I eat breakfast I have to take a sip of my drink (no matter what it is) before I eat any of the food. I usually do this at any meal, but I'm really picky about that one at breakfast. Don't ask me why. I have no fucking clue.

2. There are certain movies I HATE watching with other people. Not to say I hate those movies, not at all. In fact almost all of them are my favourite movies. Which may be why I hate watching them with other people. So don't ever ask if I want to watch Edward Scissorhands with you. The answer will almost certainly be no.

3. I can't stand sitting with my back to the room, even worse if I have my back to a door. I seriously can't deal with it. It makes me all jumpy and uncomfortable. If there is even a glimmer of hope that I can sit with my back to a wall I will take it. I'm pretty sure I was a mob boss in a past life.

4. Despite the fact that I work at the library, I buy a lot of books. I know I can get the same ones, for free, from work. But I like to own my books. Mostly because I want to be the first one to read them. That and I am the most anal retentive person in regards to the state of my books ( as well as DVDs and CDs) that I know. I take great pains to keep them looking the way they did the day I bought them. Which means if I catch you cracking the spines of my books I will do the same to you. (As you may have guessed, the list of people who are allowed to borrow my books is short and only getting shorter.)

5. I hate liars. I hate them more than I can put in to words. It is also one of the few things I cannot forgive. Ever. If you lie to me once it makes you a liar and I have to question everything you've ever told me and anything you may tell me. And I have absolutely no qualms with completely removing you from my life. No one is important enough to escape this judgement.

6. I talk to my cats. Yeah, I'm the fucking crazy cat lady, you got a problem with that!? Fuck you.

7. I never put my heat rub, migraine pills or MSM cream (for tendonitis) away because whenever I put them away I end up needing them. I don't know why, but it never fails. So I leave them out.

---------

Bonus:

8. Sharp knives must be washed and put away immediately after use. I don't do that with any other dishes (though I probably should), just the sharp knives. It actually bothers me a lot when someone uses my knives and then leaves them all dirty and crusted with gunk next to the sink.

9. When I buy a new season of any TV show on DVD I have to watch it all before I watch anything else. Which means I have watched no less than 15 seasons of various shows in a single sitting. (I did that with every season of M*A*S*H*.) I have no idea why, it's just something I do.

10. It's pointless for me to have more than one pair of shoes because when I find a pair of shoes I like, that's all I'm going to wear. No matter what the function or the weather. I will wear them until they die, I will mourn my shoes and then I will buy a new pair just to start the process over again.

More Pictures Of Stuff

I took these today, mostly just outside the city on a dirt road. For my money, I can't think of any way I would have rather spent the day.

Delicious Music

This really makes me want a snack, or at least a flute made out of a carrot.

I Have Nothing To Say

I'm sorry guys, I'm having one of those weeks where I'm not feeling funny. Or angry. Or anything. I just don't have anything worth saying. (Yeah, yeah, when do I ever?) So here's a brief update on what I've been up to or am going to be up to.

- I received my brand new PSP (gotta love christmas money) and despite what some cousins (who will remain Jay and G) may think, I love it a whole bunch. Definitely a step up from my old Gameboy. I also got a game, because what's the point of a new system without games? So I've been playing the new Beowulf game, which all-in-all, not a bad game at all. Now I just have to get a memory stick.

- I spent even more money in another rash move today when I ordered the Complete Jeeves and Wooster. I realize this makes me the biggest fucking nerd you've never met, but I love Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry more than I can say. I also love P.G. Wodehouse more than you. All of you. To my credit though, I did order it off Amazon and saved myself almost $60 (which I still can't fucking believe... what the fuck is Future shop trying to pull!? $145 my ass.)

- Everyone I sent packages to before christmas has now received them. No one has complained. I think my work is done.

- My friend Chris not only brought me a present from Japan, he brought me a fucking Bento Box with engrish! *squee!!!*

- Next week I will be guesting on Mr. Fab's radio show. I'm a little afraid, especially if you replace "a little" with "extremely". But anyone who knows Mr. Fab should be. Feel free to listen, but I'm not promising to be even remotely entertaining. I don't want you to get your hopes up and them be horribly disappointed.

Congrats!

Jay and Laura, congrats very much.

Thanks for taking the pressure off the rest of us for a while. (And when that runs out I'll just do like I usually do and tell them to talk to Reid.)

IT'S HERE!!!!!!

It's not often I check for mail (like actual mail type mail... you remember... a person delivers it to your house) and end up squealing like a schoolgirl and giggling like a maniac. But today, today was different. At first I was confused because, though the package had my name on it, I had no idea who it was from. Plain brown envelope, not a sender I recognized, I certainly wasn't expecting anything. Hmmm...
So I sliced it open and slid out a clear CD case that has become the highlight of my day, possibly my year.
SKULLMONKEYS! YAY!
I bought it off eBay ages ago and had been waiting long enough that I had stopped compulsively checking my mailbox every ten minutes. But now it's here and it's all mine!
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you should be ashamed of yourself. And once you've become sufficiently shamed you should seek out and play it because it is the greatest game in the world. (With the exception of the Neverhood.)

