Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Heads up guys

I didn't want anyone getting confused on this point....

G is cool.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


I got some amazing advice from my mother today. I mean really awesome and it's gonna save me a whole lot of time and energy too. Her sage words, you ask?
Don't bother trying to change anything because you'll never make a difference. Ever.
That's right kids, give up now, you'll never be able to make a difference at anything. Oh and trust me, it's not worth the effort just to fail. Man, I sure am glad to know that, saves me a lot of time and boy, it's really a weight off my shoulders.
Now if only someone had pointed this out to that silly ass, Gandhi. He could have been eating all that time and not walking around dressed in a sheet. Martin Luther King Jr. could have saved himself getting shot, I mean that's gotta ruin your day. Same with Lincoln. Einstein was only wasting his time, who cares if E=mc2? Not my mother, that's for sure. And besides, none of these people really made any difference, right?
Of course they didn't.
It's either that or my mother is full of shit and that is, quite possibly, the worst advice ever given.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I love this...

I found this animation through www.weebls-stuff.com today, and I love it. (No it's not by the weebl crew, I just found it through them.) Anyway, here it is. eBaum's world Sucks.

Return of the Ninja Pirates

I was right! There are Ninja Pirates! There are even Ninja Pirate toys!

This is Chris the ninja pirate from Weebl and Bob. He's been in a couple of their cartoons and now he even has his own toy.
His latest appearance can be found here.

A sign! A sign!

The hit counter reached 666 today.
I couldn't just let is pass unnoticed.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Happy Birthday

On November 23 it will be Arthur "Harpo" Marx's birthday. (His 117th for anyone who's counting.)
I'm a huge Marx. Bros fan. When I'm having a bad day or I can't shake a foul mood they make me laugh and forget why I was upset in the first place. I love every minute of their movies, but I'm always waiting for Harpo to get his time alone, doing what he's best at, playing the harp with awe inspiring beauty and grace. For those few minutes I find more happiness and peace than in anything else I've ever seen or done.
He is one of my favourite actors and I just wanted to take a minute to say Happy Birthday. Thank you for... well... a lot.

Here's what some of the people who knew him had to say about him.

Miriam Marx (Groucho's daughter): "Harpo was almost not of this world, he was saintly, ethereal. He was my favorite person..."

George S. Kaufman: "Harpo Marx, to whom he was devoted, took delight in rattling the easily embarrassed Kaufman. As a friend, Harpo was a practical joker of incredible proportions.
There was the day when Harpo, Bea, and George Kaufman were in a diner aboard a train going to Bucks County. A little old lady asked if she might take the fourth chair at their table. Bea said it was all right, but George, knowing how unpredictably mad Harpo was, squirmed. Harpo said nothing. He didn’t even look at her.
The little old lady finished eating first and asked for her check. George was still concerned about Harpo. The waiter brought the lady’s check on a saucer. George smiled with relief.
But Harpo, still not looking up from his plate, reached for the saucer, salted and peppered the lady’s check, and ate it. Kaufman twisted in agony."

Irving Brecher: "He was pretty much what he was on the screen: A dear elf."

Norman Krasna: "Harpo was a pixie-like person... a giant pixie. He was completely kin... Dogs and children would come to him as he got into a room... he absolutely was a saint."

George Seaton: "Harpo was just the dearest, sweetest man. I don’t think you can find anyone who has a bad word to say about Harpo. But he was a leprechaun, an elf. He used to do silly, wonderful things, like stealing Maggie Dumont’s wig. She was as bald as a billiard ball and always wore a wig. He’d take great delight in stealing her wig before we got off the train. In Chicago or someplace, here would come Maggie with a towel wrapped around her head, and on it said ‘Pullman.’"

George Burns: "One thing he said to me that was so, so nice... He adopted four children, you know. So I said to him, ‘When are you gonna quit? How many children are you going to adopt?’ He says, ‘I’d like to adopt as many children as I have windows. So when I leave, I want a kid in every window, waving goodbye.’... I think that was about the greatest marriage that I know of, Susan Marx and Harpo. Anything Harpo wanted, she would do. Like she had these four children, and she’d have dinner on the stove. Let’s say, seven o’clock at night, dinner is ready. And Harpo would come in and say, ‘Susan, let’s eat out.’ She’d say, ‘Okay.’ Bop! Turn out the lights, and out they’d go."

And finally a word from the man himself.

