Funny? Not Even A Little

As I have previously stated, I hate AFV and all the shows out there like it. They are the kind of shows that glorify poor decision making skills and stupidity. They play to the lowest form of entertainment. I really believe that shows of that kind only serve to dumb down the already slow witted general public.
But the one thing that I hate most of all about shows like that are quite a few of the videos involving small children and animals (The former being a group I don't really care for and the latter a group I love dearly).
Last night when I stopped at my friend's house, he had AFV on so I ended up seeing more than I cared to. One video in particular caught my eye.
After watching a toddler in a bathtub pull a nearby cat (rather roughly, I might add) in to the water only to have the cat spaz (That's right, letting your naked child haul and angry cat, complete with claws, in to a bathtub is a REALLY GOOD IDEA) I was just about done. I'd love to tell you I was surprised that it only got worse.
It was followed by a video of a very small child crawling along after a tiny frog (it apparently had gotten in to their house as it was hoping frantically across the carpet). The baby kept grabbing at the poor thing in the ungracious manner that babies have while the camera looked on and the parents laughed. When the baby finally got ahold of the terrified frog I was cringing but the announcer was kind enough to assure everyone that the baby didn't crush the frog.
No.
While the parents watched the baby nearly squishing the life out of a living thing (and laughed) it shoved the poor frog in its mouth and killed it that way.
Yeah, Mr. Announcer. Thanks for telling us all not to worry that the baby wasn't going to squish the frog in its hand. And way to go, mom with the camera, for waiting until that happened (because we didn't all see that coming) to put down the fucking camera and dig the now very dead frog out of your child's mouth.
Can someone please tell me what part of that was meant to be funny?
Actually, no. Don't. I would like to hold on to a little tiny piece of me that believes that there are still people out there who also can't see what part of that is supposed to be comical.

Thanks A Lot

It's my mom's birthday tomorrow. It falls shortly after Father's Day so there's always a bit of an over lap in planning, which I'm usually left with the bulk of.

That's only partially a complaint. In all honesty, I like it that way. It leaves very little up to chance when I don't have to count on anyone, I know what's going on, I know that everything is handled (or failing that, that there is a back up plan) and I actually LIKE doing the planning. I LIKE making supper. I LIKE all of those things because it's one of the big ways I show that I care.

So when I was talking to my mom today and she mentioned supper tomorrow and that my brother had already spoken to her about it, I was a little surprised.

Before Father's Day I had asked him what he was planning and told him we needed to talk about it. Father's Day came and went and he didn't say a word. It's not unusual for him to just forget everything so I made a plan. I even took tomorrow afternoon off to make supper. I spent a week looking up recipes and figuring things out. I was figuring out desert and getting my grocery list together.

But no.

My brother had already spoken to her about dinner and failed to mention any of this to me.

I plan this shit out for every single occasion and the ONE time he decides to help it's by making all the plans AND NOT TELLING ME.

So all the hours I spent planning were for nothing. He left me without anything to do, which makes me feel like a fucking schmuck. And now because I'm mad, hurt and upset my mother wants to cancel everything and just not have a birthday because, you know, that doesn't make me feel even more like a fucking douche bag.

Awesome.

The best part is, if I hadn't spoken to my mother I would have gone to get groceries tonight and gone to make supper tomorrow so my idiot brother could show up with his own groceries in tow.

It's days like these I wish I could drink.

Put It In Your Face Hole

Rice is something I like when there's stuff with it. It's rare that I ever eat just rice. I don't really care for it alone. All that may have changed (sort of). I have discovered furikake*.

This shit is awesome. I bought some earlier and wanted to try it out. Since I had some left over rice from a few days ago, supper seemed like a good chance to try it out. I will never be sad that I did.

Between a sammich and the rice, I almost didn't want to eat the sammich. It was just taking time away from eating the rice. It was also taking up room in my stomach for the delicious, delicious rice.

I am suddenly INCREDIBLY happy I live within walking distance of the store that sells it. I have a feeling I'm going to go through a lot.

*Although it's spelled a little too much like Bukkake.

Shit...

I'm doing that thing again, aren't I? That thing where I neglect this place.
I'm sorry.
Life has been busy. You know, real life. Not that my twitter or tumblr would show that at all.
Part of it is, I've been wondering how much life the old girl has left in her. Kill the Body was my first site ever. It's been here through good times and bad. It's been my sanctuary, my confessional, my hiding place. It's been here when I needed a good rant, and we all know that's often enough.
But, as Bob Dylan says, "Times they are a-changing".
I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago (yeah, 5 years) but who of us is?
It took me a long time to come to terms with that. I'm not the same angry, hateful person any more. There are shades of that person still, but not to the same extent and to be honest, I hope it stays that way.
My interests, hobbies and loves have all found homes in other places if not in my real, everyday life (how boring, eh?).
So do I still need this place?
In a strange way, part of me does. I think I always will. I don't know that I want to give it up, throw it away or delete it forever. I don't know if I'm ready to do that with such a huge piece of my life. The last six years of my life have been the most difficult six years I hope to ever live through. There have been some horribly dark times (and some amazingly good times). This place made it possible for me to carry on and sometimes... it was a reason to carry on.
So how do I walk away? Should I even consider it? Can I commit to coming here more often and posting again.
Not the same as I used to. Those days are gone. But something. Anything.
I don't know.
I need to spend more time thinking I guess.
Feel free to chime in.
If there's anyone still out there.