Now That Xmas Is Over

New Toy

After much bitching and complaining about my very old, very shit, very thrashed camera my parents got me a new one for Xmas. And my, is it ever spanky. I love it. A lot. Especially because after my parents gave it to me my mom realized that it's way better than hers and this is annoying the shit out of her. (Don't you all wish you could have wonderful children like me?)
Anyway, I should mention that I am not a photographer in even the broadest sense of the word. I don't know how I manage to do it, but I fuck up 99.9% of every picture I take. But I still do like having a camera because sometimes you just need to snap a picture of something. This camera makes me especially happy because it has a panoramic setting, which is something I love and it's something I know I can do reasonably well. (By that of course I mean the pictures don't look like they were taken by a drunken 5 year old.)
So here are a few pictures I took the night I got it.

Box Set Luck

Nearly every xmas for the last ten years I have had at least one box set on my list. And I normally get one from my parents or my brother. But for some reason Gwenhwyfar + xmas + box set = disaster. I don't get it. I buy box sets for myself throughout the year and never have a problem but come xmas, there is always something wrong. Most notably was last year.
My parents relented and bought me a Johnny Cash box set (they hate Johnny, the freaks). I, being the childish present opener I am, opened it right up. (Don't ask why I do that, I don't know. I just have to see the whole thing.) And inside... nothing. I really thought they were shitting me. No disks, no booklet, nothing. In fact the spots for the CDs were warped so they wouldn't have held any CDs even if they had been in there. (By the way, you try taking a box set back on boxing day and try to convince the guy at the returns counter that there were no disks in there.)
This year my bother bought me the entire series of The Young Ones and I was ecstatic. (if you haven't seen this show, you should. Two words - Rik Mayall.) Once again I cracked it open to take a look. And then I noticed something. Three disks. Disk two, disk two and disk three.
Crap.
I even tried the disks to see if it was a misprint or if they were fucking with me. No. Disk two, disk two and disk three.
Crap.
*Sigh* So we're going to take it back and exchange it.
Maybe I'll see if they can do something about my box set curse while I'm there.

To All My Friends,

I appreciate you all more than you will ever know. You have all at one time or another (whether you knew it or not) been the support I needed most. And I owe you all a thousand thanks.

Always,

-Gwenhwyfar

Saying It While You Can

I've heard it said a hundred times I'm sure. "Say it while you can." Tell the people you love that you love them. Tell the people that have helped you that they have made a difference. Tell the people who are important that they mean something to you. While you still can. Because you never know what tomorrow holds. Because if you don't, one day you'll find that you can't and nothing will fix the guilt you feel at never saying the words out loud.
Yesterday I found out that someone who was at one time a very important person in my life is dying. And as I have no real way of telling him in person I'm going to take this opportunity to say it, because I never took the time to tell him.
Thank you, Sir. For all the days I know you stayed late just to listen to me. For giving me someone to talk to. For making me feel important. You made some of the most painful years tollerable just by taking the time to learn my name and giving me the opprtunity to talk things out. From the first time I met you until the very last time I said good-bye you were nothing but supportive and understanding. Even when we both knew I was being selfish or childish you still validated what I was feeling. You gave me worth when I felt worthless.
I don't think you'll ever really know how much that meant to me, how much it still means to me. You helped me become a stronger person and I owe you more than I will ever be able to repay.
I am forever in your debt.

A Little Bit Of Holiday Stealin'

Not only am I being lazy, but I'm a thief. It's going to be a good day. (And apparently my iPod thinks I'm a lesbian who listens to too much cloud cult.)

Rules: Put your music player on shuffle, press forward for each question and use the song title as the answer.

What does next year have in store for me?
Hung up - Madonna

What's my love life like?
Peaches - Presidents of the USA

What do I say when life gets hard?
Scabs, Guns and Peanut Butter - Marilyn Manson

What do you think of on waking up?
Princess Bride - Cloud Cult

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Bad Timing - Blue Rodeo

What do you want as a career?
Lucky today - Cloud Cult

Your favorite saying?
Happy Hippo - Cloud Cult

Favorite place?
Cooking it up - James Asher

What do you think of your parents?
Fly me to the moon - Dinah Washington

What's your porn star name?
Management's Advice - Jeff Beal

Where would you go on a first date?
Blue Moon - Billie Holiday

Drug of choice?
I'm only happy when it rains - Garbage

Describe yourself.
Shoes - Kelly

What is the thing i like doing most?
Black Sunshine - White Zombie

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Diary of a dope fiend - Marilyn Manson

How will I die?
Best Friend - Cloud Cult

Who Loves Q?

I loves Q.

Just sayin'.

You're All Retarded, Right? Is That The Problem?

On my drive home from work (a whole 20 minute drive) I was nearly rear-ended no less than eight times. Why? Because some people seem to forget how to drive as soon as it snows and others didn't know how to drive in the first place.
If you can see the glare off the street, chances are that they're fucking icy, you stupid fuck. Didn't you clue in when you fish-tailed around the corner? There's a really good reason I'm doing 40. It fucking snowed all day and the roads are terrible.
But that's okay, you keep chatting on your goddamned cell phone and braking at the last possible goddamned second. It's okay that I can see you skidding toward me, pumping your fucking brakes because, hey, I was right. The roads are terrible. And please, by all means, you ride my fucking bumper for as long as you can. I know there are two lanes of traffic, but changing lanes is a lot of work. Right?
I'm sure you have somewhere really important to be, so it's perfectly okay with me.
I fucking hate people.

