Monday, October 31, 2005


Today's gone pretty well thus far. I picked up the Clerks cartton DVDs for $12, finished all my make-up stuff without having a complete mental breakdown and carved 2 pumpkins (a super sweet Dawn of the dead one and an Edward Scissor hands one).

Anyways, I hope everyone has an awesome night.
I'm gonna go watch some crappy old horror movies.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Phantoms and Horror Shows

If you're going to be watching movies on Halloween I'd suggest the two classic, cult-followed, horrow, musical, halloween viewing musts - Rocky Horror Picture Show and Phantom of the Paradise.

Friday, October 21, 2005


Pay your ticket! If you're online reading this then you've got time to pay it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Just so we're all on the same page...

In case you hadn't noticed yet, Bush is an idiot.

Bush is an idiot and people voted him into power... twice.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

From me to you 6

Okay, so more driving stuff - The turn signal is a handy tool for letting the other drivers around you know where you're going (ie. Turning and changing lanes). Turning them on after you've completed your maneuver or three miles in advance doesn't help anyone. Also if you can here some strange clicking sound coming from your dash and there's a green arrow flashing chances are that you've left the signal on and you're pissing off the person behind you. Turn the damned thing off already.

If you're pregnant you don't need to let everyone know every time you pee, especially not your coworkers. We don't need to know. In fact I'll go so far as to say we don't give a rats ass.

It won't bleed so much if you'd just keep your finger out of there.

Those carry-all bags with the wheels and retractable handles are stupid. They're for yuppie assholes, not University students. You look like a douche bag with that damned thing. Get a fucking backpack already you yuppie-wannabe-shithead.

And finally, avoid mentioning anything North Korean to Narf. Definitly avoid mentioning that you think the Kim Jong Il puppet from Team America is adorable and that you want one. Trust me on this one. Seriously.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

More Halloween Shit

Well friends, Halloween is fast approaching and I've got everyone's costumes sorted out but my own. It's nothing surprising, this is what happens every year. (Not that I even have plans for Halloween anyway...) I wouldn't be too worried, but I've got quite a number of people insisting that I actually dress up this year so I'm trying to come up with something.
I haven't come up with much, but here's what I've got so far...
First off, Liz Sherman. Don't know who she is? Don't worry, you're certainly not alone. I, on the other hand, am a geek and a huge Hellboy fan (the comics... the movie wasn't bad, but for clarification purposes I mean the comic). All I'd really have to get is a trench coat, a beret and some smokes. I know, how creative... (and again, for clarification, I hate Selma Blair... she ruins everything and she sucked as Liz... really, really sucked.)
Second, A House Frau. Confused again? You're probably not alone. Basically a house Frau is one of those horribly over done, dressed up, cake make-up wearing, helmet headed, cocktail partying, stereotypical 50's housewives... ie. The Stepford Wives.
and Third, Harpo Marx. No, I haven't thought of any costumes people will actually understand.

I'm a huge Marx Bros. Fan, and I love Harpo.
Those are my limited ideas at the moment... if you've got any ideas go ahead and post them.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Myst the mark

I recently picked up the limited edition Myst V: End of Ages and I have to say, I'm disappointed.
Myst, Riven and Exile were so amazing. The animation was stunning, the character's were compelling and the puzzles and the journeys were stimulating. I still play them and get a more out of them than any other games I've played before or since.
The landscapes were so visually spectacular that they almost seemed real, their beauty was enough to get you lost in the game. The animals created for the different worlds were fantastic, watching them interact with the environment around them was nothing short of amazing.
I always loved that the characters were real people, the film of them that was put in the games were well used and most importantly, not over used. Computer animation of humans has come along way, but with the realism of the game environment the addition of real people made everything that much more believable.
As you can see, I can't praise the games enough. That's where the disappointment comes in.
This latest addition to the series almost seems like some sort of distant relative the family is embarrassed to talk about. The game, visually, falls way short. It looks flat and, well, computer generated. The characters have been replaced with video-game quality, blocky CG characters. The characters also show up every ten minutes to talk at length and any relevance in what they say is lost because they're boring to the point that you tune them out. The little things, too, have been lost. The first games were littered with items of interest that you could inspect closely, pick up, move around, play with - each made to look shockingly real. This game has none of those things.
The only addition seems to be the personal Myst journal that you are free write in as you go along. If this feature is a trade off for all that is lost, I would happily give it up.
I'm sad to think that this is how such a great series is leaving and shocked at the lack of... well... everything.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Apparently there are goats that faint when you startle them... It's not something they're trained to do, they are bred to faint. They were bred this way so that if a wolf attacked the flock the goat would be the snack and not the rest. (That seems more than a little wrong to me, but then I'm just imagining how lame it would be to be the goat.)
Anyway, breed history aside, it's pretty damned funny watching these things faint... funny to the point that I want one.
I wonder if you're allowed to keep a goat as a pet?


I've been fighting a cold (and loosing the battle I might add) for nearly a week. It knocked me on my ass Saturday and I haven't made much progress in getting back up since.
Today I spent the whole day on the couch feeling like death warmed over and then a ray of sunshine lit my germ infested world. I happened to check Homestar Runner today and lo and behold, a new cartoon! Hooray! And even better, it's called "Sick Day" and clearly illustrates how I've been feeling lately.
Homestar Runner always get's my seal of approval, but this one also gets a gold star and a thumbs up and a hip-hip-hooray (once I stop coughing).

All the cool people are buying it!

Upon the Ashes are putting out a CD, A Sinner's Blood, this fall.
It's gonna be totally wicked.
And I'm not just saying that because my brother is in the band and he'll hurt me if I say other wise...
Really, I'm totally stoked to hear the final product.

I'm going to hell

Despite what this picture would have you believe, Jesus spent most of the game getting nailed to the boards.

I know what I want for Christmas

I want one of these statues for my yard. Maybe then the neighborhood dirt children will get the message to stay the hell outta my yard.
Smelly, dirty beasts...


Saturday Night Live was one of my favourite shows (it's fallen from grace, but the SNL of old still holds a special place in my heart) and I've got lots and lots of favourite sketches from over the years, but the "Brasky guys" is the one (long running) skit that never failed to make me laugh. (Sorry Brasky, but the single funniest skit was the Peter Schweaty Balls)
Anyway, here's a Little Brasky for all the fans and for all the poor saps who haven't a clue what I'm on about.


"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"

"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"His first name is Bill! ....... I'm drunk."

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

"Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos."

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."

"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"He thinks then iron man is gay."

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."



Pay your ticket!

Sunday, October 02, 2005


I just wanted to take a second to say Happy Birthday to one of my favourite comedians of all time, Groucho Marx.
I can't tell you how many laughs I've gotten from him and I've loved every second of it.