Team Edward?

Yeah, you could say that.
Wait... who the fuck were you talking about?

An Issue Of Distance

Like most people my age, I'm pretty pro-internet. I spend a lot of time entertaining myself with stupid online shit. It fills time when I'm bored at work, it increases the amount of useless information I have stored in my head and most of all, it connects me to all kinds of people.

I certainly count that last one as a pro, for me it's also a con.

See I have plenty of friends offline (believe it or not) and I also have plenty of friends online, some of whom I've met and some I haven't. My friends online are scattered all over the world. They're great people who I'm proud to know and prouder still to call friends. The ones I have met have been (unbelievably) more awesome in person than online and they're in my thoughts constantly.

Bu at the same time it's sad. Being scattered around the world means that they are all much, much too far away. It drives me crazy when I know someone is upset or freaking out or just having a bad day and I can't just be there. There are so many times when I say "I wish I could give you a hug" and I mean it completely. There are even more times I think "I wish they were here" whether it's just for coffee and hanging out or because I'm the one who needs a hug.

I do what I can to make the distance seem less but sometimes... it sucks balls.

I guess what it comes down to is this - I love all my friends. They are awesome. To be able to continue sharing pieces of my life with these people, I take the bad along with the good because it's worth it to me.

I just wish you were here.

Speaking Of Houses

I've been thinking a lot lately about houses. Well, to be more precise, I've been thinking about what it is I want in a house, what's important, what's required and (when I get bored) what I'd want in a dream house.
I've always had a list of things I'm looking for in a home - and I do mean home, I have no intention of making a life for myself in a "house". But over the years that list has grown and shrunk again, changed and changed again.
Part of the trouble is, I'm a huge design whore. I love interior design (now there's a career I really should look in to) and I love things that make a place special. So, unfortunately, what I can afford and what my dream home looks like are not just miles apart, they're on different planets. (Slowly, I am working my way closer to the dream but for now I'm here.)
Where am I at now?
Right now I'm day dreaming. So here are a few things I would look for if my lotto numbers came through.

A closed front porch - I love them. A lot. I'm the kind of person who enjoys sitting outside without actually sitting outside. It's some kind of personality flaw, I'm sure, but it's true.

A second floor/loft - I don't know why I have a fascination with having an upstairs, but I do. I think it comes along with my love of old houses, wooden steps and heavy banisters. I also love spiral staircases for some unknown reason.

A claw foot tub - I am not someone who enjoys taking baths. I'm a shower person. So I know it's absolutely ridiculous for me to want a claw foot tub as badly as I do. But something about the look of them... I absolutely adore them.

A finished basement - I am, for the most part, much happier hanging out in the basement than I am upstairs. It's my retreat from the summer, especially when I don't have A/C.

A really nicely done kitchen - I cook and bake a lot. If the kitchen I have now has taught me anything it's that having a shitty kitchen is torture. Not having enough counter space, too few cupboards, bad layout, shitty lighting - it all makes doing something I love more like a chore and that's just unacceptable. Also, if I had my way, every kitchen would come with a dishwasher (whether that be a machine or someone, I don't care as long I don't have to ever wash them again).

A private library - We are talking dream home, after all. Mine would definitely have a private library. I don't even require a big room, just one room entirely devoted to my books (of which there are hundreds) with an enormous chair and a reading lamp.

A pool - Again, we're talking about my dream home here. Fun fact: I love to swim. I could happily swim every day. I just hate public pools and beaches are so damned crowded. A private pool would make me happier than I can say.

Enough room to keep a horse - This is the most cliche girl thing I will ever be caught admitting to, but I love horses. I always have. I've long said that one of my biggest goals in life is to be able to own a horse. Much like I could swim every day, horseback riding is something I would kill to be able to do every day.

And finally (for the purposes of this post anyway, I could keep going forever)

A really amazing entertainment room - Movies aren't something I just enjoy. They aren't something I watch "once and a while". They are a huge part of my life. I went to film school for a reason. Not having a good place to sit and watch movies would ruin an otherwise ideal home. Have you seen pictures of entertainment rooms people have dumped thousands of dollars in to? Yes. Like that. Maybe even a guest house converted in to one big home theatre.