Dear Brett Ratner,

Hi there. Brett (may I call you Brett?) I think it's about time we had a little chat. I've been putting it off for quite a while now because I was angry. Really angry. And I needed some time to cool off, to collect my thoughts, so I wouldn't say a bunch of hurtful things I didn't really mean. If I'm going to say hurtful things I'd like to be able to mean what I say.
He's my problem Brett - X-men 3: The Last Stand.
Can I just ask you something and get it out of the way? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!? Seriously Brett, you were handed something good and awesome, with a fan base already in place, with the story already written wonderfully, with characters we all know and love. And you fucked it up. You fucked it up royally, my friend. I'm not sure how you managed to fuck it up so bad actually.
Didn't anyone mention the comics before you started making the movie? Or the other two films? Because it seems an awful lot like you weren't aware of either. At first I though that the movie played out like you have just kind of flipped through the comics to get the general drift and then tried to put together the rest for yourself. But after some time and consideration I have to admit that even if you had flipped through the comics, ignoring the fact that there are actual words in with those pretty pictures, you would have gotten closer to the mark. As it stands, you not only missed the mark, you missed the planet that the mark is on. In fact it looks like your only exposure to the X-men before making the movie was a fucking internet meme (which would explain the unforgivably bad line "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!". You can't explain that one away, Brett, so don't even try.)
This bothers me Brett. It bothers me that you took some really good casting choices and an excellent cast from the previous films and still churned out shit. It's like a big fuck you to all the fans. And not to nitpick here or anything, but aren't the fans the ones who you're supposed to be impressing? You know, so you make money off a film? Maybe I'm wrong.
Anyway, I just needed to clear the air about all this. I don't like going around being mad without at least trying to discuss it with the person I'm mad at.
So Brett, could you do me a big favour from now on? Could you stick to directing made-for-middle-america-playing-to-the-lowest-common-denominator-borderline-offensive-racial-stereotyping movies from now on, so I know which ones to avoid? And for the love of god, could you please stay the fuck away from any more comic based movies?
Thanks,
-Gwenhwyfar

He Must Be Canadian

I love that you can hear the skip ask him if he's scottish.

Dear Universal, Columbia and WB,

Let me start off by saying fuck you and getting it out of the way. For various reasons I'm pissed off at you all. Not just you but for what I want to discuss right now I have to point a finger at the three of you. I'll let you guess which finger.
Aside for all having a long list of shitty, unoriginal, big budget, blockbuster, unwatchably bad movies you've now all done exactly the same thing to me. Not just me, mind you. To many people. You put out a single season of a show and then pulled the plug on the rest. Shows I can't get anywhere else because they've all run their course. Shows I love. Shows I would be willing to pay money for just to be able to have and enjoy.
I must also tell you that I know a good number of people have no issue with going for bootleg copies. I know how much you like that sort of thing, so I thought you should know. I can't blame them though. You've really forced them, now haven't you? So don't get all pissy when you find them doing exactly that. Remember, you get what you give.
So how about, just for this once, you try being less asshole-ish? Could you do that for me? If you do I promise we'll make sure to overlook McHale's Navy, The Fog, Exorcist: The Beginning. Okay?
Thanks,
-Gwenhwyfar.

Drop Everything You're Doing And Go Now

If anyone in this city is up for some serious sushi action, Miso is the place you should be.
I'm always a little skeptical of any place that's "all you can eat" because it usually means "we've cut enough corners that you can stuff your gob until you puke for only $10". But this place has made me a believer. Unfortunately it's not $10, it's $22 which I'm not complaining about at all. I know I got my money's worth. I'm stuffed and everything was fabulous.
I can't think of a single thing to complain about. The food was amazingly delicious, the wait staff was quick, friendly and very helpful, the restaurant was spotless and tastefully decorated, they had barley tea (which made my whole day). They even have a section of "floor seating" which I love. The music was a bit strange but not painfully loud, and if nothing else it was good for a laugh.
If I had the authority to hand out stars they wouldn't just get four or five, they could have every star I've got. Everyone should go there. Seriously. Now.

From Me To You 22

- Part of being a good waiter or waitress is know when to fuck off. Whether people are in the middle of a serious conversation or if you've started chatting with them like they're your buddy. Walk away my friend, walk away.

- I don't tip "because it's required", I tip because I get good service. And if I get bad service, you get nothing. See how that works? If you come to the table six fucking times in a row and my glass is still empty I will quench my thirst with your tip.

- Don't get fucking pissy with me when you don't get your tip. You know how the game works, you ungrateful fuck. I don't know what planet you come from where you get everything for nothing, but here on my planet we have to work for what we get.

- Restaurants should pay all of their staff a fair wage and stop expecting their customers to pick up the difference. The whole tipping system is bullshit. There are plenty of places in the world where no one tips and they haven't fallen into chaos yet.

