Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween Shit

YAY! It's Halloween and I'm happy! I thought I'd post a picture or two of some of this year's handiwork.
Naiomi finally decided to go as a drag queen, or more accurately, a chick pretending to be a dude pretending to be a chick. She made herself some fake boobies out of balloons filled with rice. They looked good but they didn't quite have that "boobie" feel to them. The knot in the balloon also made an excellent nipple.

She had fun playing with them, well, everyone had fun playing with them.

Here's a closer look at her face. The picture doesn't do her lips justice. I used a thick goopy lips gloss over the red lipstick and then pressed heavy glitter in to the gloss. It was FAB-ulous!
I unfortunately don't have a picture of the costume I made for my friend's kid. Hopefully she'll take a few so I can post them.
All in all it was a pretty slow year, but everything worked out well and I think everyone was reasonably happy.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

From Me To You 16

I haven't done one of these in a while and I wouldn't want you all to think I don't care about your well being, so here we go.

- Never, and I can't stress this enough, NEVER do any kind of custom work without getting money first. Regardless of who it's for. Especially for musicians. Even more so for metal guys. Trust me.

- Offering last minute invites to people is just insulting. Don't bother, most people would rather be mad at you than feel like you pity them.

- Making fun of someone who is well within eye stabbing range and is holding something with which they may stab, is a really, really bad idea.

- If you're doing something embarrassing in a place where you might get caught, chances are you'll get caught.

- People can see you in your car. Trust me. Singing along with the radio animatedly, picking your nose and any of the other ridiculous things you think no one can see are clearly visible through the car windows. You look like an ass by the way.

Friday, October 20, 2006

That's Right, There's Only One Of Me

Thank God, I know.

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

And I Don't Even Like Cake

I'm not much of a girly-girl and I certainly don't sit around day dreaming about my wedding. In fact, just typing that made me gag a little. But that aside, should hell ever freeze over and I actually get married, this is the cake I want.

Best... Cake... Ever.

Grumble, Grumble, Cough, Grumble...

Whoever first said whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger was a fucking moron and they probably didn't come up with that little gem after spending four days being horrendously ill or puking their guts out for twelve hours straight. Trust me on that one, because I've done it and I can say with absolute certainty that I do not feel stronger.
A mere 24 hours ago I wasn't thinking to myself "Gee, I bet this makes me stronger", though I was having some fairly cozy thoughts of death. Even now that I've finished puking I would still have to improve to feel like death warmed over. At the rate I'm going I should buy stock in Kleenex and ginger ale.
I keep asking Naiomi to put me out of my misery, but she keeps coming up with bullshit excuses like "legalities".
It's nice to know who I can turn to in my hour of need.
My mother was kind enough to drop off some ginger ale and gravol for me, which I thought was nice until she burst in, dropped the stuff on the floor, told me she didn't want to get too close and ran. Also she later told me that when she got back to her car she doused herself, the steering wheel and the driver door panel with hand sanitizer.
Where would we all be without that motherly love?
I think being sick is making me a little grumpy.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Whoa, Slow Down There

Last night Naiomi and I went over to Russ's place to watch cartoons (yes, a group of adults were sitting around on a Saturday night watching cartoons) and a couple more people ended up coming over as well. One of them, for the purposes of this post we'll call Eh Steve.
Eh Steve seems like a pretty cool dude and I just want to take this opportunity to thank him. You see Eh Steve taught us all a very valuable lesson - Sometimes you shouldn't offer information too quickly.
I'll give you an example. If the cops were to show up at your house asking about some dead guy, don't just jump right in with "he wasn't here, I think I saw him at Joe's place." You should probably go with "What dead guy?"
Same goes with what happened to Eh Steve.
We were talking about Clerks 2 and Silence of the lambs, more importantly the "Man-gina" scenes in both. Russ asks "What's a man-gina?" (as I'm sure many of you may be asking yourselves). Eh Steve made the unfortunate misjudgment in timing and jumped right in there with "It's when you tuck your wiener between your legs and it looks like you have a vagina."
In hindsight, the "I know what I'm talking about" tone he seemed to get when giving his little explaination probably didn't help him out to much after we burst out laughing.
So thanks Eh Steve for this valuable lesson. I'm sure it won't be soon forgotten.

Friday, October 13, 2006

So I'm thinking about giving up sewing...

