Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sloppy Seconds Go To Robin

They'd be less sloppy, but we all know that Mr. Fab is the jizziest.
Robin kissed me today, which is fine by me. She can kiss me any time she likes. In fact I have a few suggestions as to areas she might try kissing, but that's not for here.

And now it's my turn, isn't it? By bitch list is as follows...
Blue, Janna, Michelle, Sourpuss, Robin, Turnbaby and Fabs.

The Mwah! Award is a sweet kiss given to say thank you for friendships and comments in the blogosphere. Apparently it was started by Jenn in Holland.

Harder Than It Looks


This stupid thing seems really easy, but when the timer started my brain froze.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Aside from being just a straight up awesome ad for something that I think very highly of, this ad has been honoured with some fantastic awards.


I can't be the only one that noticed this. I just can't.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tagged? What The Hell?

I believe this is the first time anyone has tagged me, ever. So I guess the honour of taking my tagging virginity goes to Mr. Fab. Well done, Sir. I'll be walking funny for days, I'm sure. You're the jizziest.
On to the meme.

Here are the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. My taste in music can be a little strange and I find that peoples expectations of what my musical taste should be varies greatly from person to person. However almost everyone has been surprised that I'm a fan of Elvis, Roy Orbison, Harry Belafonte, Blondie and Johnny Cash.

2. I'm really competitive and I love to win. Don't give me that "isn't not whether you win or lose" bullshit. If winning wasn't important then why keep score? I'm not just in it to win it, I'm in it to crush you and then grind you in to the dust. (This attitude gets much worse when I'm competing with a guy.)

3. Despite what most people think, I'm actually pretty easily pleased and made happy. It's just that I am also easily angered and annoyed. The simplest explanation is that I'm emotional.

4. If you don't want an honest answer or you want a sugar coated truth, don't ask me. Seriously, you're just going to be annoyed, pissed off or hurt by what I have to say if you ask. And I'm not interested in your whinny bullshit when answer your fucking question.

5. I worry about everything. All the time. And I'm prone to panic attacks. When I'm in the middle of one it's not fun for anyone.

6. I can't stand driving without the radio or a cd playing. Unless someone is in the car with me. I turn it off as soon as anyone else gets in the car because I hate trying to talk over the music.

Alright I know that at least two of these people have been tagged already but I don't care.

- Robin
- Adam
- Bron
- Janna
- Michelle
- Blue

It's Too Fucking Cold To Be Creative

Yesterday was just lovely, what with the blizzard-like conditions. Today isn't looking like it's going to be much better, starting off at about -45. So it is officially too fucking cold for me to even attempt creativity. That and my everything hurts because I slept weird last night.
I haven't done one of these in a while (this particular meme, not memes in general), so here is the soundtrack to my life, for now anyway.

Here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Heaven is in your mind - Traffic (starting off on a good note, pardon my pun)

Waking Up: Dried up, tied and dead to the world - Marilyn Manson (things went down hill pretty quickly there)

First Day At School: The Reflecting God - Marilyn Manson (This is pretty fitting actually)

Falling In Love: You've got to hide your love away - The Beatles (I wish I could say I was surprised.)

Fight Song: I did it my way - Elvis Presley (this is quite possibly the worst fight song ever.)

Breaking Up: Apple of Sodom - Marilyn Manson and Rasputina (Honest, I don't have that much Manson in my iTunes)

Prom: It's a man's world - James Brown (Don't ask, I have no idea what that means)

Life: Thank you for the venom - My Chemical Romance (sadly, this fits all too well)

Mental Breakdown: Helena - My Chemical Romance (Yeah, I could see that)

Driving: Waitress - Cloud Cult (it's got a pretty good driving beat. I could dig that)

Flashback: A Sunday kind of love - Dinah Washington (good grief)

Getting Back Together: The man comes around - Johnny Cash (I believe this is iTunes way of telling me "when hell freezes over")

Wedding: Rita Sue and Jonesy - Jeff Beal (It's from the Carnivale soundtrack and it's actually really pretty, but kind of sad)

Birth of Child: Love Train - Wolfmother (uh... yeah... weird)

Final Battle: Woman - Wolfmother (not a bad final battle song as far as the beat, but the content makes it a little strange)

Death Scene: Minnie the moocher - Cab Calloway (Um, okay. Maybe Bertie Wooster gets me in the end.)

Funeral Song: Amazing Life - Jem (The weird part is that I probably would have picked it if I'd had a choice. It's one of a couple that I like.)