- You know you've been working at the library for too long when you get halfway through putting away your DVDs before realising you've been filing them in perfect alphabetical order.

- You know you've been working at the library way too long when you have the overwhelming urge to correct the spelling and grammar in the bathroom graffiti.

- No radio station should ever be allowed to play 24hrs of Christmas music for the entire month of December.

Another Year Gone, But Never Forgotten

9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980

It's 5.30am

Why am I awake?
Not a fucking clue.

That About Sums Up My Feelings

This is by far my favourite Penny Arcade strip ever. And they made a bunny hug out of it.
I was excited for about five seconds until I saw that it was already sold out. So I put it to you. Anyone who gets me this bunny hug will have my undying love and affection.
They would also be at liberty to ask any number of favours of me.
Just sayin'.

Kind Of Sorry But Not Really

I know I haven't posted anything all that interesting in days already and I'm sorry. Insomnia has taken over again (who am I kidding? It never really leaves) and has left me with a case of mush brain.
Honestly, I'll try to post something interesting soon.
Any one have any suggestions? Anything you want to know? Anything you want to see?

Advertising Wood

Apparently Amazon thinks that chubbies help sell boxers.
Maybe I'm just not easily impressed but this doesn't make me want to buy boxers. It just made me laugh. And is it just me or is that guy standing in a really odd position?

More Linky Goodness

I've added Free Rice to the link list. I think it's an awesome idea. Expand your vocab and feed hungry people. Everyone wins. Yay! So go play and feel good about wasting your time.
(Oh and I also added a permanent link to 100 Things About Me.)

God Damned Cat

Chat Noir is a game bound to both drive you completely insane and get you helplessly addicted. I swear that fucking cat is mocking me.
The idea is to try and trap the cat in a barrier of dark spots. So you click the light spots, one at a time. But every time you click a spot the cat runs to get away.
Enjoy.

Adam On

Like that little play on words? No? Well fuck you. It's three in the fucking morning. I'm tired. Leave me alone.
Anyway, now that you guys totally fucked me up with your negativity I guess I'll just skip anything else I was going to say and get to it. I've added Avitable's blog. Why? Because he's taken the time to comment on the stupid crap I write and because every now and then his blog makes me laugh. Further proof that I'm a terrible person.

100 Things About Me

I'm stealing ideas from Mr. Fab today because I'm too damned lazy to come up with my own. (That and reading his list made me curious to see if I could come up withh 100 things about myself.)