Halloween is coming, in case there are a few freaks left who were unaware. I love Halloween and I love helping people with their make-up and what-not. That being said, I don't know how I managed to get myself wrangled into making a costume for my co-workers two year old.
I shouldn't say that. I don't mind. I'm happy I can help out, because I remember how much my costumes meant to me growing up. I know how to sew and it's nothing terribly difficult. The problem is that making a costume involves (typically) going to the fabric store.
As much as I love to sew, my mother along with my own experiences have instilled in me a deep hate for all fabric stores and their employees.
If you hadn't guessed already, I've just gotten back from one.
What the hell is it about fabric stores that makes them so universally aggravating? The isles are always cramped, things are a perpetual mess with no regard to any actual order and their staff seems to be required to be the oldest, bitchiest, least helpful band of wankers on the planet.
I have yet to find even one fabric store with even one helpful employee. I could put up with a bitchy sales person so long as they're helpful (your level of helpfulness must be equal or greater than your bitchiness, mind you), but to be uselessly stupid and bitchy pushes me beyond what I can handle.
And of course to top off their mind-numbing douche baggery they all look at you with that "You're so stupid you're not worth my fucking time" look. Of all the bullshit, ass-hatted, bollocks - that look pisses me off faster than any other. I could just smack that look off their haggard faces with a crowbar.
I just wish that at least one person could explain to me why this is!? Why this area of sales seems to be home to the absolute dregs of sales and customer service?
I fucking hate people.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Turkeys Take Cover!

So it's Thanksgiving again. I did the whole family thing and ate myself stupid. I also managed to muster up enough interest to make not only a chocolate-mascarpone cheese cake, but also a chocolate pretzel basket of mushroom cookies (no actual mushrooms were injured during the making of these cookies). All in all it wasn't a total bust.
This weekend could have been better, what with the near poisoning, the rain, the lack of stones tickets, and my inability to complete 90% of the tasks I should have been working on. Oh well, I got some sleep at least. Not a lot, but some.
In honour of today here are some things I'm thankful for.

- Cheese cake
- Chocolate
- My cats, most of the time
- Having a house to live in
- My friends, most of the time
- Having access to a car
- My family, most of the time

Friday, October 06, 2006

Lesson Learned

There's been an on going battle at my house, between Naiomi and myself.
She likes lights, lots of them, bright lights. I, however, am quite content to sit in the semi-dark. So when a few bulbs burnt out around the house I wasn't frantic to replace them. In fact, the light in my room has been burnt out for months and I have no plans to replace it at all. But Naiomi, being the crazy person she is, bought some new bulbs and replaced the dead ones.
After she replaced one of the bulbs in the bathroom I noticed that there was some mold starting to grow up near the ceiling (yeah, I know. We've gotta get a fan in there). I decided I should do something about it before it got worse, so I got out the bleach and some rubber gloves.
My cats, the assholes that they are, get in to everything, so I closed the door to the bathroom and set to work. A tub of hot water and bleach later the wall was sparkling clean and my eyes were burning. Closing the door was probably a bad idea, thinking back on it.
I really didn't think that I was using that much bleach or that I'd been in the bathroom for long enough for it to be a problem, but stepping out of the bathroom I realized I had misjudged.
Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe and all I could smell was this horrible sour smell (which also became a nasty taste in my mouth). You know that sour, bleachy kinda smell that lingers in your nose after you've been swimming for a long time? Yeah. Now imagine that as all you can smell in an overpowering stench kinda way. Let me tell you, it's not so much fun as it sounds.
Like all perfectly rational people who realize they can't breathe, I panicked. Panicking, by the way, doesn't help so much with the not being able to breathe. So went outside to see if the fresh air would help.
It did, a little, with the breathing - not the smell.
I then called the health line who put me in touch with poison control. After about an hour on the phone with them, they decided I didn't have to go to the hospital but made me promise that if I got worse that I would go immediately.
This morning I was still feeling shitty so I got to spend about 2 hours at the doctors office.
The moral of the story is, this is all Naiomi's fault.
If she would have left the bathroom dim like it should be I wouldn't have noticed the mold and I would never have gotten myself in to this mess in the first place.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Halloween Confusion

I may be the only one, but I find this package a little confusing.
For years I've wondered what the hell rabbits had to do with Easter eggs, especially when Cadbury came out with commercials including a clucking rabbit that laid eggs.
Do they really want me to believe that rabbits lay chocolate, cream filled eggs? And that they cluck? Where the hell did this rabbit/egg association come from in the first place?
Now they've added a whole new dimension to this rabbit/egg nonsense. They've moved the whole thing to Halloween. What the fuck?
This is where I put my foot down. Hershey's has gone too far.
What the fuck do eggs and rabbits have to do with Halloween? And not just any eggs and rabbits, but apparently rotten eggs and vampire rabbits.
I mean, sure, you can egg peoples houses on Halloween, but is this
something they're trying to encourage? And do they now want me to believe that not only do rabbits lay chocolate, cream filled eggs, but that vampire rabbits lay candy coated chocolate eggs? And I mean Vampire Rabbits??!! Seriously?
Do they drink the blood of the living so they may continue in their unholy existence and serve as spokes-rabbits for their unborn chocolaty offspring? And why would they want you to consume said chocolaty unborn offspring?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Happy Birthday, Groucho

I suspect I'm the only one to whom this really matters, but it's Groucho's birthday today.
I just may have to watch Animal Crackers later to celebrate.