End Credits: You spin me right round - Orgy (This wouldn't have been something I would have picked, but it works for me.)

No, It's Not A Girl Thing

Does anyone have $500 that they would be willing to give me? Because I really, really, really want these...

I'm going to take this moment to point out that I am NOT a "shoe person". In all honesty I own 4 pairs of shoes and only wear the one pair all the time. I don't see the point in owning hundred of pairs of shoes. I only have the one pair of feet. But I am in love with these boots.
I should mention that they are made by Motor Cowboy, makers of kick ass boots. Seriously, if I strike it rich these guys are going to benefit. If you have already struck it rich, you should check them out. Because as much as I love their shit, it ain't cheap.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Allow Me To Explain

Hello my dear troglodytes, gather 'round whilst I clear up a little matter. It seems some of you may have missed a memo or something.
If you rack up over $300 in fines at the library by, let's say losing ten items, you can dispute it until the end times and it's not going to go through. Got that? Because, you fuckwit, no one in their right mind is going to go "Oh, it's only $300 worth of our shit they lost, but they've got a really good reason so I'll just wipe it off their file! La-dee-da!" And waiting a couple of months to come in and get a new card doesn't magically make the computer forget that you LOST TEN ITEMS.
How fucking stupid do you think I am? Or the whole fucking system for that matter? The whole world isn't out to get you sweetheart, you're not that fucking important. You are, however, a useless waste of skin who is taking up far too much of everyone's time and energy with your douche baggery, your bullshit and your pathetic attempt to work the system.
I don't give a shit what your sob story is. It's about time that you realize that out here in the real world you're actually expected to take responsibility for your fuck ups. That you can and will be held accountable. That there isn't always someone or something you can pass the blame on to. And you should really get it through your thick fucking skull that there are people out there who just don't fucking buy it, not one second of it.
Don't get me wrong now, this isn't just about library fines. You've annoyed me because it's not just the library where this kind of bullshit goes on. Any system designed to help people who are genuinely in need of it is continually plagued by your sort. People who feel that they are owed something. Not that they've ever contributed to anything, ever. Just that the cosmos owe them something, everything, anything that they want. It makes me fucking sick.
People like you leech of the system and suck it dry. You make it impossible for the truly helpless to get anything. You turn people who really do want to help in to bitter, jaded shadows with no charity left. You drag everyone around you down in to the shit instead of trying to lift yourself out of it. Worst of all you pass that same disgusting attitude toward life on to your children, making sure we've always got a fresh crop of leeches to suck us all dry.
So you'll excuse me when I say fuck you and stay the fuck away from me.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Happy Birthday Adam!

Today is a very special day. It's Adam's birthday. So go to his site and give him you wishes, presents, cash, food, whatever you may have on hand.
And now, here's a song.

Friday, January 25, 2008


I've added new links. Mostly because both of these loverly ladies have said nice things about me recently. Which is really all you have to do to win my affections. Go check them out now.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

That's Gonna Leave A Mark

You know what'll put a damper on your day? Getting a giant splinter jammed in to your heel. I can't say whether or not prior knowledge that it is going to happen helps at all. But I can tell you the a surprise stabbing sucks. A lot. The following need to dig said piece of wood out of the foot with a pin also sucks. A lot. And finally, the continued pain throughout the day and night - you guessed it - sucks. A lot.
All in all, it's not something I could, in good conscience, suggest you try. Which may or may not have something to do with the throbbing pain in my heel that spreads out to my toes and up to my knee.
Let me conclude by saying "ow".
owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I Always Thought I Should Have A Slogan

Or at least a surgeon general's warning. Unfortunately this site only does slogans. So here they are. Be sure to have shirts, buttons, banners and what not made up to spread the word of Gwenhwyfar awesomeness!
- Gwenhwyfar - be ready.

- Step into the light with Gwenhwyfar.

- The Gwenhwyfar man.

- The best Gwenhwyfar in the world.

- Gwenhwyfar, the original.

- Gwenhwyfar inside you.

- My way is Gwenhwyfar.

- The ideal Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar, to hell with the rest.

- Gwenhwyfar is a never ending story.

- For the love of Gwenhwyfar.

- There is no life without Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar - be prepared.

- The Gwenhwyfar universe.

- Firstclass Gwenhwyfar!

- Nobody doesn't like Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar nonstop.

- Gwenhwyfar makes your day.

- Gwenhwyfar - it's like heaven!