1. I'm a girl.
2. I'm Canadian.
3. I have two cats, they're both boys. Names - Ozzy and Dorian (bet you can't guess what colour he is).
4. I've been to film school for Make-up design for film and television.
5. I finished film school at the top of my class (graduate with honors) which is the best I've ever done at anything.
6. I'm allergic to perfume, aspartame and bananas.
7. I have kidney disease.
8. I'm terrible at spelling and I worry about it whenever I write anything.
9. I've seen every episode of Star Trek TNG, in order.
10. I love Babylon 5, but only seasons 1 - 4.
11. I love old movies (TCM is my favourite channel).
12. My taste in men is a bit odd and I like older men.
13. Thirteen is my favourite number.
14. I've been in five car accidents, three were my fault, one totalled my car.
15. I own two large coffins, both were made by family members and were given to me at christmas (one was carried by family members down a main street by the pallbearer handles on christmas morning) and about 7 small coffins. All but one were given to me as christmas presents.
16. I would like to have more coffins, lots more.
17. I own all of the Marx brothers movies.
18. I taught myself to knit and knit often.
19. I taught myself to make chain mail.
20. I watch at least one movie every day, I don't know why.
21. I love my couch more than I love most people.
22. I've been a vegetarian since 1997.
23. I smoke when I'm stressed.
24. I hate wearing socks and only wear them when I have to.
25. Only a handful of people can claim to ever have seen me in a dress.
26. I've read all but the very last book in the Vampire Chronicles series.
27. I never write in cursive, I can, I just don't.
28. I only need three more badges to get my life guard's certificate. I will probably never do that.
29. I have broken four of my fingers and set them all myself. I never did bother going to the hospital.
30. I've broken four of my toes, three all at once, the other by itself. Breaking toes sucks more than breaking fingers.
31. I broke my foot falling down the stairs while carrying a microwave. I still went to work the next day and walked around on it.
32. I broke my wrist a number of years ago and broke out in chicken pox the day after. This was in the first week of summer vacation. (worst summer ever)
33. I have more scars than I can count, most of them I don't remember getting. The larger ones all have stories, all of them involve me doing something stupid.
34. I share a birthday with JFK, Danny Elfman, Bob Hope and Melissa Etheridge.
35. I've seen every episode of M*A*S*H*, in order.
36. I had to clear out an entire cupboard just to make room for my coffee mugs. (I have a problem, leave me alone.)
37. I wear size 10 shoes. I have big feet. Leave me alone.
38. I am a life long insomniac.
39. I never have good dreams, they're always terrible and they usually wake me up.
40. I read comics and I own more than ten graphic novels.
41. I love Hellboy and B.P.R.D. (Mike Mignola is fucking amazing.)
42. I've never been to Disneyland and have no desire to go.
43. When I was really little my hair was blond, it has gotten darker over the years and is now dark red/auburn.
44. For a number of years I died my hair frequently and had forgotten what colour my hair actually was. It has been Fire engine red (which made me look like Scully according to my friends), blue, purple and black. The black lasted for three years.
45. My hair used to hang down almost to my knees, I cut it off out of spite.
46. I've been growing my hair out again, mostly out of laziness/cheapness.
47. Back hair grosses me out.
48. Accents, especially british accents, turn me on.
49. I've seen every episode of Are You Being Served? (including the movie, the very bad, completely awful movie).
50. I read, a lot. And I read really fast.
51. I've read about half of the James Bond novels (the ones Ian Fleming wrote anyway), they're really bad but I love them anyway.
52. I have an affinity for 50s kitsch and esthetic.
53. I love Columbo and Quincy M.E. enough that I bought them on DVD.
54. I dislike children.
55. I'm a gemini. That is my reason for being insane.
56. I have a terrible temper.
57. I hold grudges.
58. I'm fairly certain I have ADD.
59. I only ever drink bottled water (like from a water cooler), I blame that on the shitty tap water in Regina.
60. I'm a total sucker for animals.
61. My biggest goal in life is to have the money to afford my own horse.
62. I never watch the news and I can't remember the last time I read a paper.
63. Black really is my favourite colour.
64. I have a septum piercing.
65. I have plans for several tattoos. I have one so far. (In hebrew it says "this too shall pass" around my right middle finger)
66. I was born in the year of the rat.
67. I own enough cookbooks that I had to build a special shelf just for them.
68. I love to bake.
69. I own three sewing machines.
70. I can use most power tool competently.
71. The sound of the vacuum will drive me out of the house.
72. I have excellent hearing.
73. I shower, baths gross me out.
74. When I die I would like to be cremated on a funeral pyre. Seriously old school.
75. I'm most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.
76. I've won two public speaking competitions.
77. I've only voted twice in my life. Both times because I was guilted in to it.
78. I've been told many times that I am intimidating. I think that's hilarious.
79. I love penut butter and pickle sandwiches.
80. I love pickled herring, sauerkraut and smoked eel. I blame this on my german side.
81. I could eat sushi every day and be happy.
82. I love every kind of ethnic food I've tried so far.
83. I am a horrible food snob.
84. I like to debate but I was never on the debate club at school.
85. I was in the chess club.
86. I'm a Mac owner and I don't care what you say, my Mac could kick your PCs ass any day.
87. My taste in music is eclectic.
88. I own a record player and many records. (highlights of my collection - The Beatles White Album and An Evening With Groucho)
89. Excluding weddings and funerals I've only been to church 5 times in my life. All five times sucked.
90. I'm not religious but I am very spiritual.
91. Penn Jillette is one of my all time favourite people.
92. I watch way too many cartoons.
93. I can pick out my favourite voice actors. (Yeah, I have favourite voice actors.)
94. I'm not a morning person and so help you god if you wake me up.
95. I never nap.
96. I can't sleep on my back. I don't know why.
97. I draw, paint, air brush and sculpt but I don't carve.
98. I am really picky about pens. I don't know why. Some just bother me a lot.
99. Gambling has never made sense to me, although I do buy a lotto ticket every once and a while.
100. I am completely neurotic.

To All The People Who Contributed To My Day

I want to say thank you. Thank you for firmly cementing the belief that you are all a bunch of irretrievable idiots and assholes. From the guy who ran out in to traffic (because despite all the snow and ice I should be able to stop on a dime for his stupid ass) and the guy who saw me coming, crossed against the lights and took his fucking time to the fuckwad who parked a whole six inches from my driver door and the shit for brains who let the elevator doors close in my face.
I'm not even going to toy with the idea of letting the snow be an excuse for some of the fuck-wittery I have watched in the last few days. I'm just going to assume that everyone has lost their goddamned minds and that common courtesy is dead.

Personal Update: The Last Three Days

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Yawn* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkiller induced sleep* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *Wake up* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. *Painkillers* Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Etc.

By the way, too many painkillers make you feel very odd. Not a good kind of odd either. Just a heads up.

Dear Bitch,

How's it going? Good? That's nice. Me? Oh, I could be better. You see I was standing behind your friend in line at the coffee shop earlier. As were a lot of other people. That's right, that group of people stretching from the counter to the door, it was a line.
That's typically how this kind of situation works. People come in and wait to be served in the order they arrived. You start at the back of the line and work your way to the front. Just like everyone else.
Do you see the step you skipped? The waiting part? You know, like when you came in, brushed passed everyone else in line and headed right for the spot near the front, with your friend. And I'd love to believe that you are completely ignorant of this process, but your friend was as fidgety as a speed freak which is a pretty good indication that she knew what she was doing. Innocent people don't get like that. (That and she didn't order anything, you did. Which was really cute by the way.)
You're tall and thin and blond and pretty, I know. You're used to getting what you want and judging from you attire, paying too much for it. But somehow that still doesn't make you any more important than me or anyone else.
The next time you pull that kind of inconsiderate, school yard bullshit I'm going to snap you in half like a twig. Okay?
Thanks in advance for your consideration.
Always nice chatting with you.
-Gwen

From Me To You 21

- Christmas, in case you've forgotten, falls around the end of December. Setting up your tree before mid-December and taking down later than January makes you an asshole. Especially if you're one of those idiots who's putting up their christmas lights before Halloween and taking them down in May.