Harpo Marx (Early Days): "We were washed up. We were stranded...I was depressed, and confused, and I had to be alone. I kept telling myself that something good always happened every time I hit bottom. But I didn’t believe it.
...As I walked, a long-forgotten voice came out of my past. Miss Flatto. Miss Flatto, wiggling her finger at my nose and saying, ‘Some day you’ll realize, young man! Some day you’ll realize!’...
I was startled to find I was standing watching an auction sale... I was careful to keep my hands in my pockets, so I could resist any crazy impulse to make a bid, and blow my entire capital of seven cents.
The shelves were nearly emptied out and most of the crowd had left, but I still hung around, having nothing better to do with myself. Finally everything was gone except for one scrub brush, the former owner, hovering in the background, the auctioneer, myself, and an elderly Italian couple. The elderly couple had been there all the time. Either they had no money or they were too timid to make a bid on anything. Whichever it was, they exchanged sad looks now that the auction was winding up.
The auctioneer was tired. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Let’s get it over with and not horse around. I have left here one desirable item. One cleansing brush in A-number-one, brand-new condition, guaranteed to give you floors so clean you could eat off them. What am I offered?’
The old Italian guy and his wife looked at each other, searching for the key to the right thing to say... they held on to each other like they had done something wrong. I said quickly, ‘One cent.’
The auctioneer whacked his gavel.
‘Sold-thank-God-to-the-young-American-gentleman-for-one-cent.’ I picked up my brush and handed it to the old lady. She was as touched as if I had given her the entire contents of the store. The old man grabbed my hand and pumped it. They both grinned at me and poured out a river of Italian that I couldn’t understand. ‘Think nothing of it,’ I said, and added, ‘Ciao, eh?’ ... which was the only Italian I could remember from 93rd street. They thought this was pretty funny, the way I said it, and they walked away laughing. I walked away laughing too... I couldn’t explain it, but a lousy penny scrub brush had changed the whole complexion of life."

Save The Court

Night Court has been a favourite show of mine for... well... a very long time. I was ecstatic when season one came out on DVD. Now I'm hearing rumors that they won't be releasing any more seasons! I could cry!
What will I do without more Dan, Bull, Selma.... Oh god!
I'm urging anyone who loves, even likes this show to go and pick up season 1. An increase in sales for season 1 (and from what I've heard, the planned "best of" discs) will prompt more seasons.
If not for me, do it for all the people who want more... do it for yourself.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Deep thoughts

I've been in a bad mood the last couple of days. So far I've only found one thing that can, consistently, make me laugh no matter how bad my mood. So now, more for my own benefit than anyone else's, I give you some Jack Handey.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, how's it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.

When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.

Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.

If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figure that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.

Coffee: for some, delicious... for others, a mystery

Over coffee Chris tells me a story and I can't help but laugh at it.
Apparently over the summer he watched as this guy put coffee in the filter of the coffee maker, fill the pot with water and then set the full pot of water in place in the coffee maker. After watching the pot for a couple of minutes he complained that the water didn't seem to be turning into coffee.
I wish I was making this up.
Some people should not be allowed to procreate.

Don't ask, I don't know.

So I went out for coffee with Chris earlier. I've known this guy for years and no matter how many times it's happened I'm still amazed at some of the bizarre discussions and debates we get into. So true to form we got into a debate on the ride home, the subject for this evening you ask? Are Pirates or Ninjas cooler? (I wish I was making this up.)

My immediate answer was (of course) - ninja pirates. (That would be ninjas acting as pirates and not vise versa.) But I was met with an absolute no on that one.
His argument? Ninja prates do not exist and therefore are not a legitimate answer. Pirate skills (like ninja skills) are a specialized group of skills and outside the scope of a ninja and thus making a ninja-pirate an impossibility.
My argument? Drinking, looting, pillaging, etc. are not specialized skills and any ninja would be capable of any of these activities.
These are the things that we discuss... you know, only the really important, life altering, earth shattering subjects.

On an almost related note, (I'm going to hell, but) this picture - aptly titled Pirate Nun - made me laugh... a lot... I can't believe that I'm laughing at a nun, but it's funny.

Shut up... you know it's funny.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Yeah, yeah, I know it's November

But here's some more Halloween shit anyway.
I finally got some Halloween pictures loaded onto my computer. They aren't the greatest, but then they were taken by my mother who is actually a worse photographer than I am. Fortunately I have more pictures waiting to be developed... hopefully they're better.

These are my buddy Matt... he's a fish guy. I think the Best name we came up with was Jack. (My dad actually came up with that one... he's a fisherman.) I'm really not happy with the edges of the appliance and the back of the bald cap. We had some trouble with the mold and casting another appliance wasn't possible so I had to work with what I had and the back of the bald cap was just not cooperating that day... but considering The time and budget I was working with and that this was just for a house party I think we did pretty damned good.

Here's one of Julz...

and finally here's one of my pumpkins.

Good Grief

Seriously, I can't be the only one seeing something wrong with this cereal.