- Gwenhwyfar is good for you.

- I love Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar, the freshmaker.

- And on the eighth day, god created Gwenhwyfar.

- The magic of Gwenhwyfar.

- You can't stop Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar. Making people sucessful in a changing world.

- The Queen of Gwenhwyfar.

- Think different, think Gwenhwyfar.

- Gwenhwyfar only.

- 3... 2... 1... Gwenhwyfar.

- When you say Gwenhwyfar you've said it all.

- Don't get in the way of Gwenhwyfar.

- I wish I was a Gwenhwyfar.

- Go far with Gwenhwyfar.

- There's only one true Gwenhwyfar!


God fucking shit hell damnit! My new fucking camera that I fucking love just fucking died because the fucking battery fucking crapped the fuck out. Which is just fucking peachy as it's a lithium fucking battery that cost $16 fucking dollars a fucking pop. So I called london fucking drugs to ask about rechargeable fucking batteries and the fucking things are fifty fucking dollars. Fuck! So I'm going to have to fucking wait until tomorrow to see if any other fucking place has them for less.
That wouldn't be so fucking bad if Kodak had any fucking sense and made the fucking camera so that when the fucking battery dies that it would shut itself the fuck off instead of leaving the fucking thing in the fucking on position, thus making it impossible to put the fucking cap on.

More Lazy Thievery

Sorry guys, I'm having a really not creative, completely lazy week. I can't even think of anything that pissed me off enough to rant about. At least nothing I haven't ranted about at length before. So I swiped this from Robin.

1. What would you do if your ex just showed up at your house right now?
Take my bat to his head and enjoy the fact that I have a rather long, hard, slippery set of stairs up to my door. Then leave him to freeze to death.

2. What describes your relationship status?
A lot of words that would make even the strongest spirit weep.

3. Where are you?
Physically? My bedroom. Mentally? In a dark and lonely void. Emotionally? Curled up in a corner crying.

4. Have you ever been called a bitch?
Only because it's true.

5. Would you do anything for someone else?
Anything? No. Most things? Probably. Actually I hate saying no unless I have a really good reason, so your chances are good.

6. What is your favorite animal?
Crows. I love them more than you and if you ever hurt one and I find out I swear by all that is unholy I will make you suffer before you die.

7. Who have you thought about most today?

8. Are you a bad influence?
I'm not even going to try to deny it.

9. Color of your underwear?

10. Honestly, what would you rather be doing right now?
I'd rather be in my huge mansion swimming in my oversized vault of money a la Uncle Scrooge while Kevin Spacey and Johnny Depp duel for my affections and Alan Rickman laughs at them both because he knows I love him.

Monday, January 21, 2008

About A Girl 2

- My face is crooked which annoys the hell out of me. It also makes it hell to get my glasses adjusted.

- I'm never unwilling to apologize when I hurt someone or if I've done someone wrong. But you will only ever get one "I'm sorry". If you can't accept that, then it's your problem, not mine. If I don't feel like I've done anything wrong you will get an apology without my accepting any actual responsibility. "I'm sorry your feeling were hurt" or "I'm sorry you feel that way". Don't expect anything more, you won't get it.

- I tend to laugh at inappropriate things or things other people don't find funny. This is a problem when people go to movies with me. I burst out laughing at Hannibal, during the lobotomy scene. If you're uptight about those things, it's best you don't take me anywhere public.

- If you get me started on a topic that I'm passionate about don't expect me to stay calm. It can't be done.

- I collect cookbooks. I have no idea why, but I love them. I have quiet a lot, from all over the place and from as far back as 1918. Chances are, if you need a recipe, I've got it or I can get it in no time. (For example, I have two recipes for gruel.)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

There Needs To Be A Better Name For It

"Second cousin" just seems like such a crappy title. There has got to be something better. What am I talking about, you ask? I finally met the latest addition to the family. Little baby Data. I have to say though, I think someone at the hospital fucked up. The kid is not only TINY but also lacks any kind of tail, third eye, parasitic twin, abnormal body hair, etc. that one would expect from the spawn of Jay. However, she does do a pretty wicked impression of an old man.
We came to an understanding and so long as she holds up her end of the deal, I think we'll get along fine. I will continue to hold her in exchange for her continuing to not scream at me or projectile vomit on me. She is free to do either of those things to Jay, with all the force and vigor she can muster. But not me.
I also fully intend to teach her bad words, rude faces and to fill her full of sugar when no one is looking. Because, after all, what else is family for?
What's that? Not all family does that? Just me huh?
Okay, I can deal with that.
Now I just have to make the other two Star Trek uniforms.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Who Said Fridays Had To Be Creative

I swiped this from Adam because, well I've got nothing of my own right now.