- I shouldn't be forced to listen to Christmas carols in every god damned store I go into from Nov. 15th until Jan. 15th. It's annoying the shit out of me, I know it's annoying the shit out of other people and I have to wonder how the employees make it though without killing any one.

- Not everyone celebrates Christmas. I just thought I'd point that out as people seem to have forgotten that not everyone in the whole fucking world is Christian.

- If you take the time to sit down and write a form letter about how wonderful and perfect your family is, how much money you make and how great your life is, then send it off to relatives you haven't seen in years - chances are they think you're a douche bag. They have probably also come up with a scornful title for you letters. And I can almost guarantee that they make fun of you, your offspring, your life and your stupid letter mercilessly.

- No one thinks your spawn is cute. We all just want you to shut that screaming shit machine up. Don't go getting all high and mighty with me either. Everyone around you has rights too and that thing is a fucking noise violation.

- Maybe if you spent more time working on disciplining your kids and less time telling them that they special and perfect and everyone will love them just for being themselves, they wouldn't be such a bunch of ill-mannered, demanding, spoiled, assholes.

- The 100 mile diet works real well in places that produce a wide variety of foods, year round. In some places, everything is frozen solid for more than half the year, never produce any real amount of fruit and are no where near a lot of the foods people need to maintain anything resembling a balanced diet.

Were You High When You Came Up With This?

What do a parrot, a flashlight and an FM radio have in common?
If you said "nothing" you'd be closer than these assholes. They seem to have gotten a wire crossed and ended up with this unholy thing.

I actually had a chance to see one in person when it turned up in the lost and found at work. I was so perplexed that I had to find out who was selling it.
In case you can't tell from the picture or the description, it's a toy parrot. The toy parrot has a belt clip for a tail. It also has a button on its back that opens its mouth and turns on the light in there. Then on the side it has a radio, with headphone jacks. (Just like real parrots, right?) Am I the only one who's confused by this?
Really, a flashlight/radio seems a little much to me, but to put in inside a toy parrot and give it a belt clip? Why? It leaves so many questions unanswered. And then to have it demonstrated in the picture by someone at least in their teens is even more confusing. Are fifteen year olds really in to parrot flashlight radios? Are they all giving up their adolescent drug addictions and cell phones for these things?
I don't know if I'll ever get the answers to my questions but I am fairly sure this is a sign that the end is near.

This Fabs For You

Here's some Jonathan Coulton, just because I haven't babbled on about him for a while. And you should all bow down before his genius.

Just Like Every Year

Okay guys, I want everyone to listen to me carefully. The white stuff on the ground outside, it's snow. Now wait, hold on, don't panic. It's just snow. This happens every year. I know, it's kind of cold out and the snow and ice are slippery but it's going to be okay. You don't have to go to defcon 4. Really.
I also know that many of you drive, which is what I really want to talk to you about. The snow is not, has not been and will never be an excuse for driving like a bunch of lobotomized chimps. I can't imagine why (especially when you're driving a giant gas hog, wide assed, extendacab 4x4 truck) driving 20 kph down one of the busiest streets in the city would seem like a good idea. It's Novemeber, what the hell are you going to do com February when we're up to our asses in snow and there are very few surfaces not covered in black ice?
And just for the record, driving like it's July does not make it July. Okay? I realize that the geriatrics and the morons are aggrivating. I know you have places to be. But driving like an asshole isn't fixing the problem. Could you at least pretend like you understand what "slippery" means?
All I ask is that people try and drive like they actually know what they're doing. It's really not that hard. Is it?

No, We Don't Carry That In-Store

Now that I've exposed myself as being no better than Hitler, I might as well forge on ahead by revealing myself as a giant nerd. I read graphic novels. Not just comics but graphic novels. Especially Hellboy. And to buy and Hellboy or B.P.R.D from Chapters I have to order them in.
Why? Because they never have the fucking things in store.
So I have to order them from Chapters Indigo Kiosk whateverthefuckit'scalled. And I always do this from in the store. Because I normally put in my order while I paying for other things. That way I'm not doing anything that if the order gets fucked up could be blamed on me. I have one of the staff do it.
The single most important thing I have learned about this process in the last couple of months is, this system either works surprisingly well or it will become a like pulling fucking teeth.
A few of the books I've ordered have come in in a matter of days, the record being three days. From order place to having the book in my hands. Which I thought was pretty damned awesome. And then it all kind of fell apart. I placed an order for one book, got the standard speach about how it would be delivered to the store in a week or two. They'd call when it got there.
I wait. A week. Two weeks. I get an email. My order has been cancelled, would I like to replace the order? Well since it's a brand new book, there is no way it's out of print yet, I paid for it, I still want the damned thing, yes I want to replace the order. So I jump through the hoops. And I wait. Another week. Two weeks.
I call the store. No, they don't have my book. I'll have to wait more. And wait I do. Another week. I call again. They give me their toll free number to call. And after waiting ten minutes on hold I get to talk to a real live person.
"It looks like your order was cancelled." He says.
"I know it was cancelled. That's why I placed the order again."
"Yes, I see that. But it was cancelled again."
"And why would that be?"
"The order was placed at a warehouse that doesn't keep that book in stock. So they can't ship it out to you."
"And was anyone going to let me know about all this?"
Dead air.
"I mean, I paid for the book and no one actually told me that it's not coming. I even called the store and they didn't tell me that. So I've paid for something that I'm not going to get. Don't you think I'd probably want my money back or something? Has my account been credited for the amount I paid or anything like that?"
"Well you would have to go in to the store to have your account credited."
"But no one called or emailed to let me know that I needed to do that. They didn't even let me know the damned book wasn't coming. I kept getting people telling it was coming as a matter of fact. So how exactly was I supposed to know that I'd have to go in to the store to get my money back?"
"Um... I don't know."
Ah, he doesn't know. No shit! I can hear him clacking away at his keyboard.
"Actually, the book is available from another warehouse."
"What?"
"Another warehouse has that book in stock. Did you want me to order it from there?"
What do you think? "Yes, yes I do."
"Okay, it should be there in a few days."
"Just to clarify, you're telling me your warehouses don't communicate? If an order can't be filled at one it doesn't just move on over to the other? And if it can't be filled and they know that they still send out emails asking if you want to replace your order? And they only send out one of those? And then they just leave you hanging? And no one lets the customer know that their item isn't coming, ever and they need to go to the store to get their money back? So maybe they'll just forget about it and you get to keep the thirty odd dollars it costs for a book? I don't get it."
There's a long pause. "I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with this order."
"Yeah, me too."
"Thank you for calling Chapters." blah, blah, blah.
My book was at the store in four days. I waited over a month for something that should have taken four days. And just to top it all off, when I was asking about this kind of shit at the store the girl helping me told me what I've come to understand completely. "The system kind of sucks. It works really well or stuff like this happens. It's kind of frustrating."
Really? I hadn't noticed.
"And they've never tried to fix this problem?"
She just laughed and shook her head.

Hitler-esque

I knew it had to happen some day, I just wasn't expecting that day to get here so quickly. I've finally been compared to Hitler.
I know what you're thinking, did I go oppressing an entire people again? Was I staging book burnings? Or giant rallies where everyone hails me and all of my soldiers do that goose stepping thing? And I have to answer you no. As much fun as some of that sounds. I just haven't had that kind of time lately.
No, friends, it was because I eat fish.
I was discussing food with Jarred, the other person running the theatre, (between the two of us I amazed we haven't burned to building down yet) and my not eating meat came up. I mentioned that I eat fish and Jarred laughed.
"You can't call yourself a vegetarian if you eat fish."
I explain there are a lot of kinds of vegetarians, including those who still eat chicken. They only cut the red meat (which we took a few minutes to make fun of). But around here it's just so much easier to say "vegetarian" than to try and explain all this to some of the meat lovin', commie hatin', rednecks who populate our fair province. They barely understand that, I think trying to reason with them any more than that would cause wide spread panic and rioting.
"So why don't you eat meat?" He asks.
"I don't feel good about it." It's the simplest answer. "I like to feel good about what I'm eating. Meat doesn't make me feel good. So I don't eat it."
"But you eat fish?"
"Yeah."
"So you don't feel bad about eating fish?"
"Not really."
He laughs. "So, like Hitler with the Jews? He didn't feel bad about killing them either."
How can I argue with logic like that?
"Yes, Jarred. I'm like Hitler. I'm the Hitler of fish." (At this point I take great pride in my restrain to make a comment about ovens.)
So yes, I am the Hitler of fish. Are you all happy now?
*sigh* I'm going to eat some tuna now.

I Swear They're Trying To Kill Me

Can someone please tell me why the fuck we suddenly have this huge crop of movies that are remakes of old films? Or is it just me? Am I the only one noticing this? In the last couple of months I haven't had a single movie related conversation that didn't include someone saying "Oh, did you hear they're remaking (insert movie that should never ever be remade)?"
Has Hollywood finally become completely devoid of any original thought or creativity? Are they that hard up for new stories? Have they completely tapped out of the usual mindless bullshit they normally pump out? What the fuck?
For long while already they've been draining the comic world and turning characters and stories we've all known and loved for years into barely recognisable, watered down, Hollywoodized garbage. Trying to re-do things that were done right the first fucking time. Trying to attract even more people to the movies they already had an audience for and just pissing everyone off. Fucking it up badly enough that no reader, from the casual to the hardcore fan boys, is willing to overlook it and still not making it a story that any of the non-fans are interested in anyway.
Then they started going after tv nostalgia. Shows that ran for years that again, everyone knows and fucking that up too. Trying to update and revamp things that everyone still remembers fondly. I mean for fuck sakes, just look at Bewitched: the movie! What the fuck were they thinking!? Michael fucking Caine couldn't even save that movie from being unwatchable. And between the trailers for Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks it's almost more than I can take.
For some reason Hollywood, with very few exceptions, manages to completely fuck up everything it tries to re-do. So I hope you'll understand my agitation when I hear that they're diving head first into the remakes. And I really don't get it, this need to "remake" anything. If it was done right the first time you're never going to be able to surpass that glory, you're not going to make it better and you're not going to relive that magic. You're going to take something great and rape it up the ass while we all watch in disgust. And if it wasn't done right the first time you don't get a fucking "do-over"!
Did Planet of the Apes teach them nothing?