Let’s make a band:
1. Band Name
The first article title is the name of your band.

2. Album Name
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3.Album Cover
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Now take your pic, add the band name and title to it, then post it.

Apparently I was born to be in a celtic band of some sort.

I think I actually like the second one I got better.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Like Drinking And Driving

Baking and blogging. Just don't do it. You think you've got a handle on things, but you're wrong. Bake for 10 minutes, yeah I can't do that. Wait... What's that burning smell? Oh. God. No.

These are the cookies of an attentive baker.

And these are the cookies of a blogger.

*They've been quarantined as you can see.

I know, it's not a pretty site. But let me be an example for the rest of you. Pay attention to your cookies.
(Lucky for me I have a grandpa that loves burnt baking. Seriously. I have cousins who will back me up on this one.)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Time To Say Goodbye

I've often been reminded that no one ever promised that life would be fair or easy. Which is probably for the best as it is riddled with unfairness, struggles, injustice, and sorrow. For every moment of joy, there is a moment of pain. For every moment of happiness that comes with with the first hello, there are the tears of the final goodbye. It's the balance of life.
It seems that no amount of experience or time ever softens the blow. Though I'm starting to understand that holding on to the happy memories rather than the sadness make the moments that follow a little easier. Knowing that the lessons learned and the impact made by that person will never be forgotten or taken for granted.
Goodbye will never be easy, so I'll hold on to the pieces I have and know that you're never really gone completely.

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. ~Marcel Proust

Monday, January 14, 2008

About A Girl

Okay, so after doing the Seven Weird Things post the other day I read a few different blogs all suggesting different ways to keep yourself writing. The consensus seems to be set daily features. Now as much as I'm not really down with a set schedule for every single day, but monday is normally a shit day anyway. So from now on I'm going to try to remember to do at least one of these. They may not all be weird, they may not all be exciting, but they will all be true.

- I have a tendency to eat some strange things, but I swear they're all delicious. Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, peanut butter on perogies, smoked eel, pickled herring, cheese wiz and raisins, etc.

- It takes a lot for me to say I hate a movie. I can usually find something I like about even the worst films. But if I do hate a film, I hate it a lot.

- I'm prejudiced against certain names. I know it's stupid but you have enough bad experiences with the same name, it kind of forms a mental block. Highest ranking for men, Scott and John. Highest for women, Amber and Tara.

- I hate wearing socks. I only wear them when I have to and when the need has passed they are the first things I ditch.

- I have a horrible tendency to walk around my house in my pajamas which, however sexy you may want to believe it is, is not. You obviously don't know enough single 20-somethings who own cats.

The Morning After

Last night was the big radio show with Mr. Fab and I must say, that was not just one butt load of fun. It was more like a dozen butt loads of fun. I only wish it had been longer. Somehow time and space don't matter during that show and it becomes the shortest hour ever.
We talked about child sized coffins, hinterlands who's who, my fear of hospitals and moths (which I found a kindred spirit in Mrs. Fab, at least on the moth issue), flying, japanese sex toys, where to keep a vibrator disguised as a vegetable, butt plugs, KFC, Canada and much more. I also got a chance to talk to Turnbaby, mistress of the sultry southern drawl and Robin, keeper of the American snow and a wicked hot lady to boot. Lynne called in too, but I talk to her all the time. So there.
Anyway, I had a blast. Thanks to everyone who listened, called in, came to check out the site, sat in the chat room, etc. And thanks again to Mr. Fab for having me on.

Oh, forgot to mention, if you missed the show you can still hear it in the archives.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The Big Reminder

Just in case you all forgot, I will be the guest on Mr. Fab's radio show tomorrow. That's 7pm EST. Don't ask me what that is your time, I haven't got a clue. Be there or be square, in fact be there and also be square.

Old City Cemetery

Yes, I know it's terribly goth of me but honestly I find the cemetery a very peaceful, relaxing place. It's where I go when I'm having a bad day or if I'm stressed. Odder still, the new cemetery doesn't do it for me at all (and this one is home to my great grandfather.)

Friday, January 11, 2008

Seven Weird Things

After watching Mr. Fab's video post I decided to take a crack at this meme. I'm kind of neurotic (and by "kind of" I mean "completely") and I have lots of weird habits, so I should be able to come up with seven, no prob. Let's see...