One more thing, if anyone connected with the Deathrace 2000 remake is reading this, could you do me a favour and go fuck yourselves? Thanks.

In Theory

Being sick enough for all of your co-worker to notice (and avoid you and your disgusting germs) and having a boss who is awesome enough to notice, pity you and send you home to sleep it off sounds cool. In reality, it is lame, all kinds of lame. Because, while having a sympathetic boss (who doesn't want your disgusting germs) is really wicked awesome, you're still sick enough to be sent home from work.
At least I made up for completely forgetting work on Tuesday (stupid call-in) and impressed the hell out of my boss by "dragging my sorry ass in to work" (her words, not mine). I just figured my alarm had gone off, I was awake, I might as well go.
Also, getting a nose bleed while you have a cold/flu sucks more than I can say. I seriously think I'm falling apart. To bad my warranty ran out. Those replacement parts cost a fortune.

Best Excuse

For wearing a hideous sweater anyway.
"It covers all the important areas. My Head and my pits. I won't get hypothermia."
-Holly

Stupid Germs

I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that being sick as an adult sucks balls.
When you're little everyone is there to take care of you, make you food, bring you medicine, make sure you have enough pillows and blankets. All those great things that made sick days from school not so bad.
As an adult no one is there to make me food or bring me drugs or even call to make sure I'm okay. I haven't had even one person offer to bring me a blanket or a pillow in years. And staying home means calling in sick to work and losing money.
What kind of shitty deal is that?

Blondies

If you don't know who Debbie Harry is you are a bad person.

In Case You Forgot

Though I'm sure you didn't. Right?



Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Here Comes DR TRAN!

This is by far one of my favourite animated shorts. It also happens to be one of those clips that I seem to forget about for ages and then end up rediscovering and laughing my ass off. Which is exactly what I did only a few hours ago.
Anyway, enjoy.

Deadly Sin Or Just The Sin Of Tasting Like Shit?

It's not often that I'm one for product endorsement, especially since I'm not a celebrity and no one is paying me millions to say their stuff doesn't suck. But if something is really, really awesome I like to spread the word. More people buy something, the more likely it is that I'll be able to find it easily and won't have to worry about them pulling the product or the company going under. So it's win-win really.
That being said... awhile ago I discovered Oral Fixation Mints. The box caught my attention first (I'm such a design whore. If something looks cool I'm about 90% more likely to buy it.) and the flavours seemed interesting. So I bought a couple of different kinds. (I'm also a terrible impulse shopper. If they kept everything in neato packaging right next the the cashier I would be broke and homeless in a matter of days.) I got the Mojito Mint, the Antioximints (green tea flavoured) and the 7 Deadly Cinnamon.
The Mojito mints were really tasty, just nicely lime flavoured and not painfully strong. The Antioximints were a serious winner. One of the best tasting mints I've had in a long time. And then... then I got to the cinnamon.
Honestly, of all the flavours I could have chosen from I don't know why I picked them up. I've always had a bit of a turbulent relationship with "cinnamon flavoured" anything. I take exception to the fact that "cinnamon flavour" tastes nothing like cinnamon. And I'd really like to know what chimp of a taste tester ever thought that what ever the hell that taste is is even remotely close to cinnamon.
But I digress. The 7 Deadly Cinnamon mints are in a whole league of their own when it comes to all things cinnamon flavoured.
At this point you may mistakenly think I'm about to say something good about them. You are very, very wrong.
These are absolutely the worst mints/candies, cinnamon flavoured or not, that I have ever had ever. Sweet titty fucking Christ, I still can't even wrap my mind around the horror held within such a tiny candy.
Honestly, I would take any "cinnamon flavouring" over whatever the hell these things are. They don't even taste like the usual chemical spiciness that I had expected. Although I did know that taste. I knew it the moment that piece of evil touched my tongue.
Stomach acid.
I'm sure everyone has, at one time or another, tasted it at the back of their throat. That horrible acid burn accompanied by that bitter nasty taste. Left over after puking, creeping up with some nasty heartburn, you know what I mean. That taste. The candies taste like that.
And then subtly, just beneath that god awful taste there is a hint of chemical spiciness faux-cinnamon.
Great. They've manages to mix two of the worlds worst tastes into one disgusting piece of nastiness. Like puking after eating a handful of cinnamon hearts.
So I'm begging Oral Fixation, please for all our sakes, could you do something about this? All your other mints are so darn good. But these taste like they were shat forth from the very bowels of hell. Could you at very least make them just taste like every other faux-cinnamon product?
Thanks! I'd really appreciate that.