1. When I eat breakfast I have to take a sip of my drink (no matter what it is) before I eat any of the food. I usually do this at any meal, but I'm really picky about that one at breakfast. Don't ask me why. I have no fucking clue.

2. There are certain movies I HATE watching with other people. Not to say I hate those movies, not at all. In fact almost all of them are my favourite movies. Which may be why I hate watching them with other people. So don't ever ask if I want to watch Edward Scissorhands with you. The answer will almost certainly be no.

3. I can't stand sitting with my back to the room, even worse if I have my back to a door. I seriously can't deal with it. It makes me all jumpy and uncomfortable. If there is even a glimmer of hope that I can sit with my back to a wall I will take it. I'm pretty sure I was a mob boss in a past life.

4. Despite the fact that I work at the library, I buy a lot of books. I know I can get the same ones, for free, from work. But I like to own my books. Mostly because I want to be the first one to read them. That and I am the most anal retentive person in regards to the state of my books ( as well as DVDs and CDs) that I know. I take great pains to keep them looking the way they did the day I bought them. Which means if I catch you cracking the spines of my books I will do the same to you. (As you may have guessed, the list of people who are allowed to borrow my books is short and only getting shorter.)

5. I hate liars. I hate them more than I can put in to words. It is also one of the few things I cannot forgive. Ever. If you lie to me once it makes you a liar and I have to question everything you've ever told me and anything you may tell me. And I have absolutely no qualms with completely removing you from my life. No one is important enough to escape this judgement.

6. I talk to my cats. Yeah, I'm the fucking crazy cat lady, you got a problem with that!? Fuck you.

7. I never put my heat rub, migraine pills or MSM cream (for tendonitis) away because whenever I put them away I end up needing them. I don't know why, but it never fails. So I leave them out.



8. Sharp knives must be washed and put away immediately after use. I don't do that with any other dishes (though I probably should), just the sharp knives. It actually bothers me a lot when someone uses my knives and then leaves them all dirty and crusted with gunk next to the sink.

9. When I buy a new season of any TV show on DVD I have to watch it all before I watch anything else. Which means I have watched no less than 15 seasons of various shows in a single sitting. (I did that with every season of M*A*S*H*.) I have no idea why, it's just something I do.

10. It's pointless for me to have more than one pair of shoes because when I find a pair of shoes I like, that's all I'm going to wear. No matter what the function or the weather. I will wear them until they die, I will mourn my shoes and then I will buy a new pair just to start the process over again.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

More Pictures Of Stuff

I took these today, mostly just outside the city on a dirt road. For my money, I can't think of any way I would have rather spent the day.

Delicious Music

This really makes me want a snack, or at least a flute made out of a carrot.

Monday, January 07, 2008

I Have Nothing To Say

I'm sorry guys, I'm having one of those weeks where I'm not feeling funny. Or angry. Or anything. I just don't have anything worth saying. (Yeah, yeah, when do I ever?) So here's a brief update on what I've been up to or am going to be up to.

- I received my brand new PSP (gotta love christmas money) and despite what some cousins (who will remain Jay and G) may think, I love it a whole bunch. Definitely a step up from my old Gameboy. I also got a game, because what's the point of a new system without games? So I've been playing the new Beowulf game, which all-in-all, not a bad game at all. Now I just have to get a memory stick.

- I spent even more money in another rash move today when I ordered the Complete Jeeves and Wooster. I realize this makes me the biggest fucking nerd you've never met, but I love Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry more than I can say. I also love P.G. Wodehouse more than you. All of you. To my credit though, I did order it off Amazon and saved myself almost $60 (which I still can't fucking believe... what the fuck is Future shop trying to pull!? $145 my ass.)

- Everyone I sent packages to before christmas has now received them. No one has complained. I think my work is done.

- My friend Chris not only brought me a present from Japan, he brought me a fucking Bento Box with engrish! *squee!!!*

- Next week I will be guesting on Mr. Fab's radio show. I'm a little afraid, especially if you replace "a little" with "extremely". But anyone who knows Mr. Fab should be. Feel free to listen, but I'm not promising to be even remotely entertaining. I don't want you to get your hopes up and them be horribly disappointed.

Thursday, January 03, 2008


Jay and Laura, congrats very much.

Thanks for taking the pressure off the rest of us for a while. (And when that runs out I'll just do like I usually do and tell them to talk to Reid.)